This is my first truly explicit post in a while. I just feel like writing my heart out! And what's in it. You may need a stiff drink. Or a duvet. Both!
First, material things.
My bag is tearing up worse! I need to replace it soon.....after i replace my wardrobe. You know things are bad when your friends start predicting what you're gonna wear the next day. And i need bright coloured underclothes. Why? Becaue when i was doing a certain exam on Thursday and i was smack in the middle of the class, and people were bent over their papers, i saw things. Ladies you are not excluded! First of all, WHY do guys wear such boring coloured boxers? YES, i could see chap's boxers! And butt cracks! But lets focus on those boxers... The only interesting one i saw was a green one with repeat print of a deer's silhouette. The rest were gray, white, black, brown.... yawn. Why was i looking at boxers? Question 3 was difficult. And they were right there infront of me! Sue me. So i'd like something interesting because when i'm bending over (silly, not like that!) People will see my interesting selection of underwear and think "hmmmmm, that person has such colourful undies, he must be interesting" OR "OMG what a freak!"
And theeeen, i hate not having a laptop. I'm lappieless for now. I don't think my siblings like it when i use theirs.... and Churchill has joked! He wants me to get a refurb. "A what now?" i ask. "Yes you know your demands are not many, it can get lost etc etc and their expensive to replace." said he. Ummmmmm..... WHAT! Okay i admit, i sulked. He's right though. But, i sat down and thought about it. Yes the only things i do or would do are office work, the internet, music listening and movie watching and light graphic manipulation. So, With a deep sigh, i'm bracing myself for like a 5 year old thing. Or something. Hey it's something some people (from loaded families too) don't have. I should be grateful. Should be. It would help if he didn't get himself an N900 or give my brother an xperia. But boohooo. I'll make do with whatever i get. Besides, i'm sooooo in love with these IBM/Lenovo lappies! Simple but powerful ( they were back in the day). As i'm asked "why not an old pavillion?", Well, pavillions and their lid graphics are just attention seekers AND they're not as durable. AND my neighbour has an old IBM thinkpad that has like, a 166mhz processor running windows 98 and it still works and serves him to this day. If slim and light/durability is my thing is should consider one of these.
"Those boring things are so daddy like" my classmate said. "you're boring."
There it was. That word again. "boring".
I seem to have become an utter bore lately...Based on people's opinions (which they failed to conceal). M said "you've lost your cuppateaness", another said "why aren't you noisy anymore?". It hurts that they say that. Ofcourse i brush it off and say "naaaaaah" but the other day, that night when i was randomly awake, i really did some thinking...It might be true. When's the last time i went to an art gallery or got drunk or went to a concert? All i seem to do lately is worry or get stressed or mood swings.... School dominates my life, especially this short semester that has gone by... whatever happened to not caring? Is that really how Adults look at life? I still get my bursts of happiness! just not as often. And i still try to be positive and look at life positively! But it's getting harder by the day! People and things are making it harder for me to keep looking at them positively, and that, my friends, is becoming a real problem for me. I want to be happy, is that too much to ask? Well, I'll still remain optimistic and try to do my best to be a positive, happy go lucky kinda guy...
I returned a certain item belonging to an ex. I gave small p the key D gave me. It's nice that they have something special going on... I saw D today properly for the first time in a while... Well, he's pretty much the same... Dare he hurt small p in anyway he'll be in trouble with me! i wish them well though...
I haven't heard from superman in two days. i've been doing those exams and trying not to worry about him. Which i sorta have. i'm clocking a year sexless (its turned into a drought) and sincerely speaking, i don't know if i should find someone to put out this fire or i just sit down, meditate and pray it just goes away. I've known this bloke for 7 months now and he's had soooooooooo many chances to romance me. the most we ever do is just serious making out but he never goes beyond that... even when i encourage him to. He "freaks out" so he says. Gay sex freaks him out. i still haven't figured out why. I don't know why i'm writing this btw. Anyway, love making is an important part of a relationship... it builds bonds between lovers... Right now, i'm only experiencing this emotionally.Superman means the world to me, but he's not touching me, which makes me feel like, like, i'm not... attractive or i don't mean much to him. I've talked to him about this. His say? "it will come with time". Oh joy. Being a Libra means i have so much patience...Merciful God get me through this...
I'm going to have a random holiday. I shan't make plans, they will come as the days go by...I bet you i'll be waking up early. This always happens. The days i wanna sleep i end up being woken up by the dog, my sisters, the ayah or....planes at ludicrously low heights.
|Until the rainbow burns the stars out of the sky
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Until the day that 8 times 8 times 8 is 4
Until the day that is the day that are no more---------->George Michael & Mary J Blige- As|