Cuppatea journal entry as at November 24th 2009

And yes i'm reading accounting hence that title today...
No one likes exams. "exams test your mind to see if you're prepared for the next level", so said my old teachers. They were right. I'm not exactly the best performer but i do my best. Averaged a B last semester. But this semester.... Um, 3 math based units really got me! Its one of the most difficult semesters ill meet, and I need to pass it! I've been reading lots, for the last two weeks. Lets not include reading for CAT 2s... Anyhoo I spent my weekend from Thursday evening to Sunday evening, at home! Reading! I missed concerts and parties! But i couldn't go for them anyway. My aunt came over for the weekend plus moooooney is scarce (as its meant to be anyway). Basically my academic life is at stake with these particular papers! I wanna be a senior manager soon with p.h.ds and mbas, I cannot afford to redo papers!!! Thats precious time gone. Anyhoo next Wednesday the 2nd, at 4pm I will officially be on holiday! Yaey! I shan't make plans because they will never work! So plans will come to me instead.

My classmates have been buying exams! Grades! Thats how some of them pass! They aren't there half the semester and then they still get better grades than you, after you yourself you've slaved and read and toiled and still get funny grades. Its been a rumor for the last couple of weeks but where there's smoke there is certainly fire... Its so demoralizing... I wish they get caught. I dont have evidence to blab anonymously... Life can be so unfair.

|Warwick avenue-Duffy|

Harmonized confusion in the harmonized draft constitution

The "harmonized" draft constitution is an interesting one... I read it very carefully... And true to what leaders are asking, what do we, the youth, think/feel about it?

I have a problem with chapter 6.

Specifically chapter 6 section 37 part 1. It says, "the state shall not discriminate indirectly against any person on any ground, including race, sex, pregnancy, marital status, health status, ethnic or social origin, colour, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, dress, language or birth."
Does sex or gender mean gays shouldn't be discriminated? Being a gay/queer/homosexual is not a choice. Nor is it a lifestyle. Its just natural (that is my opinion) "whats your sex? Male, female or homosexual?" hmmm doesn't sound right...
What about gender? "male, female or homosexual/gay/queer?" Where do myself and fellow gays fall under? I'm confused. Is homosexuality gender? Sex according to me is the kind of species of human you are. Male or female. I could be a lady that likes other ladies and i'm classified as female! I could be a guy who likes guys (I am, actually) and i'm classified as male. Or I could be a man who likes women and i still would be classified as a male homosapiens-sapiens. But nooooow, it didn't mention queers directly. Does it apply for everyone or just straight people? (this is where lawyers come in handy)

Another area i'm disturbed about is section 38 of chapter 6. It says "women and men have the right to equal treatment including the right to equal opportunities in political, economic, cultural and social activities."
i'm a man! A very young one. In my opinion i'm entitled to the rights any other man or woman has! Read section 38 again, can you see it? Yup, you guessed it, there is a loophole right there. It didn't mention queers but queers are both male female. Or both (hemaphrodite). Is it silent treatment? Or were the committee that prepared the draft too scared to include the LGBT community in a few statements? Or did they include us in a VERY roundabout way? Je ne comprends pas... It would have been much easier if homosexuals were catered for openly in a positive way. We're humans too! It would be nice to say "you can't discriminate or hate me, if you do, ill sue your sorry arse". It would be nice if we were protected and recognized. Yes same sex marriage would be asking for too much (dreaming even) but what I'd like is for legal recognition and protection of queer people in Kenya written in that constitution.

On that topic of marriage, why not propose for "civil unions" if the term "marriage" is conflicting and "holy"? Its legally binding you and your same sex partner in terms that are similar to marriage... The United Kingdom did it, why can't we? Civil union would be an actual, debatable topic instead of gay marriages which obviously in Kenya today is still out of the question (surprised? don't be) EVEN IF that term "civil union" is a fancy, technical name for marriage.

There is, what i think is a decent idea, a proposed human rights and gender commission. But the thing is, will it recognize the LGBT community?

BY THE WAY the daily nation mispelt harmonized. "harmonised" is how it was spelt and printed. CAN YOUR PROOF READING SKILLS PLEASE IMPROVE, NATION MEDIA!!! Or was that American English? And why the name harmonized in the first place? Its not harmonized when the number of MPs rise to 396... It would mean more salaries for them, unless current salaries were reduced drastically, and more tax paying to cater for them which would probably see the tax rate rise, and it would mean more government spending on big cars for them etc. The 504 should be reintroduced for them. Kenya will be an expensive place to live in, don't you think? Where will the government get money from? Donors? Economic colonialism! Ill save those to post for another day.

