thoughts unedited 2

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  • I’m utterly convinced that there is a medication that enhances a person’s level of stupidity, honestly Esther Murungi, how do you even say such a thing, quarantine HIV patients? bet you feel really silly now? Yes, yes you do.
  • I hang up on you because you refused to listen to me explain why i couldn’t come for your dinner thing today. When you don’t wanna listen to me, i stop trying to make you listen. Tried to tell you i’m physically tired due to a 5 hour class and low sugar levels. and i felt like a last minute invite, an afterthought. so i hang up on you, because i’m tired. the end. See you In December when you come back from that retarded country.
  • So guys in class won’t interact with me because i hold doors open for ladies, i’m expressive of thoughts and i’m talkative? Guys please, letting a lady pass before you, it’s called simple manners. Freedom of speech, last i checked, is a right in the constitution. So kiss my ass and get used to me! Cocks.
  • To you, the dumbass lecturer who’s a phd holder, yes, we know you’re smart. But to a certain extent. Don’t render student’s opinions baseless because you know little in that field.
  • i’ve asked to see you a number of times this year but you’re either always “busy” or “you’ll let me know”. What happened? Even when i tell you i’m free you just blow me off! Just when i thought you were different from all the other guys. Like that little book i read says, “when a guy is into you, they make time to see you no matter what the situation they’re in.” I’m not impressed.
  • You might think i’m daft but i know you’re secretly not pleased that i got into that institution. How do i know? Your lack of help when i asked for it, even though you study the same thing and go through the same processes. But i ended up doing it all by myself. Without your help. It’s not like i’m going to overshadow you or anything. I am NOT competing with you. i’m your friend. at least i still think i am, if you want us to be. God i’ve wanted to say this for the longest time ever, but here it is: GROW UP!
  • If it weren’t for other friends i swear i’d pull the plug on fakebook. I don’t always want to know what’s going on.
  • Sarah Mclachlan’s song “love come” embraces me like a man does. Powerful song. Shame iTunes genius don’t recognize it. That or i just have weird music innit?
  • Unfortunately, “being your own friend” is not offered as a course in university. I’ll have to learn. It’s not low self-esteem, it’s what i need when everyone else is busy.

I got you-Leona Lewis

Soldier departed

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I hear there’s a storm in Uganda.

David Kato, an Gay rights activist, was murdered at his home. It is so sad that people have reduced homophobia to this! I can only imagine the pain the LGBT community in Uganda feel…

I didn’t know him personally but i know he was one of the most (if not) popular activists there. Take heart brothers and sisters, Remain strong and united!

Rest in Peace David Kato. You fought a great fight, your brothers and sisters will no doubt continue!

More on the story here.

1st week at 2nd School

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My first week  of the second university has been… Lord, where do i begin?

My first class had an exam where i knew very little! That was Monday. Tuesday saw my deskmates being called “Gikomba Market women” because they were talking loudly among themselves (really the lecturer was just picking on them), Wednesday saw yet another sarcastic lecturer explain to us what a tie is. Yes, a tie. you know, the ones men wear around their neck. that one. I had to bite my pen to stiffle a giggle! There’s an old professor who falls asleep while lecturing and goes “what was i saying? oh yes, blah blah blah…”

Well, in that class i’m friends with many girls already. And some guys. I don’t hide my personality anywhere so i think i’ve been labelled the “gay guy of the class”. Respect me and i respect you. Simple. There’s some eye candy too! Especially one. Until he spoke. He stopped being candy. It’s like a nice ripe looking mango then you find out it’s bitter! Joy.

I have a massive pile of assignments to do though. But it’s abit fun, which is weird. All for a better future for myself in the end. Be thankful for the gift of education, some take it for granted.

I sure as hell don’t.

Time for Myself-Stella Mwangi

Shag Buddy explored

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Let me engage you in thought…

When a friend texts you saying you need a more active sex life it means:

  • They’re using the worst pick up line for booty call.
  • They’re pulling your leg, or other things further north their bodies.
  • Starting conversation; or
  • They seriously speak the truth.

