Appalled at the premier

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It’s been a busy period for me, with exams happening. It doesn’t make me blind though.

Seen on capital FM news section:

“We will not tolerate such behaviours in the country. The constitution is very clear on this issue and men or women found engaging in homosexuality will not be spared,” Mr Odinga said.“Any man found engaging in sexual activities with another man should be arrested. Even women found engaging in sexual activities will be arrested,” the premier warned.
Speaking at a public rally at the Kamukunji grounds in his Nairobi’s Kibera constituency on Sunday afternoon, the Prime Minister cited the recent population census results which put the ratio of men to women equal and wondered why people should engage in homosexuality.
“This [homosexual] kind of behaviours will not be tolerated in this country. Men or women found engaging in those acts deserve to be arrested and will be arrested,” he told the crowd.
He said leaders who were propagating rumours of same sex marriages in Kenya during campaigns for the new Constitution had failed miserably because Kenyans did not buy their propaganda.
“Those were lies from leaders who wanted to confuse Kenyans to reject the new law; the Constitution is very clear on that matter. It does not state anywhere that same sex marriage is legal in Kenya,” he added.
The Bill of Rights under chapter four of the new Constitution states that: “Every adult has the right to marry a person of the opposite sex, based on the free consent of the parties.”
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Not enough? The daily Nation had a more direct quote from him with their article:

“The PM thrilled the crowd when he asserted that the recent census showed there were more women than men and there was no need for same sex relationships.

He said it was madness for a man to fall in love with another man while there were plenty of women and added that there was no need for women to engage in lesbianism yet they can bear children.”

Where on earth did that come from??? I’m appalled at what the Prime Minister has said. Honestly, out of all the topics on this planet, including, water, poverty eradication, economic building, you know, things he’s specialized in, he instead chose to speak ill against queer people in Kenya. Now, normally when a politician rambles about gays i just ignore the issue, mild politics. But this man is one of the country’s most influential men around. Not only is it fuelling unnecessary hate, but honestly, the constitution he pushed to be passed that supposedly protects human rights, HONESTLY! Wouldn’t you call this hypocrisy? 

There’s some news i was told by a friend of mine, he said it’s just a statement in a public rally. It’s not a directive that has been issued. That would require a process. And he knows better than to do that, he along a few other ministers are the one that help get donor funding from developed nations and development contracts. Were he to do such, they would be withdrawn. Which is quite true. I know for a fact that he's getting grief over the subject matter. I’m almost certain that human rights groups and diplomats have asked for a meeting with him.

Macharia Gaitho wrote about it today in todays Daily Nation. He, just like me, is baffled as to why Mr.Odinga said such. He wonders if a group or individual did something wrong to him. I ask the same.

Sadly, Mr.Odinga has lost my vote and respect. Really, i thought he knew better than to speak like this. Unfortunately, he’s just like any other Kenyan politician. Out to get popularity using baseless topics.

Tamaku and GNM have also spoken about the issue.

You are beautiful!

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''i don't know why i feel like this, i like guys more than i do girls...''

this sentence is said by a number of men. Or teenagers. Or people in early thirties. The unsure man are a number in the society. Yes. As large as the gay population is and some people are gay friendly, some people are still afraid, conficted and confused. No this isn't about me dating such men. It's about how they could deal with it. And how i dealt with my confliction during teenagehood.

First things first. You are not alone. There's many other guys in your situation. You feel heavy, misunderstood, confused, sometimes angry and frustrated. You like guys but you like girls too. You like guys more than you do girls. You get excited when you see a mans body. The list is endless really. Why do you feel like this, you ask?

Because you're human.

It's only human to feel and relate emotionally with others! We're designed, as humans, to like people whom we're able to connect with at a higher level i.e emotionally. Those whom we 'like'. Those whom you make an extra effort for. Even A-sexuals, much as they don't have a sexuality, they still feel as well. Bisexuals tend to have an emotional balance for both genders.

So you wonder, amidst all this interior conflict, what can you do? It's simple. It all starts with acceptance. Stand infront of a mirror and say 'i like guys.' (ladies who have an affinity for the same gender replace the term guys with girls) look at yourself saying it. How do you feel? Say it again. Do you feel lighter? Like a great weight's taken off your chest right? But then it's replaced with something else.