Such unnecessary confusion...

|today-junkie XL|

Umbrella gets nicked shocker!!!!

This post is might have an insult. or 10.

Lately things have been very unusual...don't you think? Like how Nairobi had sunshine for nearly two weeks then the rains snuck up on us (praise be! those dams need filling up to end silly water shortages). Normally, I'd let go of whatever minor issue was bothering me. But not this one, THIS, took the cake and ate it!

So yesterday, some quad-arsed probuscus monkey stole my happy-yellow-fellow-umbrella!!! THAT BASTARD!!! AAAAAAAHH!!!!! How dare HE!!! Yes its a he because it got jacked/stolen/nicked/taken away/declared someone elses property by force in the gents! THE GENTS!!! I put it down on the side of the wall to let it drip while i turned for two minutes (sadly the proper loos were downright dirty so a urinal had to do; EEW!) then i look again and ITS GONE!!! there were many guys in the loo so i really don't know who the itchy fingered bigotted collosal wanker is... I'm keeping a look out for anyone with a bright yellow brolly... Meanwhile, i got wet later that afternoon! As in soaked to the skin! WET! I like rain yes but when you have textbooks worth lots, various electronics & light clothing, nasty things are bound to happen! Anyway at least i got home, even the dog looked at me funny..

Sigh, you're wondering why i'm so miffed over this? That umbrella has seen time, been to all sorts of places with me AND my mum gave it to me!! It lasted a whole year with me. It sed to stay in my murse, and it used to keep it company and fill the bag, and most importantly it was excellent for those days when the rain suddenly appears one afternoon! And now its gone...
Will i ever get another yellow happy umbrella? i like canary yellow because everyone else has black sad brollies (read Londoners!) or terrible multicoloured things....

Now, to the person who took it wrongfully from me, they will be cursed! Let strong winds and torrents of rain batter them repeatedly! Let the umbrella go to someone deserving other than them! Let that umbrella be of better use to someone who deserves a happy yellow umbrella! NOT to some useless, cunning, cockless fox that thinks taking other people's property is fun! SHAME ON YOU DASTARDLY FOOL THAT STOLE MY UMBRELLA!!! DIE!!! Get run over by those buses with funny names!!! Infact they'll become impotent! Dejected delinquate....
Ok im done insulting the rabid thief. I will let it go. But really? An umbrella? Okay seriously i've let go...

And now cuppatea needs to find a new happy-yellow-fellow umbrella...

|Just for now-Imogen Heap| 

In sad times there are happy moments...

Um, my life hasn't been that depressing of late. There were a few happy moments after Thursday....

Like when i went running up and down the city on Friday. I told myself that i didn't want to leave the house over the weekend because person y canceled on me. Besides, i had my semester finals to read for and a small math test on Monday (seriously these lecturers are killing us with these tests!) so i was going to stay home over the weekend and read. That CLEARLY didn't happen.
I ended up being sent for various men's evening shirts for my mum's friend's wedding's evening party. "just use your taste, as long as it's black. And no you're not going to the malls, the bride and groom gave me a budget (oh oh)." So... I went. Shopping list and cash in hand with measurements. My goodness i've never walked that much looking for clothes! I met singer A on the way and he walked me to some of the streets i'd been sent to. Let's just say, i never thought i'd live the day to see myself walking on those behind streets of the city! Places like river road... yes, the looooooong winding road where you can find ANYTHING! Tom Mboya street aaaalll the way down! Wow. None of the shops i went to had. Which means looking everywhere else. Singer had to leave me to attend to other businesses that day, there was a practice session he had to go to. Lunch time! Indian shops close for lunch, and i haven't had lunch with A in a while so Friday was a good day to meet him. We met and dined as we caught up. He got a really nice new touch screen nokia phone which people are buying lots lately. Yeah and i'm here with an old battered smartphone that STILL hides my emails and gets an overheated battery. Sigh... Anyway It was good  to see him. He invited me over to his apartment for a friends night thingie. Where alcohol would be present (oh oh) and good company (yaey). At least the day was shaping up nicely.
Back to shopping! I walked and and out of various clothes shops... No one had them. Now would be a good time to go to Westlands to look right? Walking near a big stage i see a shop, 3 storeys high with a biiiiig banner saying 50% OFF SALE! i totally went inside. Ooooo it took me by surprise! They had nice things! More importantly, they hd what i was looking for at half the price i was looking for! I got everything there. Classy stuff, i'll go back there before the sale's over. Yes, It had better clothes than some uptown malls for really silly prices! And they were real! Von Dutch shirts at less than a thousand bob! sweet. I went back home because i was going to A's later on. At home Mother was pleased (thank goodness!) which meant easy relaxation for now. Where are those books i start reading? Phone rings! T is on his way. T is near home. He pops by. I tell him i'm crashing at his place for that get together. He's delighted.
Later, We head over to the apartment and at 10pm when fabulous m, spec D and Special girl K came, rounds began. Smiroff and Gilbeys. Oh lord. At least there was coke! But still, ew. I've been craving amarula lately...Anyhoo,It was so much fun! Lots of dancing and loud music. A got high, a feat i've never seen! T also got high. As did spec D and Fabulous m. I was sober bodering tipsy. Is my liver that strong? Nah, i didn't fancy those drinks. If you're getting me high, liquers and brandy, or cocktails or beer will do.
I ended up putting Spec D and T in bed. I was sharing a bed with T.

