Ending October: Start From Somewhere

"Start from somewhere". 

Those three words are the reply to the question "Where do I begin".  Last week wasn't very exciting. The main highlight was attending the Just-a-Band "sorry for the delay" album launch on Saturday night. Dancing in the rain was absolutely fantastic! I also made a new friend, she knew I was gay and I knew she was lesbian. Very interesting soul.

Before that I was at a close friend's place. I missed attending octoberfest (some beer drinking festival) because I found the afternoon to be wonderful. Lunch and the company of good friends trumps attending social events my own. I had bought the ticket a month before but you know what, missing it was the best decision I made over the weekend.

Before that I was at a club dancing my ass off. I let myself get derailed this time. Didn't hit on anyone, nor did anyone hit on me. When I said "I'm not a party animal" a friend was eager to remind me that I'd partying the whole month, followed by that YOLO slogan.

Before that I was on a date. It was the 2nd date with that individual, and we were discussing men. I like the fellow, but he's still hangup on his ex. I'm worried. Competing with people's old flames has never ended well on my part. One more date then, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

Before that, I was in a shower of , yes, someone else house, telling myself that I was silly for getting myself into bed with them again. No more, I literally fled that apartment, telling my friends that awkward moment when the top thought the sex was great. I have seriously considered ditching bottom exclusivity and turning top. I've had enough.

Before that,I think I was writing the previous post.

It's the 2nd last day of October.

So far I've received quite a number of emails turning my job application down. Nice, automated things. Especially the ones from banks. "We wish you success with your future." At this rate I may have to start thinking entrepreneurship... But of course as with everything else, it's got it's headaches, finding what works and what doesn't, funding, business plans...It needs plenty of thought and barrels of courage.

|Matatizo-Just-a-band|

Last Week Was Fun

Last week was made of these: 

Watched a film on Monday: A documentary about Zimbabwe's various crises. It made me think, despite all the issues Kenya has, others have it worse, a lot worse. Also, Attending a film festival high on a Monday suggests rebellion.

Had lunch with a friend Wednesday: I needed to talk to someone, I had a slight panic Wednesday morning about this whole jobless thing. "find your passion", my friend said. I'm trying to, but what is it? Sitting at artcaffe discussing that issue among others made me realize that people, all the way from those selling hardware in Gikomba, to the bus conductor, to the guy that roasts mahindi choma (roast maize) to a marketing director to a bank teller (righty then, you get my drift) all have jobs. Appreciate them. The salads at the restaurant are amazing. And they've got their own magazine too.

Played Charades on Friday: Such a fun game, where have I been? My evening date on Friday got cancelled, so I went to my friend's place early. The traffic was something else, and the silly bus decided to use Kileleshwa. I power walked to my friends place. Charades was absolutely fun! I do enjoy a good glass of wine with good food with good company. Simple things like these make me happy. Inebriated, we went dancing, and danced ourselves silly until it late. 5am late.

Went to a listening concert Saturday: With a friend who was visiting! That morning I was so hangovered. I'd slept for four hours and I had another day full of activity. I met him, we sat and had a long chat, then we went to chill out at a friends place. The listening party was rather nice, lots of balloons. Just-a-band are about to release their third album called "sorry for the delay" which sounds absolutely interesting! We left the listening party and went to do a very uncouth thing: gate crash someone's birthday. This was fun, we were the life of that little get together. Afterwards, we went out dancing. Again. This was fun. Sat with a girlfriend doing sheesha, friends grinding on each other silly, good music... It was nice. I got home early. Yes, 3am is early for me.

Slept on Sunday: Because my body, and wallet said otherwise. My brother was home for the weekend and I wanted to catch up with him...I ended up having such a good afternoon nap I decided to write about it. I fell asleep to Enya. Even after dinner I just went back into bed and slept.

This week doesn't have much, just a friend's exhibition launch, octoberfest (lots of beer), and the just-a-band album launch. Lets see how this goes.

|Just A feeling-Maroon  5|

Composure + Weekend

I was rather distraught Friday morning, though I still kept a level head.

I was panicking/scared/annoyed inside but I've kept rather calm since that discussion I had with mother Friday morning. One of my mates was telling me that they'd have thrown tantrums and had outbursts. I'll keep to myself.

