Talking To Homosexuals Doesn't Make You One

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This is an open letter, particularly aimed at straight/heterosexual men.

It comes to my attention that you ignore gay guys like me, especially on mass media/forums or even in plain public, be it in front of your friends or individually.
It's a well known fact I'm gay. Deal with it. I'm here and God willing I'm not about to leave.

When I address you directly, I get silence from you, even when it's something as simple as a greeting or a question to clarify some matter. What warrants this childish behaviour? I don't possess magical powers that makes one be a homosexual, nor do I carry a staff and aim it at you reciting some words to do the same, just so that we can be at the same speech level.

Talking to lesbians is apparently not a problem for you, however when it comes to speaking to gay men, most of you seem to freeze up, much like a cat getting hold of your tongue or crotch. Sure, some of us may be girly or quick with speech. It's called Mannerisms. That comes naturally for some.

If you're afraid of being seen talking to a gay person, because of what others think of you, then dear sir, you are being utterly foolish. Why? Simple. Gay men are humans too. Therefore, it's only human to interact with others. Obviously we can see you're ignoring us, we can't assume you're bad with communication. We're not daft you know.

Therefore, It's prudent that you change this outlandish, primitive behaviour, because not only are you retarding yourself and society, but you're genuinely missing out on good conversation. I have many a straight friend with gay friends. And guess what? He talks to them and he did NOT end up being gay as a result!

So the next time you see me in person or hear from me on social media, try not to ignore me. There is no shame in talking to a gay man.


|Bittersweet Symphony-The Verve|

Bridges

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It's been a week of resolving things.

Let's start with that peer counselling thing, i finished it with flying colours! I'm waiting to graduate it very soon. It feels good to achieve a goal. It's going to help me do some sort of good with people who have issues, as well as understanding individuals who'll cross my path better.

I finally had my appointment with the dean. I walked in quite nervously, but that went when he smiled. He's a very nice professor. Told him exactly what that woman does in class, how she teaches and what her general attitude is like. He wasn't amused. "I have many CVs of equally or better qualified lecturers who'd gladly take up her position", he said. I didn't mention my own personal issues with her. There's no need.
I may have cost a lecturer their job, but believe me, It's not for my own good, but that of the institution. It's wrong for an institute to have a negative image because of some foolish employees here and there. That woman will go down faster than a shot and blazed Messerschmidt in WW2!

Mending burnt bridges, I made peace with those i was either annoyed or disappointed in. It involved lots of gin. I'm glad I've done it. There's an inner sense of calm when you forgive. Besides, in Buddhist belief it's not good to have a grudge against someone. Forgive and let live. Simple. It comes from within anyway.

I read this essay today, I encourage you to do so as well, because what the author went through is very similar to what others experienced both at school and home. Even if you're heterosexual, it gives insight as to what life is for a young gay child in a harsh environment.

Meanwhile, the year looks promising in terms of music, i absolutely love Madonna's new album MDNA. It's very nice. I've discovered an emerging artist named Aura Dione, and it seems that I've done that thing of listening to one song about 10 times in a row! She has a track called friends that struck a chord within me. I just can't stop playing it... I'll stop here and let you have a listen.
|Friends-Aura Dione with Rock Mafia|

Coffee Thought

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"Those that wear long sleeved shirts, especially white ones, would know that the ends of the sleeves around the wrist tend to get quite dirty.
The same is true, when one wears their heart on their sleeve."---Cuppatea
This is the private thought that crossed my mind, when i was having coffee with friends today.