Who snores worse than spec D!! Oh my...

...And i slept at 3am. One hour to listen to music so that i can sleep. I woke up at 6am. Can't help it! my body just wakes up. So in and out of sleep until around 10am when a woman shrieking wakes me up. T was also awake. We peep outside the window and see two women, and a man in his underwear and a watchman. I have no idea what it is they were on about but the scenario died after two minutes. Sigh... What a way to wake up hihi....
The rest of the day was spent there. We had lunch, i made rice, spec D made chicken. He sure can cook! I'm impressed! Anyway we had to leave later on. Back home for me then... T came along. We napped the afternoon away in my room. There was nothing to watch and no place to go see. I was broke anyway. On that topic, i've been surving on less than a dollar a day which effectively puts me under the poverty line! OH MY GOD! But no... does it really classify? My GDP/GNP/family value class falls under middle-class household so no.

On Sunday, i woke up tto find myself watching the latest season of BBC's Top Gear. Its the most interesting car programe around... It really makes me smile... So i watched lots until around 3 when emo came. We had a chat, then he shows me this documentary about the making of the september issue of the vogue magazine, American edition. Interesting. Yes, i know i'm not into fashion thaaaat much but it was a good watch. I'll look for this year's september issue and read. Womens fashion does not interest me but it will be interesting to see what a thick THICK magazine like that has. Why don't guys have one? oh wait, we do. The Gentleman's quaterly. GQ. But its not as fabulous or extravagant.... Oh well, where as we don't compensate for it in fashion, we do have huge car magazines.... I'm a wierd queer guy innit? Oh well...

Needless to say, Monday the test came. Sure i read eventually but that whole paper was messed up! What stunt was this the lecturer was pulling off? Wow! the whole class complained!I'm glad thats over.. the main exam is next Wednesday! Yikes! i need to find odd things like dy/dx and intergrals and functions and loooooong equations that have one goal: find x. I need to pass! this semester!  OH the campus lost my results for the special/supplementary exam i did last semester. Yup. I went to see the dean. "check on Wednesday" he said. I hope i passed it... Math is my weak point in education. I will practice and do work and in the exam, it touches me inappropriately and i get "undesired" results.

Today, Tuesday. It rained last night and abit in the morning! Yes! I thought someone stole the rains... apparently not... It saves my garden at least! and i like how Kenya (in some areas) looks green... Reminds me how wonderful this place can look. Anyway, It rained. Look at that guy over there! My goodness i pity him. He's covered in brown spots and his jeans and shoes are soooo muddy and wet! A victim of splashing by a monstrous vehicle... OH WAIT, THATS ME!!! Similar to the photo i've put of some poor lass getting splashed, I got splashed by a big blue bus whilst i was crossing the road to connect with karen matatus (jitneys). It was sort of all in slow motion; i'm about to cross the road, then the bus comes and theres a huge puddle next to me and then time slowed...Its tires hit the puddle...the puddle rose...i looked at it rising in shock... tried to duck.....then time came back to normal and then..... SPLAAAASH!!!! shit! i look like a spotted blue creature! of all days today i wore light blue! argh! What else can i do, i'm halfway between home and campus. I held my chin up and walked like nothing happened...Even if people were giving me the "oh dear child, i'm sorry that happened to you" look. Even in the matatu i looked straight on not looking at everyone, just scenery whooshing by. Yes, this happened this morning... Erm, i'm still abit spotty after trying to clean up in the gents. Not amusing business...

Lets see what the  rest of the week/month/year holds! I'm going to be just fine... 