What was my weekend like?

I went to uni to pick up my degree certificate Friday. It's folder looks like the local police colours. Not complaining though. I met up with a girlfriend and we went to have lunch with my sister.
She told me to keep calm, and that I should ignore my mother's opinion. Lunch was delicious. Especially the salad. I've found a greater liking to salads lately... After that girlfriend and I went to have a beer and sheesha. The lounge we were headed to wasn't populated at that time. It was perfect, we had it all to ourselves and we had a right good bitching session!
I was meant to go for a trip with friends, however a surprise cost came up, and I had to pay for it with, yup, you guessed it, the trip money. It's worth it though. It's a tablet. Anyway, no trip for me, drama with mama, and just the angry, irate feeling at the world warranted that beer and sheesha session. It was awesome!

Since I wasn't going for any trip, my whole Saturday opened up. I spent the day with friends, and that means alcohol! Coke and whiskey work very well. And a good film. And vodka. My doctor won't be too happy. We (my friends and I) went for a party Saturday night. A birthday party. It was alright I guess, but some rude bloke who has similar behaviour to that of a hooligan, grabbed my arm so painfully that it still hurts 'till now. He was pulling me close to him to talk to him. I didn't bitch, just shook him off and made a mental note to never ever be near him. He didn't even apologize. That, was my cue to leave. Also, water diet this week.

Sunday, I've been indoors, in my room. Didn't feel like going anywhere, besides the rains are here, I had a mild hangover and I was way too comfy in my jammies to leave home. Not talking to mother much. I speak when spoken to. I'm still upset with her.

A new week is here, and I've nothing planned. What happens next I've no idea but my life's at a very strange place at the moment.

|It Will Rain-Bruno Mars|

Irony Is This

What started as a morning to chat with mother ended sourly.

I woke up to talk to her because she came home late yesterday. It was to be about a conflicting calendar, a relative is coming over for the weekend.
 The conversation we had somehow took the strangest trajectory: the topic of my friends and I.

Basically she doesn't like my friends, despite me having them over for my graduation lunch/dinner. I told her I've know some of them for many years but still she was adamant about not liking my friends. She's says they're not good for me and that I "will change" if I have any respect for her. I asked why after all these years, she's picked now to talk about it, and that twice I've told her that I'm gay.

Her reason? She didn't want my academic performance to falter. She went on to say how my friends embarrased her and how once more, they're not good for me. "Excuse me, is this you or me we're talking about?" I thought to myself.

The fact that she's said  that "I will change" is what's freaking me out the most! I was going to start my argument but since she had to leave for work, the discussion is to be continued later. Not anywhere in the near future but it will be discussed.


I'm not sure how I'll go about this situation. There's a storm brewing and it's not outside. It's ironic really, I talked about the issues accepting one self as gay and the challenges associated with it,  and then here I am, with family issues. Fucking great.

I'm smiling outside but inside I feel horrid. My friend in Canada had a similar situation, but hers was worse. She was told to never return to the family home. Banished. The tone in which mother spoke was a very dire one.

I am scared.

|Divano-Era|

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Not much going on with me, here's a brief:

• It's going to be difficult not opening that merlot I got over the weekend. I want to open it when I'm 30. It'll taste even better! Worried that it's not the corked type though. That Martini on the other hand...
• I finished my temporary job two days early! Back to Job hunting. Father said patience is important. What is this patience he speaks of?
• The rains have started, and I've no umbrella. The garden should grow again after the gardener mutilated it. It was fine before but he and mother decided they need to "regrow" it. Damn...
• I'm about to finish Binyavanga's book! It's wonderful and I recommend it to anyone who likes reading.

Life After Graduation

I graduated from university!

Friday was very chaotic, but Mother dearest and I went to campus, to sit in the hot sun, to hear my name being called out and being given the power to read.
It was a cold morning, thought we were being smart by leaving home early to get to campus early so that I could find my seat but lo and behold! Families from upcountry seem to have slept overnight. There were school buses and matatus everywhere. There were long lines of parents and graduands waiting for security screening. It was quite cold as well, but the sun would come out later.