I’ll go with the last bullet. “get a shag buddy” they suggested. Hmmmm….

Discussing a shag buddy. Urban Dictionary defines the term as: “A fuck buddy is when two people just want sex, no strings attached. Usually people do this because they aren't getting sex elsewhere therefore feel the need to have a 'fuck buddy'. With the two people being fuck buddies they can sleep with or have sexual encounters/intercourse with a different person without being in a relationship.”

Right.

Except That tends to get boring and or develop into issues. Problems with shag buddies  include:

  • Clingy-they’re always in your face. And they want to see you all the time. We like space thank you.
  • Inflexible- The call at the worst times. e.g 1am, you’re fast asleep, and the phone rings. “come over”. I mean really? Who’s moving around at that hour?
  • Jealous- It’s like you’re their boyfriend. What the hell? they get envious when they see/hear/heard that you’re with other people or out dancing with guys or hanging out, and they bring issues about it. When i was 18 that happened. Dude, you’re not my boyfriend, i just sleep with you to get sexual satisfaction. that’s all.
  • Boring-They pull of the same moves! It starts with foreplay, missionary style and then on to doggie style. imagine that cycle over and over and over… no way. Don’t get me started with the ones who say “so did you watch top gear last week” whilst busy entering you. I’m pretty sure some people go like “oh yeah Clarkson was a hoot”. If sex begins that way, better pray the ceiling has impressions on it.
  • Kiss & Tell- Because they like bragging to their friends that they’ve slept with you and others haven’t. Honestly what happened to being discreet? ‘Oh the other day when i was fucking X i noticed he has a birthmark near his man boob. Oh do they really? i have one too. Please. Don’t kiss and tell.
  • Infidelity-Being someone’s shag buddy means that you could almost 90% certain, be the other man. They choose NOT to tell you that they’re seeing someone else. Until that someone else walks in on the two of you. I heard that was Pretty dramatic. As did the rest of gay Nairobi. Daaaayum!
  • Complications- Like you falling into-like with them. You may end up developing feelings for them and yet they feel nothing for you emotionally. Which leads to all the above.

Of course there’s positive stuff of having a shag buddy!

  • Timing-Horny? Dial a shag! You’ll most likely get laid within the next few days or if they’re ninjas, hours or minutes!
  • Satisfaction-Yes those endorphins need releasing, as does other substances from your body. Apparently it’s healthy!
  • Exercise-What better way to keep fit and slim that tantric sex? Scream, bend over backwards, Twist legs, wrap around, roll! That’s sex according to me.
  • Future-Not only do end up having a shag buddy, but they can pretty good friends. I have two friends who’re dating because, yup, you guessed it, they used to be shag buddies.

Either way it’s risky fun—for some. I don’t quite know if i want to go through all that again though… are you supposed to find a good one, like the way you would a car, or do you just tell some random character you want a shag?

Clearly, i’ve forgotten.

Fahrenheit 451-ATB

Milestones & Slip-Ups

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I smoked!

I didn’t know how to start this post so i wrote that. But yes, i smoked. I broke a promise to stop smoking (to a few people) and well, yeah. I stopped smoking because everyone was like" “it’s awful, you’re too cute to smoke, it’s unhealthy, it’s not cool” etcetera. the question is, HOW did i smoke? Well, I broke a resolution to drink less this year. Two weeks clean then i go for dinner at a good friends’ house and then there were this delicious cocktails that were made, i swear you couldn’t even taste the vodka! So 9 glasses of those later i was tipsy bordering high. And then some pretty lady gave me a ciggie to hold. It smelt nice… then another friend was like “i’ve got limited edition Dunhills!” That was it! Lately i’d been feeling edgy and nervous but after that one ciggie i was like “woooooh…”. A few more were smoked.