Self-loathing. I'm right when i say that 90% of Kenyan queers have been brought up religiously. These ones will feel like ''oh no, the bible says abcd about homosexuality etc etc'' i understand where you come from, but really will you let a history book and organized religion stop you from being yourself? Be true to yourself! Stop lying to yourself. Won't do much good, you're just hurting yourself really. Don't ever hate yourself for being who you are!

Just Be yourself! You have those moments where you express yourself freely and it feels good! Then you quickly go back to being ashamed or scared. I know this. From the young ones who wear their mothers shoes and make up accessories and stand in front of a mirror feeling good, to the ones who freely talk about feminine related things like feelings, or the ones who just feel comfortable being open with themselves!

It's just the way you are. There's nothing wrong with you. So you teenager there, your sister smiles at you when you borrow her tops because she's happy seeing you happy! You the jock who can't stop staring or making quick glances at slender pretty men, just talk to them! There's nothing wrong. Reading this might make it seem easy but it's not. But with time it will. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being yourself! Your life belongs to you and you alone! No one else.

Before i accepted myself, i had a hurricane inside me. I was Very pained and ashamed. Alone. Scared. Angry. But then one morning, i woke up happy, happy than i was in years! I knew nothing could change the way i felt about guys. Nothing in this world! Everything was a hundred times brighter. I told my closest, best friend i was gay. See i spent years with him, and out of everyone he was the most open minded. You know what he said?

''finally.''
which then followed with:
''i'm gay as well. LOL!''
Which had me say:
''oh thank God haha!''

i finally understood why the gay bully fought for me in high school, i understood why some guys wanted me to be a ''boarder'' (that hall saw alot of drama my goodness) instead of a day scholar....alot of things. How else did i deal with it? I talked to a shrink. Yes. A psychologist. The beauty of email really. I got to meet him and we'd talk about lots! He told me there's loads of gay youth around. Nothing to fear. I met more people along the way, till where i am today.

So remember, you're not alone. It's okay to love members of the same gender. God is love anyway!


''you are beautiful, no matter what they say...."--------->beautiful-Christina Agulera

BIP: booze pills insomnia

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Skip to the bottom for a frank summary. read if you wanna giggle abit.

“The pills i’m going to prescribe should be effective.” The doctor said.

“Really? that’s what the other woman said last time about those green pills, all they’d make me do is feel shitty when i take them" i said.

“They will work, don’t worry cuppatea. you take alcohol?” he asked

“yes…" i said looking guilty.

He scribbles something on a paper.

“you’ll be fine.” He said.

“I sure hope so.” i said.

The  pharmacist is writing something on one of the meds. One of my prescriptions has been written “AVOID ALCOHOL” in felted handwriting. They’re bright yellow and massive, round in shape, to be taken thrice daily. They’re pretty strong! I came to find out why such a stark warning was written on it! This was Thursday. My medical experience lately has been a scary one. You the reader, will be kept in suspense about this. For a VERY long time! Why? just because. <insert cheeky smile>

Met small p and M for a late lunch at a restaurant with a funny name. Do fried potatoes that are shaped like chips count as eating healthy? this new “eating healthy” thing isn’t working too well LOL! Brief meeting, i’m not supposed to be seeing friends in this time of reading for semester finals. Looks like i broke that rule! Again.

Friday.

We’re done with the semester yaey us! We have exams for two weeks bloody shit! Anyway, it all started with a photocopier right, the campus ones are shitty and they print dark images, so we thought “hey lets go to the shopping centre and photocopy econ notes there” which is what we did! There was a bar there too. (oh oh) My classmates wanted a soda! Which was fine. Until A bottle of brandy came. And another. And another. and another. and another. and another. All 750s. (N.B A 750’s a big bottle.) Coke and brandy, though very crude, go very nicely with each other! Before we drank i protested abit, the usual meds story and how i had to be somewhere in an hour… True, though i pushed my arrival to that somewhere by a few hours. The usual sharing of stories and drinking continued. To the point i can’t remember jack! All i remember was the third bottle being popped open! I think i left at 4pm (got there at 1pm) and was supposedly going home…..

