I Came Out Again

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Travelling across the country on Easter Sunday, I was in so much thought whilst sat in the car.

I had come out (in a most drunk fashion) to members of my family (including the groom's side) after consuming a bottle of Jameson with my cousins at the after party of the wedding. I walked into a silent room full of people being recorded individually when I said "HAAAAAAAAAAAAY" very loudly. Oh dear.

And then the camera turned to me. It's going to be SO amusing to see this video. Or maybe their conservative selves edited me out.

My brother hadn't said anything the following day. It's like nothing happened. Hence sitting in the car thinking "ooooo he must be upset".

The following afternoon, he tells me that it's okay, and that I should have told him sooner. It's like a great big weight had been lifted off my chest! I was so surprised all I could say was "Well, I'm telling you now..." Shortly after, the conversation the turned into other regular topics of interest. Life moved on just like that. I'm still feeling quite amused about the whole thing.

A day before (during the wedding), the reverend mentioned something interesting. "Now that they are married, all interested parties who still want the groom or the bride for themselves, should now henceforth, leave them alone!" , which got me thinking about my recent encounter with the unavailable person. It's just that. An encounter. There's no way I could even try to get in the way of couple that has gone through similar rites of proposals, weddings, receptions and anniversaries. Heterosexual or not, no one should interfere with that, no matter how gloomy things are on the married person's part, no matter how much chemistry there exists, just let them be until they free themselves from that situation by choice.

So I let go of him emotionally at that point, whilst looking at mount Kenya being shrouded by clouds.

Such is life anyway.

|Self Control - Scissor Sisters|




Easter: Wedding edition

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The history of my Easter breaks have been largely the same year in, year out. It will at some point involve alcohol, and me wrapped up in a duvet watching films or whatever.

This year looks a bit different though! I am going for my cousin's wedding, and it is an out of town affair. You know you are old when you start attending your first cousins' weddings. 

I've had difficulties finding my dog a kennel or a friend with a compound/garden space to take care of her. I have decided that I will bath her, tie a ribbon and put her in a tote bag, and be equally bourgey at that wedding by taking her with me! I doubt this classifies as "stealing away the bride's thunder". 
Photo credit: Kibuasworld.com

Personally, I will wear an ankara vintage bow tie, with a white shirt and skinny black pants! I have no idea what to wear for the evening. Perhaps change blazers or something.

And let there be copious amounts of alcohol, so that I can black out early and travel back the next day! I don't mind being "that guy" this time round; Much as family sticks together, they still drive me up the wall! I'd rather black out early and be filled in later.

Now, because we've aged and there's a fresh cache of twinks in the society, I do not see myself being booty called. I honestly haven't the psyche for getting laid. The one person I did want to get into bed with, is not available. Ever! 

I shall now go pick a cheap bottle (AKA sub Ksh1000 wines) of wine to indulge in this evening. Chilean brand Gato Negro's merlot are a favourite.

|Brightest Morning Star - Britney Spears| 

Presence In A Moment

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To be present in a moment, means that you are acutely aware of what's going on around you in that very second of time.

I was then very present in the moment where a certain gentleman said "I'm sorry but I have to do this", leaned in and kissed me.

I was not only intoxicated with alcohol, but intoxicated with him.

But wait, there's a catch! 

He and I can never get together, because he belongs with someone else. 

Whoops!

|A World Alone - Lorde| 

Rampant Homosexual Returns After Brief Hiatus

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"I am a sinner who's probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me, Lord forgive me things I don't understand
Sometimes I need to be alone"


This rampant homosexual has returned, after genuinely deleting his blog, only to bring it back to life with more nonsense in his literature!

No, I haven't had anything to drink (An Irish coffee doesn't count as a drink, it is coffee with cream that just happens to have traces of alcohol in it), nor have I retrieved my emergency stash of grass. In fact, there's a cigar sized one, wrapped in ziplock, with the grass sourced from highlands somewhere (it is deliciously green) which I reserve for a very special day, for when shit hits the fan. Yes lord, that day will surely come.

