exit a uni, exit a life; ending April

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I held yet another red rose in my hand today. I buried a schoolmate today. As did the rest of of my university. The most original aspect of that burial (or "internment" as Catholics say) is that they played smooth raggae! His playlist. This Guy was quite popular. And so they played his music to honor him. Very classy. Of course there were tears. Even men wept. Its to be expected when a vibrant life leaves our world. Please Buckle up whenever y'all drive or are driven. Life's short!

I've made a decision to opt out of a certain stiff uni. I've not told my father yet. He'll be abit disappointed. But my family seems to support the idea. The course is interfering with my primary degree, which I don't like! And I don't have free time like those in public universities. Unfortunately, some friends will look down on me and say "we told you, you couldn't do it." They will be full of joy when they learn this... At least I tried. In business I learned people take risks. I did! I'm not bothered by the negative image dropping out will have on me socially. No worries though, I'm still in my normal uni. Need to find an entrepreneurship mentor though.

Its going to be a long weekend again. This time ill try to be indoors...even if there's parties and stuff...my wallets anorexic!

Finally, remember to live everyday to the fullest! For real life's short. When its your time to go, it's your time to go. We can never foresee somethings. Rest in peace Fiesta.

|this is how we like to end-Atomic Tom|
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The Easter story

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Stiff drink needed for this post. It might be just raise your eyebrows! Just a bit.

“life’s a right bastard it is! Fucking hell!”

This were the words of some guy in Chinos, Sandals and a sweatshirt. You’d think he’s one of those random tourists who walk at odd hours of the night heading home or something…OH WAIT, that guy’s me! Saturday night at 1am and this chap is walking down from Ngong road rugby pitches to HURLINGHAM! At 1am!!! ALONE! To be explained. So it’s Easter (so late in April? odd) and this year it’s quite different from last year and the year before last! (i was reading my older post, i’ve matured quite abit since then) This year over Easter, i was out!

Easter Friday saw me being utterly random! I was on chat with an artist friend of mine and he’s like “i’m free for an hour, let’s play abit”. Spontaneity being the order of the day, i went to his house! During my “short visit”, i learned that artists REALLY know how to make an “impression”. Just like a red painting, it was violent and rough!! Daaaayum! He’s tall and meaty, and he was a MISTER ENDOWED!! WOOOH!! I STILL have carpet burns on my back and my knees! oh come on, stop being shocked, i was in the mood! At this age i’m allowed! I’ve decided to have fun while i figure out what i really want. Sexual exercise being one of them! Sometimes angels need to get their faces dirty (as sung by the sugar babes) and have a bit of fun!

Then i went for ice cream with my friend, a model. He’s gorgeous! but also shattered inside. I’m like one of his few real friends. We chat about anything really… and i make him feel better. See outside he’s really cold but when you get to know him, like i do, he’s a really nice guy. People just misunderstand him. and vice versa.

This day also saw me go for a friends’ dinner party at an apartment somewhere. Here, he  would be as obnoxious as possible, and he was totally sober (i swear) despite downing a few glasses of gin and juice. So there were all these people and they were so stiff and snooty and segregated themselves into cliques! a number of my friends came over as well (i’ve stopped naming them—it’ll happen once in a while though). So when people had like two drinks and no one was dancing yet, i decided it’s time to loosen them up abit! By GRABBING ASS! YES!! You casually walk by someone and my arm scoops some of that! It’s not sexual harassment when people are giggling “oooooh tihihi you’re naughty!” or “ah aaaah now why have you scooped my bum tihihi *wink*” There were big ones, small ones, tight ones, loose ones, squishy ones, hard ones… I shan’t lie, it was FUN! As a result of my butt grabbing actions, someone wanted a 3 way! So when i eventually go to their home country i’ve got an open invite for one! Anyway it made people loosen up abit more which was good! Beyonce was played and people finally danced! There was a snag, my ride home, WENT HOME! apparently they “weren’t in the mood to drive all the way to my place”. Okay, Emo saves the day because his home passes mine enroute. Life saver much? Yes. Thank you darling. I got home at 3.30am. Because cousin lives so far away i put him up for the night at my place. 4am and i finally slept. What an interesting party that was…