|U Want Me 2- Sarah McLachlan|

Briefly

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  • My cyclical life got lively this past week.
  • I raised alarm when i wrote about a nasty lecturer in an assessment question based on service delivery. Examining lecturer raised the issue. I now have an appointment with the faculty dean. I hope I'm not in trouble... 
  • Stella Artois are the most deceiving beers around. Period. Stella made me get smashed 4 hours later after a few of her bottles. The result? I can't remember much.
  • I was scared of being the only gay guy at a girlfriend's party. Silly of me to think that way, it was FUN! My bones still ache as a result of my two left feet dancing.
  • St.Patrick's day involved a few glasses of GnT. And lovely company with lovely music and a handsome in a subtle way, bartender. 
  • I pity the drunk Irishwoman who was dancing vigorously and drinking in the same fashion, her hangover this morning must have been epic.
  • I cooked for my mother today. It's mother's day. 
  • Was booty-called last night. I didn't oblige. Another day does not necessarily mean soon. It could mean next year. Or when I'm 35 and Single and they're 45.
  • I've found love for sim city 3000. It's very distracting. I build successful cities with the time i used to use to chat up guys. Sooo much more productive.
  • Speaking of love i just remembered Rihanna's we found love played and may or may not have danced scandalously to it.
  • Those dreams have stopped. I dream "normally" now. E.g. had one of being in a spa being massaged by a Dutch lady. I instead, woke up to find little dog walking on me. At 2am.
  • And that's it.

|Got to love ya-Sean Paul|

Needed Closure

"I need to write about it to get closure."

That was the thought that was running in my mind all day. I've been utterly bratty today and I finally found out why. No It's not some hapless bitch of a lecturer, who by they way lied to me on the phone (how unethical), neither is it the massive workload i have. I figured out that the reason I've had attitude the past day or two, is because i miss my late cousin. So before I begin, I'm sorry to the people I was a bit, you know, mean or moody or irritated with. Sorry.

It wasn't the phone call i got the day she died, nor it wasn't the messages of condolences, and neither was it my relatives state of not being able to do anything. No...

I think it was the expression of the Dachshund's face when he was released, that it hit me properly that my cousin had truly passed away, even though she was in the casket less than 3 feet away from me. 
The dog hadn't seen her since she left the house. So when he was released, he was all over the place, then he went and smelt the area around the casket and started whining frantically, looking in all directions, and ran to my aunt and jumped on her lap. Still whimpering. He was shocked and confused. See, dogs have a very sharp sense of smell. When he smelt the embalming chemicals over her natural scent, he went frantic. No one could take him away from my aunty's lap. He'd growl. Eventually he lay on the floor next to the casket, whining softly. Mourning. The ayah carefully took him away to his room. 
I felt my heart break at that point in time. 

The weekend was one of the longest in my life. I somehow ended spending 8 hours at the airport waiting for my flight because i was pushed from morning to afternoon flight (some clerical error--the rat bastard!). I even slept in a car because apparently everywhere was fully booked, as were my relatives homes. Fortunately i didn't experience this alone. I had another cousin with me. 


I should mention how i had to walk her friends to view her.  That was interesting. Her father's culture has it that their dead lay overnight at the home. Her friends came to see her in numbers. I should point out Large men wanted me to hold their hand and walk them to her, so that they could tell her goodbye. Or things they never got to say when she was alive. Even some ladies. At one point i had to counsel a guy who had issues of acceptance and closure. That took ages but i was successful in getting him to tell her bye.
After they all left and there was no one around the casket, i stood there with my whiskey and coke and stared at her. She had a small smile on her face. Peace. "Do you see how I've had to bring your mates to see you? You're probably LOLing at them"  i said to her. "I'm just glad you're at rest now, and you look as fabulous as ever sweety. I'm going to miss you so much. And that loud laugh! I won't see you tomorrow because everyone in the village will be all over you as usual. 
So my dear, I'll see you when you see me..."
Short and brief. I smiled and went around being everyone's bar tender. It was good to keep busy, was getting tired of sitting. Up and down the house I ran serving and getting people their drinks. 

It was only when i slept that i rested (a little). I don't think i need to write about the funeral though, it was over by late afternoon. There's always this sense of resignation when you see the casket going down though. 