I just undeleted the blog, because I can't keep my erratic (and erotic) emotions to myself! There was no fanfare in undeleting it, nor was there a gun pointed to my head. Straight men who read gay blogs rejoice! And everyone else who enjoys psycho-analysing my literature.
I could have started a new one, but I felt lazy. And I'm so used to this platform, the very thought of using a site such as Wordpress, upset me.

What was life like after deleting this blog? Well, I felt free! I could attempt to go on dates without guys saying "Don't write about this" or being interrogated about experiences I have written about. I didn't have to worry about any expectation that they had to meet because they read this.

I felt rather pedestrian as a result. Which I am by the way. Walking is healthy, but walking long distances in a cold morning because public transport got paralysed, is irritating.

At the expense of quite possibly remaining single and unloved (there I go again), I have decided to go back to writing. I experience a little guilty pleasure in doing this. Now you know.

In my absence from writing silly things, not much has happened. The one crucial thing university fails to teach is the everyday monotony that is life. You wake up, go to work, work, interact, eat, end work, go home. Right bastards they were, for hiding such a fact.
It is very easy to get lost in such a life.

Even when your as exotic as a gay guy.

There is well documented talk of an anti-homosexuality bill that some members (LOL) of parliament wanted to introduce, and failing at it. Our dear neighbours (Uganda) have had their aid frozen/diverted/withheld as a result of their own doing/jail the gays bill, our parliamentarians decided they did not want a similar result here. They have hearts!
No, no they don't. If there was such a bill here, and aid frozen/cut/diverted/etc, the obvious way to save funds would be to cut civil servant salaries, including their own. We can proudly say that our members of parliament are amongst, if not the highest, paid in the world. They wouldn't want to loose the prestige of saying that isn't it? Yeah so that happened.

"Look inside of my soul and you can find gold and maybe get rich
Look inside of your soul and you can find out it never exist"


So this date I went on a couple of weeks back, I did a bad thing where I abandoned the date after a straight friend, who was sat alone. I ended up having more laughs with him, that I did with that date. The date was a slim guy who's still in university. Right, being a cougar is difficult, and I can now be called an ass, and I won't feel jack shit about it.
And then there was this other one that involved swimming and very boring sex. This year my sex drive has gotten off to a very slow start. He had a nice dick, but that was it. I'm getting old, and there are new twinks on the scene. It is quite hilarious that men still have some sort of interest in me.

Perhaps then, all I'm known for is sex. And alcohol. What year is it, 1981?

"Bitch don't kill my vibe, bitch don't kill my vibe
Bitch don't kill my vibe, bitch don't kill my vibe"



"I'm trying to keep it alive and not compromise the feeling we love
You're trying to keep it deprived and only co-sign what radio does
And I'm looking right past you
We live in a world, we live in a world on two different axles
You live in a world, you living behind the mirror
I know what you scared of, the feeling of feeling emotions inferior"
 ---------->
Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe - Kendrick Lamar

How I ask men out

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I am drinking wine. It's a cheap table wine from South Africa, a rose. Rose is very sweet, it tastes like juice, except it's one that can put you to sleep after double digit number of glasses.

I have been encouraged by a girlfriend (and a few of my very raging homosexual friends) to call someone I met, and like. I was initially skeptical, because I'm just very indifferent about dating right now. This is how I call a guy on a Sunday evening. It is similar to cooking turkey, or making a sale.

  1. I drink wine. 
  2. I think of what to say before I call their number.
  3. I find their number.
  4. The glass is refilled.
  5. I call the number.
  6. They don't pick up the phone.
  7. I drink more wine.
  8. I look at the phone with a long face.
  9. I pour more wine into the glass.
  10. I tell a girlfriend how that attempt failed.
  11. I drink more wine.
  12. I listen to music, as she consoles me or says "you did your best".
  13. I go and cry in the shower. 
  14. I tilt the cask, and dispense more wine into the glass.
  15. I check the phone and sigh, finishing the wine
  16. I go to sleep. 
Please disregard number 13. I am not joking about that one. 

When in doubt, have wine.

|Straight To The Stars - ATB, Sean Ryan|
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