Easter Saturday was so retarded i wish i stayed indoors! I was getting a cell phone upgrade that day. I wanted a blackberry because of it’s physical keyboard and size. You know what i ended up getting? I huawei (wah-way) IDEOS. Or ideot as i call it. Yes yes it’s good phone but EVERYONE has it! I hate conforming to economic theorems of substitute products. It will do though. It’s not a Nexus S but it does the same things. almost. I went back home. In the evening, another friend was invited me over to his place, it was a drink up for four. I’m always dropped home with this guy. Again, they couldn’t. Actually they just went to bed! The other designate (or so i thought) was too drunk to drive. Here’s the thing, i NEEDED to be home, little dog’s ill + i didn’t have permission to sleep out. Kenacto (a taxi company) were being ridiculous with their cab fare. ksh 1800. Imagine that! Matatu then pap! I had to walk from the apartment which abit of a walk from the main road. Alone i’m a very fast walker. I get to the main road. No matatus. It’s best you keep walking! Esp next to the road on a side that has street lights! Street skills i’ve learned. And i walked. and walked. Past Habesha, past yaya centre mall, all the way to Hurlingham at a fuel station next to sailors! That’s 3.3kilometres. Hence my cursing out aloud when i was walking and there’s no PSVs. The ones that were there were either empty (NEVER sit in an empty matatu alone with just the driver and conductor, man or woman, DON’T!) or were passing by even after me flagging them down. Retarded humans! And the conductors were saying ”town?” and they just kept going on even after waving my arms! I got fed up and continued walking.

I decided to take a cab at hurlignham because it’s ALOT cheaper and it was just a short walking distance. BY THE WAY, two cars slowed down as i walked. I CANNOT believe people thought i was a prostitute! I wasn’t dressed scandalously! Or doing suggestive actions. Should i ever need to do that i’ll ask lady Sue for help. For real! Or a pimp friend of mine. (yes people i know i gay pimp). At the fuel station,  I walk to an askari at a cash point. “sema boss, kuna taxi hapa?” (hi boss, are there any taxis here?) i ask. I was still annoyed, and i was cold. He could see that. “wacha niangalie” (let me see) he says. He walks to a cab and wakes up the driver, then he calls me. I ask how much. “ksh600” he says. To be honest, i thought he’d charge like a thousand because of my…look. it was 3 times less than what the cab company i called asked for! “let’s go” i say. You should know that unless otherwise, i will always sit back left in any car. ESP a cab! It was a quiet ride home. I stared out the window thinking “this is the last time this will ever happen”. It most certainly won’t. it was 2am. Check on little dog, she seems alright. She would sleep in the same room with me just in case anything happens. And i slept…

Easter Sunday saw me in the house with family. I relaxed the whole day, just listening to music and watching random things…like some DC movies such as justice league (i love super heroes LOL). i finally slept like at 1am…

..to wake up on Easter Monday to monkeys on my roof with barking dogs. This day would see me go visit “playmate”. It’s not the artist, it’s the big meaty person from a while back! I KNOW!!! I tapped two people this long weekend! It’s some sorta record. i’ve never done this before. I blame the fact the “i don’t know what i want” phase i seem to be going through right now. Plus i downed enough Gilbeys at his place so i’m quite smashed at the mo as i right this…

Ummm yeah i know i’ve been abit loose this past weekend but sometimes you need to go out there and have fun! Plus it shows i’ve got game LOL! I’ve been advised to have (responsible) fun as i think about what i really want not only with men but in life generally.

Que cera cera, that’s the way life is…

|So raise your glass if you’re wrong in all the right ways----->Raise your glass-P!nk|

why why why!

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Today i had the pleasure of meeting a handsome nice guy in uni, we were talking about how the uni has ISO issues because we were both tryna rectify something with our exams. He was behind me in the queue and he was quite impatient and kept talking to himself! “They’re quite slow yes..” i said. And that’s how conversation hit off…

He’s quite macho! He’s stocky, a little taller than me, ALSO a rugby player and talks alot! I know right??? yaey me! Seeing as it was home time, and we were both using the same route, we decided to walk. We talked about lots! And he has these nice eyes and he’s smart! It’s his 2nd degree he’s doing. We have lots in common.