I found my seat. But my mum found none. I did the next best thing and sourced her a seat. It meant walking into the lecturers tent and walking out with one. It's as simple as that. Life's a bit easy when you know nuns.

A few hours of reading Binyavanga's book, Our faculty was called out. We didn't stand. Names, names and more names. Then my name was called. I smiled a little and told my classmate "see you around" and I left to find my mother. The ceremony was about to end and we wanted to leave before traffic built up.

We got home in a clean 20 minutes and the afternoon went on as dreamily as...dreams. We were preparing for a family luncheon that would be held the next day...

...Only to be told my uncles won't make it for some obscure reason or another. Not amused. I did however, invite all my closest gay friends. And some classmates. The luncheon turned into a party. My gay friends met mother. She seemed happy. My friends seemed happy. I was just all over the place, sober as a judge mind you, that evening! Moving from table to table... There was quite a bit of alcohol that was all consumed. I know I had three glasses of alcohol, wine, a grouse and a quad shot Jameson. Still relatively sober after that. I blame moving up and down for my sobriety! And not drinking enough. I did however, stash a Martini and a Merlot. There's a grouse somewhere as well. All those for much later. I'll forget I have them. That's the goal.
My friends didn't even need to hide their sexualities. Everyone was themselves and genuine. And I'm glad! There was no misbehaving, no insults, nothing. The mood was a generally happy one! I'm happy with the way the luncheon/party turned out.
The event ended at midnight. I was dog tired so I didn't go out. I don't even recall the last few minutes before getting into bed. But the sleep was amazing.

Today is Sunday, cleaning up after the party was quite epic. You couldn't tell there was one that took place.
I feel more or less the same, I expect life to tone down a bit.
I have a temporary job this week, which I hope with all my fingers crossed turns into a permanent one. Rumors of the family business wanting me are getting louder. I will only go as a last resort. I pride on myself not needing anyone's help so far in Job hunting. I realized that independence is something I truly value.

So, all these years later, I'm done with university. I'm looking at different institutions for my masters, but that will wait a while until I'm certain that I'll be anchored in a job somewhere. All educational decisions will be made afterwards.

Now I need to mold my career. Lord knows what's in store for me... I guess the classroom will be replaced with the workplace. I pray to be just as good and competitive.

And yes, I'm proud of myself! :-)

On to better things.

And we drove all night with all we got We have everything we own in a cardboard box------------------------------>Glowing-The Script

Drinking.

September's gone! Hello October!

My silence can be explained by having lack of content or just being busy. Both?

My friend was admitted to hospital, I visited her everyday of the week. I know hospitals can be such daunting places to be especially when one is the patient. Overcoming my silly fear of hospitals just by going to visit her. She's very strong!

I have been drinking, no surprises there. For three days straight. Maybe four? From Friday to this Monday afternoon. Friday was happy hour with friends, Saturday was drinks at a friends place followed by a birthday party elsewhere that was truly epic... I met the nice man I kissed at the club a few weeks back, he said I ought to continue communicating with him because he's busy, but he'll make time to reply. Also, he said I stop creating realities in my head! Wise words. Somewhere in the night I slept for only four hours, I had to wake up early on Sunday.

Sunday saw cars, cars and more cars! Got massively plastered that day, in the morning I made a few screwdrivers to counter the hangover from the previous night's exploits.We then went for the concours d'elegance and after we were done, returned to the house to continue drinking. We demolished two Gordons Gins. :-)

This made a fine way of compensating for the silly day that my birthday falls on! The hangover I had this morning was rather mild... Tip: Drink water before you sleep no matter how drunk you are. It helps.

Today I went to get my graduation gown. I'm quite happy yes, but the gown makes me look like a bloated goose! It's large. They didn't have any in my size. I went on with a girlfriend to a sheesha bar. Drinking on a Monday afternoon is so wrong but so right! I got home early in the evening and napped.

Now I'm writing this post just for you nice people. I'm getting old, 23 is not a joke. No one sings songs about being 23 anyway! I have no idea what I'll get up to, but most certainly I shan't be in the house watching Bridget Jones Diary.

Ta!

|Best In Me- Scissor Sisters|