The date that never finished

Morbid post ahead.

Things haven't been the best since last i posted. This is a post with bits of the conversation i had with him. What you will read is what he and i actually talked about.

So, i met person y on Thursday. Still hadn't a clue as to what i'd start telling him. Luckily, i met one of my fab girlfriends along the way, so she walked me all the way to that halfway point where i met him last. "dump his sorry ass!" she said. (and many others who've read/i've relayed the issue to) I told her "erm.... yeah i dont know." Anyhoo, i got there. He was sitted there waiting. (dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuum, what will happen next?) I got in, bought fries (i was hungry like a pregnant woman that day!) and then i went and sat. Small talk occurred. Then he started. "whats going on with you?" He asked.
EXCUSE ME?? ('course i didn't say that) "pardon?" i asked him... "well, you made me cry after you threw those comments at me you insipid cow and i just couldn't take any more. Anyone would be hurt by such comments", i said.
You know it was a pretty inert conversation... I was direct and to the point. Then he's like "but thats how i felt!" fine. It's how he felt. Note that after retracing my footsteps in this institution i have looked for anywhere where i might have been cold or cruel but nothing! even phone calls! What's his problem then? "what on earth are these 'reassurances' you're looking for?" i asked that very honest question because i seriously didn't know what on earth he was looking for at the time. (can you say blank?) I tried to eat but at that point my appetite had vanished. He removed a cigarette and started to smoke. "i just want you to be telling me that your always there for me or oh you know incase of this and that you're there..." he said.
He is surely joking with life.
WHAT! At that point i even put my fork down and just stared at him. Whatever angry feelings i had started seeping out. Then i calmed down again. I asked him if he wanted me to sign a contract of sorts? Cold, i know. But YOU DO NOT PUT SOMEONE THROUGH ALL THAT BASED ON THAT!!! "i'm here in this relationship with you. I have been making sacrifises for you, i have defended you infront of my friends (that happened the other day) heck, i even make sure all is well by keeping this...institution afloat and you need me to tell you all that? you made me cry because i didn't mention those? you made me stressed, thinking that maybe i'm the problem and then you wield that out?" i asked. He just stared. He then proceeded to say sorry etc, but i should know he's also a sensitive guy and that i didn't understand him. I told him how my closest friends felt about the issue because i just didn't know what to do at this time. "dont base this around your friends." he said. MISTER!!!! I was just... uneasy now. I told him i'm not basing it on my friends! i'm telling him as it is. Besides does he expect me to just sit down and keep my problems to myself? I have to tell my friends thats why they are there! i'm not a 1950s British housewife in depression i am me!!! "ofcourse i had to talk to my friends, what would you have done if you were  in shambles?" Then he started getting balancing tears (AAAAAWWWW HEEEELLL NO!) and starts saying how i'm the best thing that happened to him this year and that i shouldn't let things fall apart etc etc. Its like i woke up of this sordid dream. Infront of me was a guy who was basically manipulating me with his own pity. Yes, he has. He dwells in his pity. I've noticed that, and shame on me, i didn't see it earlier. All the days i'm not pleased with him he uses himself or past experiences as an excuse for his actions.

My goodness.

I was so unmoved. Which was odd. Then he's like, "lets finish this conversation tomorrow." I told him i wanted to sort things out at that time so that things can just be normal again. Nothing. He said the next day. "what if things come up and i dont meet you tomorrow and you push it to the next day and the net and the next and the next?" i asked. He said it wont happen.Then he's like lets leave this place. I'm like "you leave i'll be fine here." then he sid he can't leave me there by myself. At that point i was upset. Very upset. I couldn't afford to show it. I sat. "please lets go." he said. I looked at him. Infront of me was someone i used to respect and like and now, its like someone else was standing infront of me. Fine, i got up. and we walked. Silence. Then i had to cross the road. He's like cross down there. at a junction? hell no. I told him i wanted to cross here. He tried to hold my hand but by that time i just wanted to get as far away from him as possible. "ill see you tomorrow then". and crossed the road i did.

I walked home. I couldn't take a jitney home. Didn't feel the need. I felt black inside. And so i walked. And walked. I got home surprisingly quickly... Tea. I needed tea to clam down. Later that night i text him saying i may not be able to make it because my mum gave me errands to run the next day concerning a wedding on saturday. No reply. I wake up the next day. Nothing. I text him saying ill be doing it on foot so i could meet him properly. He said he has afternoon classes. (what a lie) He does evening classes, how on earth did he have afternoon classes at a university where my friends are in the same class with him? I just... I just said fine. I knew this would happen. What else could i do? I was tired. I was emotionally weighed down. Simply done! I went and ran those errands. Ill get to those in the next post.

