Thoughts

6 comments
I have been thinking alot lately about my life in general. Some of those thoughts include my attitude towards some things, like love, friendship, and feeling.

My love life is complicated. It could be a mexican telenovela...been thinking that i should start asking guys out. In this society its the other way round. Tops (Guys that do bottoms) ask bottoms (the ones that get shagged by tops) out. I turned that rule around and asked a friend out. Oh yes i did... We havent set a date but its a start...i wish, hope and pray something comes out of it. When it happens. The action of me asking really fascinated me. I never thought i would...be capable of such. Im scared of rejection. But no, i wasnt turned down. Now to really plan. I really want it to happen. Im having this whole positive attitude thing going on. Lets see how long it lasts.

Without friendship i doubt humans would survive...i sat on a computer, logged into facebook and removed a whole lot of people who never talk or just irritate me. Or shallow ones. It got me thinking, why do some people bother? Your not a friend if you add me and stay silent your just a mere statistic on my friend list! It might be a bitchy thing to do, but honestly speaking quality over quantity matters. In other matters of friendship, i have noted selfishness what i thought used to be my closest friends. I will not say what, but it struck realization in me...it seems that i dont really have a best friend. I just have good, but not best friends. Another lesson learned.

Feeling. Emotional feelings are something im working on. Someone should write a book called ''how NOT to get hurt''. Sometimes people use what you feel against you. I wish i could see that when it happens to me. I suppose life is your book and you have to write in it. What you write is entirely yours. The thing is i cant not be emotional. I cant hide. Why? Its just me...part of who i am. As mentioned im still working out a solution. When i get one i shall write.

Finally, its a bloody shame to see Bantu Mwaura dead. How he died is just awful. Life taken away by another. What did he do? I dont think he deserved to go. Not like that. I know God has a plan for everyone but seriously is such a gruesome exit necessary? We have lost a great man in kenya. A lecturer, a poet, a husband, a father, a friend. A man of culture. May God rest his soul peacefully....and shame on those behind his demise.

Life

2 comments
I haven't posted in a while for several good reasons!

1: semester finals
2: an aching heart
3: time

Semester finals were very tough! whoever said business management was an easy course LIED!!!!
I may need a supplementary exam in two units....of course one being boolean math...I'm on a one week holiday. AT LAST!!! I was emotionally, physically, and mentally tired of college life...I'm enjoying every bit of this break...i'll go art gallery hopping soon i hope..

An aching heart was caused by what i thought was the perfect man. Ugandan. Well built. Fun.

THAT, was a bad mistake....Though i learned a lesson. To cut a long story short, I was two timed. To be precise 5 timed!!!! The bleeding man was also seeing % other people, 3 who are my friends. One of them caught wind of what was happening and alerted me. I'm grateful in a resenting way...Anyway that is a chapter which i've closed in my life...

The best thing to do is smile and carry on. What else can i do? I will not mourn.

Time is something which few people have. i have no time to waste crying on heartbreaks. I had no time to post as it happened because really i didn't quite know what to say....but i did today.

So i'm out again looking. I shall not be stopped.

Newbies

3 comments
You know, this society of mine is a very interesting one....

Last Saturday i went to the city to hang out with P. (I'm going to use the first letter of my friends names for privacy issues) We met at the usual spot and caught up...as usual. Everything on that day seemed so routine and normal. Then, these two characters come and stand in front of us but at a distance....oblivious of the fact that P and i were sitted there. They were so obviously gay...i really wanted to say hi but i hesitated...i didn't want to intrude.
They looked 16-17 years old. It's very interesting to see people realize their sexuality at a young age. i knew when i was 14, but went into denial until i was 16...Denial i a very bad stage. Straight people think it's a choice we make; to live our lives as gays and lesbians. They don't want to understand that we were born like this...

ANYWAY, P is called by a random guy whom we meet later att a all. this guy is really nice! both to look at and in terms of personality. sadly he's bottom like me. but he's a really great friend! while we all talked we met my friend E. We're in a fod court somewhere in the city in a mall by the way...E comes and sits....yet more talking. E is selling tickets for a gay party that i wasn't going or. Why? i was too tired and broke at the time. He's expecting client to come. The clients HAPPENED to be that couple from earlier...They came with a friend of theirs who was quite good looking....shame i couldn't hit on him...well really i couldn't! Nt infront of everyone....

They came and stood, ignoring everyone but E. Which i thought was quite rude. I asked them to introduce themselves...

Bad mistake.


The bottom( the one who gets shagged i.e the bitch) spoke. VERY RUDELY I MUST ADD!!!! It's like i insulted him...The boy was so arrogant i was very taken aback...everyone was. Their friend was quiet though... i liked him. The boyfriend also spoke. My God he was just as rude...When they left i was so annoyed...

Annoyed at the fact that they were so arrogant and it was the first time meeting them! I forgot to mention that Kenya's little gay society is a greatly divided one. My friends told me not everyone is nice...

I sure wish they were....

It got me thinking. If we as gays in Kenya want to achieve recognition then we have to pull ourselves together. Unity and Friendship are two very important things....which i hope are enforced soon. At this rate we'll end up just being a minority....

Really?

4 comments

I think someone took advantage of me...

Well, allow me to speak sincerely, but normally when a guy says he likes you, wants to meet you, and shags you, things would normally progress.
not in my case though....
The person x has been communicating very little after that friday date. It seriously leaves me wondering....He talked alot more before that date and now he just goes silent? somethings is wrong here...
He's gone to S.A for a week or something....If by then nothing has been communicated i guess i have to move one...The thought of being taken advantage of is VERY ANNOYING!
One thing with me, and that everyone seems to say is that i tend to be a little naive...I wish i saw that coming..
Anyway lesson learned. I've learned not linger on an issue. The hard way.

I've started online dating again...okay, only on one site...the most common www.gaydar.co.uk.
looking at the home page it was advertising itself with pictures of INCREDIBLY HOT GUYS as shown above....Do such men really exist? Especially in kenya? My friends seem to think half these poster guys are paid straight guy models...

Only one way to find out....
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