…..Until i woke up at A & T’s place! AT 10pm!!!! 10!!! Apparently i stumbled in and crashed on the sofa. Not before staggering all over the house. Classy…  So i woke up at 10pm and i was terribly high! They caught me on camera and one photo made its way into that nice website called fakebook. It took about an hour and a half to get coherent and get my bum home! In the midst of all that drunk dialling, staggering, staggering some more and not eating. Then you’d think i’d black out till the next morning, riiiiight? WRONG! I found Chubaka awake working and watching telly. In my high state i went, removed my clothes and walked into the living room with my boxers on! And i sat. “Yes i’m high.” I said. “I won’t ask” he replied. TCM had Jekyll and Hyde playing! So we watched that. It actually made sense! Chatted abit. It’s one of those rare moments where he doesn’t give me grief for being high… then i went to bed. I slept for an hour then i woke up, fresh. The whole house’s asleep. Except me. Music! For like 5 hours. I slept at 5am. Mind you all this time i was still high as kite! Daaaaaaayum meds and booze don’t go well. AT ALL! Don’t do it! Just don’t! Save yourselves! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!

Saturday.

9am. Cartoons are on. Thatcher’s not home. My siblings are awake and laughing at me for drunk dialling them. Meh. I could not for the love of cars, eat food! I still had booze in my system plus my tongue had a shit aftertaste! Now to go and find out what i did the previous night at A & T’s. Not before i got a call from the gothic one. Random Saturday plot, purely a daytime thing, he said. Okay i might come, i said. I needed fun, i’ve been lacking that lately. Some Christmas fair in a posh suburb. Visiting T, he showed me most of the videos they recorded. Oh. My. God! I couldn’t believe that was me!!! It’s like watching a different copy of me being a total drunk! Smashing. I decided to go and see gothic one. T was hangied so i let him be. I get to gothic ones place. And we were having wonderful weather btw! Turns out we’re meeting up with his buddy who’s also an old high school friend of mine! This should be fun. There was a STUPID amount of traffic! And the Heat! So we don’t go for the fair thing, but we do find ourselves at, get this, a sports PUB! There was an Arsenal vs Tottenham match going on. These two wanted to get high. Oh lord here we go again. Three beers was enough to call the day befores brandy and miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiixxxxxxxx! Crap i was high again. Yes i’d not eaten since Friday lunchtime! It was Saturday afternoon/evening. We went to a Kenchic (Kenyan version of McDonalds) and savaged fries and a whole chicken! Food. So. Good! And there were shots of kachumbari (Wet chillies, tomatoes and onions mixed with a dash of salt-an accompaniment with roasted meats)! AVOID! Your arse and the loo will get involved in a relationship and your arse will BURN!! BURN! Again, don’t do it! And then, at this mall where the sports pub was, there was a shallow pool with children in bubbles! YES WE DID! We got inflated in plastic bubbles and floated around. Mind you i’m high! We were playing Tag. That was EPIC!! Though massively tiresome! I went home after that.

I didn’’t sleep till 2am. Insomnia’s a cruel hearted bitch especially when you’re high! So a listened to music. Music’s like my best friend right now. There’s this wicked mix my brother gave me that has everything from Adam Lambert to P-square in it! 55 minutes of super-dancable music! Nice.

And now it’s Sunday. I’ve only read a page. Reading’s hard and there’s still lots of Nonsense in my life right now. I’ve fallen out with a friend (i’m being ignored on all social networks and as serious as it is, i find it incredibly funny and teenagerish. i’m sorry for my being honest with you.), i’m sick for life, i’m behaving in such rotten manners, i’m cursing alot (Thatcher’s noticed) and i’m in a weird place in my life right now. Again! That doesn’t stop me from being my usual self though. These shenanigans just appear randomly! 

I’ve kinda ran outta things to say, but just know i’m still breathing.

p.s in my most honest defence, i don’t go looking for drama, it usually finds me instead.

|Runaway, runaway
But I can't tell you if you
Runaway, runaway,
Turn around and runaway---------------->run away-Maroon 5|

Dans la cuisine

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What does cuppatea do when society, friends, books or men aren’t all up in his business?

He cooks!

Lunch hour today. You see when cuppatea is hungry his stomach makes more noise than a hungry koala. So he ventured into the Kitchen. In that kitchen he found that the substances there weren’t edible as they were raw. So he decided to pretend he’s Susan Kamau (Kenya’s local Martha Stewart) and make a meal! His audience wasn’t millions of stay at home dads or mums, but a monster of a creature by the name little dog!