I officially have a sound decision as to my next course of action when he sees me next (you the readers know it yourselves, judging from the mails i've been getting). I have no more free time because my semester finals are next week, i have to read, i have a life. My patience has ran out entirely. I am hurt. But you know what? i'm over it. With no thanks to him, i have lost faith in guys! Again! where my life is headed from here, i really don't have a clue.

Anyway, that's life.

|Hands clean-Alanis Morissette| (bloody fitting song even)

Turning tables

Upset, describes me pretty well today...

...And much of yesterday too. I will wrte about it because i feel like it will get s bleeding heavy anvil off my chest.
So i'd been thinking about my relationship with person y, that maybe it wasn't a rebound after all. I mean, in relationships couples are supposed to be able to tolerate each others flaws right? I know, i'm behaving confused but on Monday morning i had a firm decision. Well, what started off as a simple text message wishing him a great week escalated into a fury of texts and a yelling phone call... What happened? 

I sent a text saying i wanted to see him on Thursday, to talk about something important (decided wasn't going to leave him & i wanted to surpirse him with a gift; its his birthday on that day) and he's ok with it... Then he asks how long has it been since we started dating... Honestly i'd lost count... But my guess was 5 weeks and something but i told him i lost count. Then i get a message saying i lost count because the relationship isn't worth much to me anymore! what! i told him that hurt. (it really did, still does). Then he goes to say he's sayig what he feels. (Which isn't bad btw) BUT he says he thought i took more interest in the relationship! I couldn't believe that text!!! Mind you im sitted in an auditorium trying to do my work and all this happens, i'm alone inside. I'm trying to call him but there's network issues. So i send a text message, a very long one. At this point i was so hurt inside, i mean after reconsidering everything then this?

I told him that if i had no interest i wouldn't be in the relationship, i wouldn't care about him and that i wouldn't be worrying so much about us... I'd asked him to meet me on thursday but told him to cancel it if he thought i had no interest at all (i was nearly in tears) Told him i'm tired of his remarks and his attitude. I am! i'm also human i can only take so much negativity especially from him, about me and the relationship. I'm busting my ass trying to make things work and he brings for me all this!!! "i'm done" was the last statement in that text i sent to him.
Then the phone rang. (finally, stupid networks) He's like"talk to me". How could i talk to him after such a shock like that? I asked what the hell is he playing at? Why on earth would he think that? I was stammering i remember, because i was in tears, i was yelling and i was in shock. He said he'll call when im calmed down, he didn't.

He sends a text saying i shouldn't hasten my decision, how things shouldn't end like that and that i should speak my mind. Oh hell yes i spoke my mind in the next text message... I told him how humiliated i felt after trying so hard to make things work, then he goes and throws it all back at me by saying such things? (how would you feel when all your efforts are thrown back at you?) THEN he goes and says he's been feeling left out because of all the wrongs he did to me(i still dont understand that part) He says he was looking for reassurance (for what now?!?) and that i shouldn't let things break because i'm the stable one of us.... WHAT!!!! 
I told him very simply, how can things work out if he always doubts me? told him it really hurts me that he still thinks that way. I told him not to talk to me until Thursday. I ouldn't even stand up to go for lunch. I lost my appetite. I felt dizzy. I was so mixed up inside, i was angry, confused, upset, lost, hurt and in pain. I took my books and bag, wiped my tears and went to my best friend on campus.

See, he knows i'm gay. he's gay too. We're both bottoms and we tell each other everything. He was just leaving class, lucky for me, and i'd asked him to come quick...He looked worried. earlier that morning in a free period i had told him how despite all person y's bull, i'd still stay with him...we were even talking about a gift to get for person y! Well, after i told him the story, he was appalled. I showed him the texts. His first reaction was "leave him". He told me i don't deserve all this, and that i should just walk out now. I told him i'm confused. Genuinely speaking i am. Part of me wants to stay with him and part of me wants to leave him. So far less than 4 people know what a state i'm in. In those afternoon lecturers i couldn't concentrate. Its amazing i masked my emotions... Even at home. I strongly suspect though, that my sister has a feeling something's wrong with me. I couldn't tell her, she's abit ill with a cold of sorts and i didn't want to worry her. I had a headache. I had a term paper to do. I did it in record time. Small p and my best friend in school said i shouldn't think about the issue till Thursday. Its a bit hard not to... 