Yeah i let myself down big time. I felt like such a jackass the next day! But oddly wanting a smoke. It’s going to take a few days for the nicotine to wear off my system. Sigh…

Aha! I’m in two universities! I’ve begun a course that has alot of math and is preeetty generic, in an insititution that’s one of the best in Africa, right here in Nairobi. I’m very pleased! Though My social life will die a tragic death, clasping it’s heart in shock with big round eyes asking “why cuppatea, whhhyyyyyy?” Simple, that beemer motorbike won’t magically find it’s way into my garage mid-30s you know. Best i do all these things when i’m young. Anyhoo, they allow smoking in that institution! Will i survive?

I met a very fascinating soul this weekend who’s set to be my badminton partner this year. With an already seemingly hectic schedule i doubt i can climb mountains or take long walks. I need to find a new badminton racket. My little belly needs to go! Whilst speaking to said being, i spoke about my ex. Very rarely will i speak about that man. But as i did, i realized something very important: i have issues placing my trust in men! Until i learn to, i don’t think i’m moving from my current situation. I’ve been single for 5 months. The singles club feels like a real club at 5am, when everyone’s drunk and they want to go home.

I don’t know where that home is though…

“Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!” ------------->
F*cking Perfect-P!nk

Useful Advice

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I came across this when reading a very interesting book called “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. (do not ask. I’m still reading Phantom of the Opera! Honestly this book mysteriously found it’s way onto my quick-read-list. It’s uncanny!)

Calling when you say you’re going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby. And it’s cold outside.”

True.

Dirty Talk-Wynter Gordon

Rubbish about me to you & other things

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I’ve got nothing to write about! Aside catching up with girlfriends, and having my buttocks scooped/grabbed/assaulted by various girls in of peoples’ fathers (i swear we didn’t see him, on top of that the man was FIIIIIINE! His 20 year old son is not hot. at all. How can someone’s father be that well built and good looking? JESUS!) and having political arguments at random new coffee houses (it started off with the South Sudan referendum & somehow ended up at the constitution, Prime minister position and succession politics), to an accident involving a bloody truck and the PSV i was in (it decided that the front of the matatu i was in needed remodelling---no one was hurt, in fact i was like “oh, i’m in accident” after unglue-ing my face from the side window) to getting garam masala in my eye last night whilst cooking chicken (SHIT MY EYE!!! it’s still red.) and finally, waking up today feeling like A FRUSTRATED BITCH!!! I’m sorry if i’m rude/prude/crude/whatever but i feel like rolling on the floor, kicking someone, breaking things, and yelling at someone!!! My first tweet today was “good morning! i need a shrink.” The last time i saw a psychiatrist i was i high school. The conversation went like this:

Me: Miss i feel like beating up **** with my recorder/flute/whatever the bastard thing is.

Miss: But why cuppatea? is it your inability to play said instrument?

Me: Oh no, He just pisses me off! Can i go to Btec class?

Miss: Nooo Btec’s full. Why the feelings of violence?

Me: Because this institution is full of pretence and snooty nosed people! And he thinks he’s all that!

Miss: And that in turn makes you….?

Me: OMG i’m one of them!!! *shocker*

Eventually, i dropped the instrument and got to ace music class by listening to classical music and pointing out what Eras they were composed. and then year 11 happened and i had to drop it. to focus on Math. Because i suck at it. The point is, I woke up feeling like many things today. I know why, but i won’t tell you. Because i can. But if you guessed men, you’re probably right. Idiot creatures! Myself included! Or maybe, i should declare myself and some select others a third species of human! YES!

Lately people HAVE NOT been listening to me! I don’t give bad advice! Heck, i wish i could take my own advice! But,  Ecouter moi maintenant sil vous plait, so that you dont:

  • drunk text me about your boyfriend-i keep reminding myself you have a boyfriend.
  • tell me about your ex whom you still feel for despite him hurting you. self explanatory.
  • go and have your bloody heart broken after NOT listening to me. Girl i warned you.
  • go to war against a transgender when you’re not taking their feelings and their nature into regard (BOY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!) they are real people with real feelings! I cannot for the love of Saint Luke, help you there! you’re on your own.