He ventured into the kitchen garden and found a few kale leaves, and some mint. Then he begun by chopping up two tomatoes and one onion. The smaller the onion the more taste it seems to give! Peel the bastard onion first! IMG_20101116_125606

Next, he blended the tomatoes, onion and mint into a fine puree.

IMG_20101116_130211

He then put two table spoons of sunflower oil (be healthy y’all), quarter teaspoon of salt and a table spoon of garlic into the pot. Fry the garlic until it’s brown, then add your puree, with a dash of spicy paprika to flavour it up and let it cook on low heat as you add your finely cut kales to the cooking puree or sauce as it now is until it looks like this:

IMG_20101116_131243

Add some finely sifted wheat flour to make it thick, with water. He didn’t want it so thick so he added just abit of water! Add some soy sauce and let it simmer for another five minutes.

He then went and raided the bread-bin and found brown whole wheat bread! 3 slices ought to do it. He then toasted them until they were nice and crunchy, but not too crunchy, they should be abit soft in the inside.

IMG_20101116_131327

He then poured into the soup into a nice bowl, garnished it with a sprig of mint and was ready to attack the fine meal! See, it’s that easy, anyone can do it! The name of the recipe? Minty kale tomato soup! Bon appetit!

IMG_20101116_132031

OM NOM NOM!

|We R who we R-K$sha|

Sunday morning rambles

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So, I've started my retreat from almost everyone... and in the process making a new friend. Hilarious cool fellow! Last night I was up until half past midnight doing schoolwork, listening to.....wait for it, Lingala! Fally Ipupa's hot! In all ways. His music is like Kofi Ollomide 2.0! That nice...
I've come out looking like a complete bitch for being Frank with people lately. Sorry. I've no idea what's up with me lately... lets say collective stress. Pathetic excuse but it will have to do.
And guess who's an android convert? I have no idea how ill go back to using a normal phone again, its that good! I had the honour of playing with an HTC Desire HD. Wow! Is all I can say. Least I have something to work towards getting...maybe not that particular handset but something like a nexus one or equivalent. Simply the best smartphone OS I've used. Ever.
And now my tea beckons...have a blessed Sunday wherever you all are.
PS. GNM moved homes, find him at kenyangayman.WordPress.com

Thoughts unedited

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I’ve had some major block when it comes to writing literature lately, so i’ve decided to post exactly what’s been/is on my mind… I can’t connect them into sensible words. so i’d been writing them as short statements, sentences in the phone. and now they’re here. Beware the melancholy nature.

Oh. My . Goodness! that guy’s fiiiiine! Why does he say hi to me? he’s got such a muscular body too… Oh well, he’s probably one of the nicer hetero guys in campus. And look at what he’s wearing! those jeans make his bum look nice lol…

I can’t believe what doc’s told me. I didn’t think such symptoms would make me come here. here i am. and there’s a line. Thank goodness those results are negative. So what’s wrong with me then? crap i have to do labtests and these guys are telling me the lab’s closed. When will i get time? i can’t skive class because exams are near! It’s scary doing this alone.

How can all my closest friends not even turn up for my party? i’ve worked so hard to make this night happen and not one of them is here. They’d rather be at ****’s place instead. great. Talk about support yeah? my two ex boyfriends are here! could this night get any more wierd? I wont even shop with whatever cash i get from this. Paying back debts is more important than clothes. i hate debts! how do i land in these situations? sigh…lesson learned i guess.

Interesting how i felt no connection after that. Guess he sort of fulfilled his fantasy? no mood to get laid with the way i’m feeling. Drunk people can be so mean, i didn’t need all that last night. #oxen

What the hell is wrong with these people? stupid questions. No it’s not raining, condensed moisture is falling from the sky for the fun of it. Dumbass. it must be these pills, i’ve not been this sarcastic since…. wow i can’t remember. I hate being ill, it makes me so weird.ah, bite me! i’ve been tryna smile but with all this shit lately it’s hard, doesn’t help when other people are being moody also.