Surely, do i need all this? 

|take the box-Amy Winehouse|

You will most certainly not be suprised

This is a long post, you may want to pour a stiff drink and find a cosy place to read it. Or not. It might be funny to some, but these are serious issues that occured. So there, you were warned...

I start with this quote: "I don't look for drama, drama finds me." It has been a dramatic week. I explain below.
 Okay, i'll start with the most recent happening. On fridays i always meet my friends for tea/coffee/alcohol/food and catch up with whats going on in our lives. Well, i don't have much of life when i'm in school so this is something i look forward to every week. So on friday i was meeting small p, m, emo & a new friend whom i will call tempest g. This is how he earned his name: 
I love Pasara for their tea and ambience. for ksh100 you will get fantastic tea! now tempest g liked their tea (we were there the previous week) so we met up there. Oh god what happened next i will NEVER forget! The waitress decided she's getting rude with us. We sat there for 10 minutes and we were in the process of making orders when emo decided he's removing my laptop to do lord knows what on it... Then she's like "you can't use laptops on this side because of blah blah blah and you've sat for 30 minutes without ordering." WHAT! listen to her! we've sat for 10 minutes then her and her bad mood decides we've sat there for 30 minutes? Emo's like "but we're making orders now and we've been here for 10 minutes." Tempest decides because he's doing law, he'll throw in his homodramatic ballads at her. (oh no...) Mind you i made my order for tea... then she starts being terribly rude! "you can't sit here with that thing without making orders!" HELLO YOU STUPID BITCH TWO OF US MADE ORDERS!!!!! We had made two orders already! I sat there in silence with small p whilst emo and tempest begun their papa dramas at her! Tempest told her "we are customers and we dont need you beng rude to us just because you're having your periods and pms-ing!" (bloody shit! shut up shut up shut up!!!!) 
Then she started, and the next table got involved as well, a woman and her friends. The womans like, "i cant be talked to like that!!! even if you're a waitress surely!" (small p and i have been silent this entire ordeal) Then tempest said "call the manager." Emo took my laptop and went to the other side saying "you know what, i don't need this, if she wants us to go to the other side, fine!!" then he goes. (why me lord?) Then the bitchy, stupid apathetic bovide called a waitress the waitress says i can't have tea on the other side. Emo has gone. tempest is waiting for the manager, i'm still in shock, small p looks like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Then the manager comes, and (relief please?) he's like "whats the problem?" then tempest starts saying how the waitress was rude etc etc, the waitress begins her hormonial ballads, the other table starts butting in.... all i wanted was tea not this!!! The manager apologizes for her behaviour, Tempest says sorry for insulting her, and im thinking "now can i get my tea?" We weren't served. See that restaurant is run by a family and the manager is the son of the owner who's an old guy i respect, but now emo comes by (after i'd called him asking whats not happening?) He came by, said he's leaving, gave me my laptop and said "the manager said if we're not ordering anything we ought to leave." and he left. WE ORDERED WHAT THE FUCK??? clearly we we weren't being served. We got up and left.
 So now i'm banned from my favourite joint!!! (i cannot go there for my image has been ruined with no thanks to tempest and emo) All a guy wanted was tea with his friends not confrontations with a waitress who had bitchy issues and friends who can't control their temperaments... I went home after we went to dormans. I cooked. Took my medicine and slept. Didn't even eat. I felt so humiliated after that ordeal... It didn't help that at dormans tempest was soooo ok with everything. HOW??? I still feel horrible that i tolerate friends with such attitudes, more so the fact that they blew up a situation that could have been avoided...
That, is how tempest earned his name. 

I will not tell you how At lunchtime that same day, another waitress bad mouthed me just because i go to a catholic institution (she asked where i go to school, told her). She also told small p to go on a diet. We were in shock...we were not rude, mean or anything! just nice customers. I think it just wasn't a day meant for dining.  

By the way, i haven't told my friends that they wont see me until December. Starting next weekend i'll be indoors reading for my semester finals. Those exams wont pass themselves.

>>>>Moving on to Saturday>>>>

I woke up and i was supposed to take my very eccentric, fun, great friend y shopping for a bag for her mum and herself. She'd been outta town for 4 months, 3 weeks and 6 days. (i count sue me.) So i was to take her to gikomba. I got to town at 9.30am, and quickly dashed to buy a manual organizer. (they still exist!) why would i spend money on one? My smartphone crashed (yet again, kwanza these days it hides my emails and sms messages, shame on it!) so i lost maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany contacts. I got fed up. I will manually write all my friend's details and keep that organizer safe. Its good to have a hard copy of something somewhere. ANYWAY i met up with her and emo (he didnt say sorry for his behaviour the previous day) and chatted for abit. Mind you Gikomba's prices will have sky rocketed by the time we get there (go in the morning at 8am or earlier even). Emo decided he's not coming (im not surprised) so it was y and i. You know what, lets call her eccentric! i'm phasing out the letter system and replacing them with odd but fitting terms. We went to gikomba talking talking talking! (I've really missed her!) We get there, go round, loooooooook and not find anything.