Except he’s straight!!!

He mentioned “his chick” a few times. Plus i could tell. But daaaaaayum what a guy! there’s a song that goes “what a man what a man what a man whatta mighty gooood maaaaan”. how i dislike such things happening to me, it’s not the first time. sigh…

Cuppatea 0---Heterosexuals 1

DAMN!

What the hell!

caffeinated rugby

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It’s so nice to see a developing country like us give help where we can. I was at a Benefit at the village market mall Saturday, raising funds for Japan’s earthquake/tsunami victims. It was…very boring. No one my age around. I too, would like to fork out a couple of thousands for…oh shit was that a lampshade? Damn! Oh shit there goes the coffee table whoooooops! Really i’d just rather sign a cheque for a certain amount than pay 300% more for something i’d get reasonably priced elsewhere..

Instead of alcohol this weekend, i had coffee during the rugby finals. SHOCKING INNIT? One beer was enough i felt. I felt very “35 year old”. Minus a range rover. Coming soon. The last match was quite thrilling… shame about the crowd though, most just came to “be seen” at such an event. They knew nothing about rugby or the teams. Shame.

I realize there’s a lack of proactive men in this society. Oh shit, i’m talking about guys again. Whoops! my bad. Anyway, i get bored of being the one to always initiate something. Get serious men, if you want to date me why not start suggesting things instead of going round in many circles like an aircraft on hold? I think i’m at fault here, i’m quite direct. Speech and all. One of my friends’ friends at the rugby match said “i was making it hard to talk to”. I’m sorry but when you know nothing about rugby and you’re freaking me out with all your weirdness asking shit like “what was your name again?”---in the most action centred part of a rugby match, duuuuh, who wouldn’t be hard to talk to? I think they were relieved when i told them they could leave early if they wanted to. Apparently art cafe is a cooler place to be than an action packed rugby pitch. To them that is.

The art of doing nothing. Trust the Italians to say such about lazying around. Though it does feel good after a frantic week of reading and exams. More exams this week though. But there’s the vagina monologues to look forward to! Oh yes, my family (who’re on my fakebook account) saw my rsvp and they were like “WHAT”. Come ooooon… it’s not damaging…

Now, how to convince machismo gay men that the vagina monologues isn’t scary…wish me luck. All hail the power of the Vagina!

|Feeling show-Colbie Caillat|

He who lives in a glass house…

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Remember the guy in this post? the really nasty one who was disrespectful?

He got beaten down!!! (can’t help my glee in my voice) He had it coming. You see, he went to my friends house and decided, in front of my friend’s boyfriend, and best friend, to insult him AND his house! My friend had enough of his rubbish and beat him down! in fact that awful person had gate crashed his house for lord knows what. The point is, you DO NOT walk into someone’s home and insult their home and the host themselves!!! IT IS WRONG! As in there the line was drawn, i totally support my friend in beating down this other bloke. Because you don’t go to people’s houses and insult the host and the house, that’s just wrong.

He clearly has no ideology on the term RESPECT. Because you can’t treat everyone like they’re below you and like shit. For sure Karma will catch up with you. Like it did with this fellow. As in insulting the host is like insulting Goliath, the host is tall and well muscular! What the fuck was he thinking by insulting that household?? FOOL!

You should really respect other people’s homes, especially when they’re hosting you and guests are involved.

Like they say, “He who lives in a glass house shouldn’t cast stones at another”, i doubt this guy will show his face in society for a while… SHAME ON HIM!

I feel nothing, i was actually pleased when i learned of this news, it’s time shady people were put in their place and learned something…

KAZAKY - LOVE

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Someone said, "hey let's all dance in stilettos and show our chiseled bodies whilst dancing with moves that puts Ciara to shame!" This video = wow.