Those are some of many! If i had hair to pull out, i would! It’s like everyone from parliament to a bloody grocer won’t listen! I must be incoherent i swear. Which sincerely leaves me wondering, did people take pills for foolishness/stupidity/deafness/idiocy/self-irritants? Or then again, it really must be me.

Etcetera. Even the New York times with this article. FOOLS! “Grand Avenue has never really worked as an idea — not only because it was elitist but also because the idea of a singular, dominant cultural hub runs so counter to the city’s nature.” Because if the idea weren’t there you’d be begging for someone to fill that space. Oxen.

 

No one has been spared today. You know what, take me to the chemist and help me pick the best brand for pills that induce idiocy! If you can’t beat them, join them.

 

Funny enough, i was going to just stick this comic strip i came across and leave you with a line that says “uninspired to write today, i feel like a million things negative. Stay-Hurts” but LOOK! I wrote something! YAEY!

P.s, I’m not and will not be sorry. even abit!

Everything’s just wonderful-Lily Allen

Cellular drama!

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So when i was on holiday, there was abit of drama! Yes drama seems to follow me around all over the place. Honestly, it finds me!

I’ve been talking to a new friend i made recently. He’s a nice guy, not my type in terms of physique but a good guy nevertheless. We’ve talked lots! One new years eve, he calls me using his boyfriends phone. I thought that was one of the three numbers he uses. Not  quite… See i’d sent a text telling him to check his inbox for pictures of places i’d been at the coast right, to that number. The next day a call comes from a number i don’t know. Turns out it was that number i’d sent the text to. They wanted to know who i am. After much confusion about who the caller was plus poor reception i simply hung up. Three days later i get a text message asking “is this cuppatea?” Naturally i said yes, It hadn’t clicked that it was that number. I was having a walk on the beach with a girlfriend when another text came in. “I’m *****’s boyfriend. he’s my other half and i have never loved another guy the way i love him” It said.

“girl look at this text!” i tell my girlfriend.

“ooooooooooooooooooooppps!!!” she says.

“Now what the bloody hell do i tell him? i’m not replying this.” i say.

“Ask his boyfriend” she says.

“good idea” i nod in approval.

So i tell his boyfriend, who’s the friend i’ve been talking to. He says his guy is insecure and that i should just reply. So i did. You know what i said in reply to that text message?

“And i respect that. have a fabulous day!”

Simple. No more texts since. I mean really, someone’s gone as far as do checks on me! Am i a threat? I mean no harm, all i did was make a new friend and it’s brought me such unnecessary drama…

Conversation 16-The National

Sea, Sand & Sun!

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“Two weeks away it feels like the world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it to tomorrow till unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To real life where I can't watch sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time…”

How true Dido is. In my case i still have sand in my bags!

Happy new year my dear audience! I’ve returned from a fabulous 10 day holiday at the coast of this wonderful country of mine! I’ve even woken up early to write this just for y’all! clap for me. =)

I didn’t even tell many people that i went until i got there! It was good to just escape from everyone and everything Nairobi-related. Or so i thought… Mombasa at the end of the year is PACKED with people from Nairobi and up-country! Sure, i ran into schoolmates and friends from abroad. That was hilarious actually. I’m minding my own business having a beer at the beach one evening with my aunt and then, a pack of girls sitted behind me call me. Friends from school! But they were cool. My phone wouldn’t stop ringing after that though. There was this big 6am DJ event called Sundance right, and it cost 5000 shillings to enter. It was a new years party that had DJs from all over the world. I would not be attending it, because almost all of party Nairobians would be there and it was PACKED and there’s just no way i’m parting with all that money and it doesn’t even come with a free bloody drink! Besides, i had been tired from a long day and lacked energy to go. So what did i do to bring in the new year? I had a whole litre of Amarula to myself whilst i watched Kings. Cheers 2010, i shan’t miss you. Hi 2011! Be nicer to me yeah?