That was the first time i went to a market and DIDN'T buy anything!!! Something is seriously wrong with me... i wan't feeling the place! the sun was shining for me but nope, nothing. Hakuna. zero. Nada. I didn't buy anything. We decided to go to Adams arcade, another market called toi (that is basically a roofless mall because middle class people found it, along with the chinese and tourists and expatriates which pushed up prices) and when we got there, we see traders running with their things (oh my goodness what did we walk into?) and promptly hear someone saying "ghai kanjo!" which means "oh my God the officers!". Yes, Nairobi city council were cracking down on hawkers and traders without a trading licence thingie and they were running! One blue Lorry packed with things and their sellers. Sad. The rest of the market was intact still. Yaey... We went inside and looked for a bag. Now something interesting happened, i found a burberry black label bag (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!) but wasn't sure it was real (shit!) and calls to people like fabulous s didn't yield. So i left it. (imagine). In that market i bought.....a book. Yes. Whilst eccentric was buying handbags i bought a yellow book thats an autobiography of a fat housewife. for 100 bob. What's wrong with me? I could have bought clothes but nothing appealed to me and i wasn't in the mood for shopping! Oh dear! We left. She had things and i had a book. 

We decided to walk to town. it was a good walk! It only took 40 minutes. Walking is a great way of seeing places... Especially with pleasant company! . In town i decided i'd buy shoes (which i what i was shopping for anyway) and i got decent, thorn crushing, mud tolerant weinbrenners. And i've seen other loafers which ill get later when funds come again. We had lunch at java (first proper meal since the previous day at lunchtime) then she had to go and i was left in town waiting for that bastard extravagant p who never came even after an hour of waiting, he's so full of chicken shit i even wonder how people stand him so i went home. That home of mine has been having mood swings of late, ghastly business... i hid in my room till dinner time.... ok it wasn't really hiding but i like to avoid people's moods because they unload it onto me. Which i dislike.

Where is person y? You'd think after i talked to him he'd change. No my sweethearts, he hasn't. We were meant to do lunch on friday, no confirmation. No text. No call. Nope, nothing. The text said his friend was in hospital. How sad. I wished the friend well. But SERIOUSLY YOU COULDN'T CALL OR TEXT TO TELL ME YOU'RE NOT COMING?? I wish he'd communicated. I sent a text earlier but it went...amiss. "We should link up before yesterday!!" was the last line in the text that came from him at 11pm. Really?  When i try so hard to make things work and then i get such treatment i tend to just want to screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam out loud!!! But i didn't. I did what my father tells me to do when people bother me: ignore them. I haven't brought myself to call or text back, and he hasn't even bothered to look for me. 

Judge me all you want but this is not what i was looking for. He's not the same anymore. I put up with his bullshit all this time, i've worried my arse off about him, i've consulted people about him, HECK, i even sacrifise precious time to be with him. But this? I'm lonely in this relationship. It would be rich if i left him. To date, only one person, my ex girlfriend (yes, i dated a girl in highschool thinking my sexuality would be straight, shock on me, i was even advising her about guys. She's bisexual now, living in Canada.) has ever dumped me. I do not have commitment issues. See, i'm the relationship kind but this kind of wonky relationships i dont do. One way input. Why am i trying to make this institution work? I like him alot (i seem to like bad boys why now?) but at the end of the day i'm the one that ends up suffering. I haven't yet decided what to do... I know it will kill him if i told him i'm leaving him. He'd go, drink himself silly, get ill, drunk dial me, insult me probably, and if he remembers, even drive to my home at an odd hour and make a scene. Its not funny. I can see someone (you definately know yourself, you the creator of the word homodrama) laughing, but this can REALLY happen, he's that type of person.

Ultimately I'm disappointed in myself, in that the fact i'm not strong enough to brave through all this. I think this was/is (i really hate admiting things) a rebound. I'm not going to bore you about how i wont do relationships/guys/whatever again because i just know something will happen, eventually. Look at this one. 

|I could be your consolation, if you be my saving grace------->ATB-my saving grace|


The city by the lake is a fun one

I finally went out of the city for some much needed fun over the weekend. The destination: kisumu city!