I've changed how? wow. From people’s perspectives i’ve changed? interesting. I still see myself as normal. Classmate says i’ve become quiet and withdrawn. Maybe he's right? don’t know.

dameeeet these pills! Not only is this class a bore but i feel like throwing up on the lecturer! him and his “what do you mean?” what, you want me to explain the whole ideology of female cramps to you? she’s down today thats why she’s not in class fool! He bought his MBA this one…

Imogen heap and Mika are such a cool duo, “by the time” is such an amazing song. As is “Edi Brickell’s circle of friends” song. “Me, i’m a part of your circle of friends and we, noticed you don’t come arooooooooound….”

Yaey the rain! infact rain and flood everywhere so that walking tomorrow wont be such a bore.

i think i want to be as far away from people for the rest of the month. I feel like i’m boring them or imposing. They’re giving me timeouts because of these stupid moods of mine. it seems i need to sort myself out. Guess the girls will be the last ones i see this month. Ooo wait, what about mr.date? shall he be the exception? i should quit social networks! wait that can’t work. I’m stuck! Swear i should order an old-ass ericsson T29 and stick with it. call and text. simple.

I swear i feel so disconnected from the world, it’s like i’m a puppet that’s collapsed, there’s no strings holding the damn marionette up. 

inner peace is something i’m looking for. the end.

Reading these thoughts above, i’m a work in progress innit? Neurotic soul meets melancholic thoughts. i’ll even add a picture of how i view my world from my perspective lately. Lord send me some colour into my life…

 

 

 

|And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning.----->Not like the movies-Katy Perry|

run the show

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It's been a week but it feels like it's been forever! Hi there! Happy Month of November, it's bound to be a bore.

Despite an event that failed to launch, i carried my head up high, using a statement from the comedy "Whoopi",  "George.W.Bush went to Iraq to look for weapons of mass destruction, and did he find any? No! He kept his head up high and continued with his life!" So i continued with my own life as usual. School was hectic, including a 19 paged term paper with a surprise assessment that threw me off (oh dear, i have surely caught you people in that paper, the lecturer said.) and it's about to get worse (the joy!) but really, the holidays are just around the corner, or so i convince myself. I prepare my self for some serious academic assault these few coming weeks! Beware the fat textbook.

Oh yeah, so i threw another event! I don't give up that easily. So when my friend, an experienced events manager (especially with gay parties) told me to work with him, i was skeptical but i joined him. He's very interesting. He's quite tough! He looks gentle but the shit life's thrown at him really impresses me, especially how he's dealt with them. I've been having meetings with him all week, as well as advertising the event by talking to people personally or via fakebook, meeting the restaurant's owner and sourcing DJs...it was quite tough pulling it all together! Speaking of DJs the one we contracted was FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!! WHAT! Tall dark and handsome but heterosexual. Or bisexual. But he's off-limits. So waiting on people to come was sooo unnerving but they came. Including two of my ex-boyfriends whom i hadn't told about the party but BOOM! They turned up! Of course at separate times but it was still weird. Moreso that Superman was one of them. He looked quite surprised to see me standing at the ticket booth supervising. Lots more came. See the price of this event let more people come (to this new place that they were bitching was far---really? spring valley's posh people!) and they had fun! Some wanted larger numbers so they didn't stay but i realize that not everyone likes massive packed parties, because these people were having lots of fun! They danced, chilled out on the couches and mingled. It was good. Being the manager of the event, i had to make sure everyone was served well, was okay etc. My partner of this event and the restaurant's owner were around as well. Partner was tipsy but he managed it well. I even sent everyone free tequila! My stripper was MIA though. Imma bust his ass when he tries to call! good thing we were doing a cash upon delivery service with our contracted people. I didn't even drink! I'm on meds. Again.

Unfortunately, all my best friends DIDN'T turn up for my event! Some were tired or had other places to be or just weren't interested. The rest, well, they'd gone to eastlands for another mutual friend's birthday party. Not even one came! Talk about support innit? My date from recently came though, i introduced him to some of my other friends in the crowd. Anyway, 2.30am i went to that gig, satisfied that the party was running well and my business partner sobered up. I went with my date. To eastlands.There, we found a very drunk house party! I didn't last long, just an hour. some people drunk and throwing up all over the place... and I get irritated when i'm sober and people are drunk because drunk people throw an array of words at me that hurt me even if i don't show it. We got home at a quarter to 5am. Slept in T's bed. And i slept. So, so tired...

You know, i thought i wanted to write more...Inspiration will come when it wants to.

"Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving...
"---------------->the man who can't be moved-The Script
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