I learned from this experience that life is indeed short. I keep loosing friends and loved ones and it's never really easy to get over such experiences. What i also learned that I'm getting stronger, I didn't shed a tear at all during this time. 
The most I can do i appreciate the life i have, family and friends. By the way my friends should know I'm alright 

 I'll miss her though. 

|Imaginatio-Amethystium|




On Quitting Drinks For a Guy?

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The questions I’m asked sometimes are difficult ones, like this one:
If you were in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t drink alcohol and they asked you to stop drinking for them, would you do that?
At risk of looking like an alcoholic, i'll answer such a question, but only because somewhere out there, a person can relate. So, Um, unless he were a really good man, and had the trust and belief that i would be able to quit for them, then perhaps I’d be able to quit alcohol altogether.

But think about this, there’s the circle of friends i have that derive pleasure from derailing me into random nights out with them, there’s the cravings i get for gin and tonics/krest or beer, or for the days that are just downright bad and you need to ease off and find yourself with an innocent bottle of beer.


How on earth would i cope? It would start innocently and end in disaster as demonstrated by the following scenes:

If we were both at a party we’d just be sat there listening to people getting tipsy, high, drunk and then downright shitfaced. And we’d still be sat there as sober as a judge. Yaaaawn.
If we both had a stressful day, he’d be in his house watching telly, i’d probably be in the house with a coke and rum.
If we were both happy, there’d probably be sex, but not a very exciting session. (drunken sex is fun! Use contraception please.)
If we were at a classy dinner, he’d have a still glass of water, and mine sparkling. When he’s not looking, I’d tell the waiter to swap my glass for a gin and tonic. They look similar. And then he’d wonder why i got livelier.
If we were at a picnic, they’d be juice, water, and sandwiches. And a flask of vodka tucked away in my bag to make a screw driver.
If my friends derailed me and he wasn’t in my presence, then we go to a bar and by some random coincidence he appears with his colleagues there and finds me drinking, hunnay there’s gonna be trouble right there, because there’s nowhere to hide and a answers  like “I’m not high, i’m cup-a-tea!” to question of “are you high?” would emerge! These and many more scenarios!


However if i were truly, madly and deeply in love with the guy, then maaaaaybe, after much convincing and coaxing (with a few credible threats perhaps?) I’d stop drinking.
But until that day arrives…

|Take Me High-George Acosta|

Suddenly March

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There’s a tall glass of C&R (coke and rum) in front of me. It’s the third one tonight. One of my friends always tells me “you look like I need a drink.” I laugh whenever that statement appears…



It’s been a very chaotic week on my part. A bit cyclical and random at the same time. Cyclical meaning it became so routine that i wrote February 30th the next day. Only two months into the year and i feel it’s a drag.
The week was most routine until Thursday evening. I had a friendly date with a friend, who somehow convinced me to accompany him to his friends place, who somehow convinced me into going for a karaoke night with them. It was lots of fun, i danced quite a bit. Needless to say, i got home at a very ungodly hour.



I was having coffee with a friend Friday, when my mother called with bad news, she said my cousin passed away. The thing is, i was just a bit shocked. It didn’t hit me as hard as I’d thought it would. I’m just relieved that she’s no longer in pain. But i will miss her a great deal. All this means I’ve got a hectic week ahead, i have to travel because we’re burying her in her father’s home. Anyway, God rest her beautiful soul in peace. She was so loud! Cancer’s a horrid illness i tell you. Bloody horrible. Personally, I’m tired of loosing friends and loved ones.
But it all makes me appreciate life even more. The party we’re throwing in her honour will be quite a hoot…




And that’s about it. Other actions from the week include buying cashewnuts and standing 20 minutes at an “express” counter to pay for them, and laughing out loud ridiculously in a matatu when some lass said “he sounds so stupid on the phone, but when you see him in reality you get shocked.” I don’t know why it was so funny then, i think it’s the way she put it. Poor bloke.



I wonder why i laugh at silly things nowadays.



|Everything-Safri duo| |Awinja-Sauti Sol|

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