More past weekend activities

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This weekend, cuppatea:

Waited for traffic to go away

Which resulted in me sitting at a funny pub where a man grabbed a lady’s hair and bar stools fell and bouncers came. All on the next table. My friends and i were like “Oh. drama started early today in members night.” Yes, yes it did. And everything returned to normal! The lady laughed like nothing happened with her girlfriends. Minus a man. Classy.

Went to watch Rugby

With Some friends! It was quite fun! Seeing all these big muscular men in their tight shorts running up and down a field, pulling themselves down and making manly noises. The bankers swept the floor with my club! Ouch. Good game played nevertheless! Impala please improve your defence and coordination. They eye candy was just incredible! I’m definitely going for more rugby matches!

Gate crashed a wedding party

I swear this was my friends fault! He got called to “pass by for a few minutes to say hi”. This was at 11pm. We get there, and before you know it, it’s 2am, you’re mildly tipsy because some bloke insisted that you down tequila before you get your actual drink! So much for not drinking this weekend. After i told chubaka i’d be home by 11pm. OBVIOUSLY that wasn’t going to happen. The bride was very nice though! It was good.

Got bored at a club

I swear the music just didn’t cut it for me. Gypsy please. We like trance that we can dance to, not electro that leaves us saying “really”. Naturally there were “members” everywhere. Still, we danced, we laughed, we smoked shisha. And had a pleasant chat with the bouncer, who seemed to think i was a tourist. Again. See you next year.

Slept for 3 hours

Because getting home at 4am just wasn’t part of the plan lol! I was up at 7am, my dear nephew, commuting monkeys and a barking dog were enough to behave as an alarm clock. for real. Once i wake up in daylight i just can’t sleep. And then i’m so nice, you see how i’m writing for you lot now because i won’t have time in the week because of semester finals so i decided to right it now because it’s the only free time i got amidst all my sleep?

Got torn in chat

Four men, all whom i like/liked decided that today they’re pouring their innermost feelings to me. on fakebook chat. Which has just left me confused. They tell me all this things that make me scratch my head, why didn’t they tell me before? Why did they wait? Why on a Sunday night? I don’t know what i want anymore in guys. And big guy from last week, yes he’s not going to be pursued. He’s made it clear. In the very nicest way. When you think you’ve patched things up with friends and you don’t make contact with them and when you do on chat, it becomes a whole other conversation of you not being the responsive one? what is that? Until i just told them i’m not the best person to be talking to.That’s the best answer i had. Because all these conversations were happening at the same time. I know i’ll be fine, i’ve been through alot worse. If i said “no more guys” you lot would scoff, and i know i’d be lying to myself. I’ll just say “no more guys---this month”.

 

That was my weekend. Semester finals from this week in one place, mock exams and cats (its that notorious institution) in another. And then there’s rugby finals soon! That definitely looks like fun. For now, i wanna get lost in my duvets. And dream funny things that’’ll make me giggle in my sleep! It would be nice if it rained. With the dramedies of thunder and lightening and blackouts. Because i miss all that.

|something so right-Annie Lennox|

What religion? Me vs Society

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I’ve had “one of those weeks” that leave you exhausted and feeling abit under the weather.

Sometime this week, i agreed to let a classmate take me for lunch. Rice and Beans. It’s a very yummy meal! And he’s like totally good looking! I knew he had motives because he’s overly friendly, speaks to me in pure French (which surprises me) and winks. To any gay man you’d think it was mild flirtations. So we went and had lunch. And then he asks, “what religion are you?”. Naturally i say “Agnostic, though i know there’s God.”

What a mistake.

I think he’s ex seminarian! Because i was fed religion down my throat, from terms like “you’re sitting on the fence and about to fall unto the devil” to “the sweet path of the devil is wide but when you take a corner he’ll knock you out” etcetera. He insisted that i must join a Church because i can’t love God and not go to church. “you must go to church to learn the ways of God, order, rules etc”. he said.