P1000363While at the coast i went to many MANY places and i still didn’t finish exploring (which gives me more reason to explore more next time hihi). I went to see the old town, where buildings built in the late 1800s still stand. By the by, i went to both the tourist section of old town and the REAL old town, that still has families that have lived there for generations! It was so amazing! Those buildings really have character! My friend was like my tour guide. He lives in Mombasa after he moved there from the capital. So not only did i have fellow gay company but i got to see the real Mombasa and experience the real deal! Like when we checked into an old shop in a building built in 1902. The shop had a cooler fridge of sodas. half a litre cost me just 30 bob! to me that’s a bargain than the ridiculous 150 a certain hotel was charging. I rode the ferries too! THAT, was fun! They cross the channel real quick. Not at all scary. I also went to the Uhuru park of Mombasa called Mama Ngina Drive. People just park cars there, sit, eat, chat, party, bum…. We sat on benches just watching the ocean and talking… it was really wonderful! We even had these arrow root-crisps called Kachiri with this interesting coconut juice, straight from the coconut itself, called Madafu. Very nice! I’ve been eating Swahili-Arab foods like Bhajias lots too… It’s amazing i’m not fat! Yet.

P1000468I also experienced what it’s like to be in an area dominated by Islam culture! DO NOT go shopping on a Friday afternoon! We were looking for hardware for the house in a section of town. When we got there, we were in for a rude shock! Slam slam slam went the shop doors! 4pm = Prayer time. Whoops! The Ismailies though, were open. I notice that life there is very casual compared with Here in Nairobi. I wanted to pull out my hair at one point, the shop attendants were taking their time! Anyway we got what we wanted. I was staying in an upmarket area similar to Runda called Nyali. That means the matatu stages are FAR from the house! Speaking of Matatus, down there they’re abit different with sitting arrangements unlike the ones here. And the most i paid was 30 bob, at peak time. How i laughed… Now, Moving around Nyali requires a motor cycle called a boda boda. I was scared of these things! But it’s the norm there in Mombasa. Besides, lady tourists were riding the damn things so why not me? One word. THRILLING!

P1000321Naturally i went to the beaches. To see the ocean! Honest! =P The beaches are wonderful! White sands all over the place. I took very long walks on several beaches, passing by many hotels and private properties. walking in the water in my shorts was especially fun! The water was fabulously warm. Too much sea weed though. Walking on beaches at low tide is fun, you get to see the reefs! And boy oh boy wasn’t there eye candy!!! One guy was so muscular i’d call his Man boobs B-cups! True story! The beach boys (read male prostitutes) make ALOT of money, they even speak foreign languages. I overheard one speaking Italian. Quite impressive. I really wish i had someone special to walk with on those beaches! Sure i had my a girlfriend from uni walk with me, but it’s not quite the same like having a partner… By the by, I only met 3 gay people there at the coast! Apparently homophobia's rampant there. I didn’t see queens at all!

Naturally, i went to the famed Haller park, a former stone quarry turned into a nature reserve. P1000409There i fed Giraffes (yaey!), got lost in palm tree gardens, saw snakes, chatted with a giant tortoise… It’s a really cool place with a great nature trail! And whilst you’re there you must have some spicy Arab tea! My final two days there saw me have like four cups of those by the sea! It was very classy =)

I came back last night at around 8pm. Thank heavens there were no delays. Arrived in the house at around 9pm. It still looks the same. There’s nothing new! Which is why Didos’ song Sand in my shoes makes so much sense. I’m back to the noise, back to pollution, back to traffic, back to the same faces, back to school, back to books, back to routine, back to fast paced life.

Back to what i know…

 

“I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I shake it all, forget you
Why, why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again..”-------->Sand in my shoes-Dido

 

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