The main reason i went was because my aunt was celebrating her 50th birthday and my cousins were throwing her a party...a surprise party hihi... So off I went, by road, to westen Kenya. Getting there was fun! I got to see amazing scenery, even passed through the tea town of kenya, where i was born. The minute I got there I had to change and meet up with relatives at the venue. OH kisumu has amazing weather! It felt like warm daytime at night!

>>>to the venue>>>

Now, it was being held at a hotel ballroom/conference hall and wow, what a great job they did! And the people that were there... Lets just ay EYE CANDY!!! Now its a rare treat for me in nairobi when I see tall, dark, handsome jaluo or luhya men.. Ok short even. BUT DAAAAAAYUM this city had them all! It was abit hard not to stare at some... Ok ok fine... Ill stop painting pictures about them...
Back to the event, my aunt had no idea (which is a miracle considering that whole family is a prominent one there) it was happening, she thought it was a dinner for a club or something... hehe... The look on her face was priceless! Oh, mother dearest was there too! (Ill get to her later) let the dinner begin! It was also my uncles birthday! He sent for enough alcohol, red labels included (oh boy). After dinner thats where the fun REALLY started..

Mother dearest found out I drink, because I ordered an alcoholic punch...mmm.... She was like, "you're drinking alcohol???" and my aunt's like "he' 20!" and I'm like "im 20 years old!". My aunt rocks! :) I think my mum has had her suspicions confirmed. Then she's like "ok!" my uncles were beaming... Very funny table scene... My mum also said she's "going to have fun too!" which means.....
My goodness everyone was on that dancefloor dancing to rhumba, lingala and ohangla and some other secular music... I refused to dance because I don't want people to start raising questions. About? "are you a man?" kind of questions... Besides my cousins were busy getting me plastered (i'm not one to turn down amarula on the rocks) and catching up with them...

By the way I was in official clothes.

Which got the attention of several ladies and i was soooo caught off guard! Panic! What do i do??? PANIC! That was in my head. I decided to play cool and say "sorry i'm seeing someone back home".. And they were quite pretty ladies too! People of westen kenya can be quite elegant. They seemed abit down but im like "y'all deserve a guy better than me". They were like "only the good ones say that..." which really made me smile (haija!). And its the truth! I have someone! Except its not a woman...

Midnight came and everyone, mother included? is as high as the clouds! What! I had like 8 doubles of rocky amarula (yummy!) which meant half the bottle went... My cousin had famous grouses (shudder) then he decided we're going out. Infact that was my mother's suggestion! (what!) so off to this joint called mon amie...

Where we me my cousins girlfriend and her friend. I met a former high school friend there, who was shocked I was in such company (why now? Tu es shaaaady). hmmm... Even my cousins fiiiiiine friend was there! Remember him? From June? That one! Also high. And his mates were good looking too! (lord that place was torture! Look but don't touch) That whole club was high! And the men were look at. I love how some of them speak! Its very entertaining. More ladies came to hit on me. Which my cousins and i found amusing. Turned them ALL down! And they were very pretty, including my cousin's girlfriend's friend....
Whom I was told is bad news...
Yes she is! But I had fun anyway. She poisoned my double malibu!! With absolut! Yuck! And that, ladies and gentlemen is what got me a guaranteed high. I could still stand, see, walk and talk properly after the amarula and punches I had but that one now messed my system. Could walk though. We left at 4am to go help my cousin's friend get his ride out of a ditch.

Dear god, peugeot 504's are heavy.

That ordeal lasted an hour! 3 people that were my cousin, myself and a motorcyclist hoisted that car out of the ditch... Got back into the house at 5.30am! Oh by the way, my cousin knows im gay. He kinda figured it out. Especially after the argument that girl and i had in the car... she's a dyke and she don't know yet... LOL! Had cake and slept for 3 hours. I was up early, had slept on the couch. My uncles, aunts and mother were soooo hangover! Me included. That was the worst hangover of the year!!! My head hurt all day even with pain killers.. I got to see kisumu by day. Its a nice small city. The lake is very nice... Shame I didn't get to go to the beach. I had to come back home that day.

So I got home at 8pm yesterday. The driver of the car got us home in 7 hours, not bad considering we took a long route home and there was traffic. School didn't look like an amusing thought... I actually didn't go. Im ill! Blasted change in weather... I have a cold....

But that was fun! I'll go back in December!

But do I say...


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