I don’t go to church because i feel the messages they preach are conflicting/political/sometimes full of bull. And other reasons. I pray and believe in God, surely isn’t that enough? Did i mention how he hated on gays? i really tried to tell him that it’s a natural, people are born gay but don’t realize until later because of aspects they’ve grown around and societal factors until a situation kicks reality in them. Oh how he spoke…I went to class feeling lowly. I wouldn’t show it outside, was smiling telling him “it was a good lunch and i’d consider what he said.” I was just so depressed it’s a wonder i couldn’t calculate properly in class. I know i shouldn’t feel that way, but that lunch was a cruel reminder that not everyone is happy with different people.

It got worse in another class yesterday.

We ended up talking about courtship. How men and women date and how it’s a must that guys find women and vice versa. I kept being given looks by the ladies in class, they’d look at me and giggle. You see, i behave the same in all scenes. They know i’m gay. They won’t tell me that they know but i know they do.So they were wondering how i can court. date. whatever really. “how can western countries advocate for same sex marriages and they want us to get rid of polygamy?” my lecturer said. “same sex marriage is inhuman!” he went on to say.

There would be no point in raising my hand trying to explain abcd about same sex marriages. He is a staunch Catholic. I left that class feeling utterly defeated.

I can never “wish” to be heterosexual, but i swear there’s days where you just feel so singled out you actually feel like you’re alone in society. I won’t lie, even in a society that has many gay people you actually end up feeling that way.

No matter how many times you ask me what religion i am, i will always tell you “agnostic”. Why?

Because i believe organized religion is an opium for society. I don’t need to go and sit down in a church to be told how to live my life and what societal norms to abide to, nor do i need to sit down and here biased political views and over commercialization of projects that require ludicrous amounts of tithe, NOR will i sit down and be discriminated against based on my behaviour!!! I know churches like Mavuno (esp with this blog post) are welcoming gays into their fold, but i still feel strongly otherwise on many aspects. With Catholicism, the mere fact that i can’t ask “why” seriously bothers me. “you’re not supposed to question”.

Call me lunatic/clouded/misjudged/non-conforming/whatever but this is where i stand on religion. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, as long as we all pray to one universal God. Even if you don’t have a religion.

I could go on and on and on about this issue but i’ll just leave it there.

The worst pick up line yet

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"i like your dental formula."


that was random dudes pick up line on fakebook chat the other day. He was refering to my smile. The first time you speak to me and that's what you come up with? I'm not being mean, but REALLY?!

Please excuse me while i go laugh some more. LMFAO!!!

Points noted from a manic weekend

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I can write today, i’m less fatigued! I just had a wonderful hot bath and the air outside’s cool. Cold nights like these i like… I had quite a manic weekend! If life had a rewind button i’d happily go back in time! But time waits for no one, we must progress. I realized a few things between Friday evening and Monday night, tonight:

  • Concerts are fun when you’re at the front most row. Just a Band.ke were that good! Infact so good were their remixes, a cd is being made! Timing it.
  • Cocktails are the devils in disguise! I’m responsible for a whole vodka gone down. Really, robinsons juice is SO GOOD!
  • Herbs don’t help either.
  • When blacking out at a friends house, insist on a bed. Make sure you remove shoes!
  • that was not my bed i woke up in.
  • Suicidal cocktails and herbs will keep you smashed for a while, even when you wake up the next day. 2 litres of coffee had to sober me up.
  • Uniboy m could join the Russian ballet. When intoxicated he can sing and jump around as elegantly as those performing swan lake. For real. Me? i laugh my arse off!
  • I’m very easily drawn to big muscular men. Or men with nice bodies. Or just men who’re nice really.
  • My theory on going to a guys home on some sort of date then you find yourselves in compromising positions is very VERY true. No really.
  • I did quite like being lost in his embrace though. And my boxers weren’t thrown too far away this time! Shy people are usually very sneaky and good in bed.
  • oh no, i have feelings. For someone who probably doesn’t feel the same way! This is why friends with benefits never works for me, i hate not knowing what direction i’m going.I don’t wanna turn into the clingy person!
  • Shakira’s antes de las seis song is so true. so true. I made the mistake of translating it. Played it like 19 times so far.
  • I am a complicated soul. That i admit.

Among other things.

Antes de las seis-Shakira

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