A random week

i've had a very, ummm, haphazard week..

So school resumed. Properly. New semester and an almost new set of lecturers... And new units. Like what? Financial and actuarial maths (oh Jesus Christ of Nazareth whats that!?!?!). To make matters worse my supplementary math exam was pushed forward from end of September to Saturday! (yesterday) oh my God it was awful. Really. I read and practiced but it still came off as awful. (shit) got my results from last semester. I didn't want to know how I performed. Did quite well! Got A's and B's. Even passed statistics...

Aside that, there's been getting him out of my system....D. Entirely. Absolutely. Void of him. Null. Empty. Difficult to do. I've been looking at his status updates on fakebook (oooooooppps!!! Mean facebook. Oh. My. Gosh. I "accidentally" mispelt it again). He seems to be doing fine. i've stopped looking altogether because its part of the "moving on" process... Friends are helping too. They are talking about everything else BUT men. Men are a no no for now. I feel like telling them its alright, bitch about them but I like the current silence of that topic. (mmmm hmmm)

And then he calls me. I gave emo to answer that call. We were in a pub.. I honestly didnt want to speak to him in the state I was. (high bodering drunk) emo said he'd call later. He didn't. He facebooked though. Got a message saying "hi hope your having fun" blah blah blah. It was like a drunk message or something. I think he thought I was going for the queer party that night and I suspect he was there.. I wasn't. Im tired of those parties. No party till December for me. And life moves on.

On Tuesday Mother dearest was rummaging through my wardrobe looking for a top or something (oh oh). "oh dont mind me..." she said. (I mind!! alot!) she nearly found my ciggs! (BLOODY SHIT!) My secret stash of cigarettes were nearly found.. But she missed them (phew). On that note... I did an amazing thing. Well I think it was amazing. I threw away my cigarettes!!! (yaey for me!) its been 7 weeks since last I smoked... Even at the last party I sooo didn't gaff... So I threw them into the bin.....only for my big brother to walk in (shit!). I stuffed them down the dustbin (eeeeewwww) with my bare hand ( Again, eeeeewwww!!!!) and quickly pretended to be throwing a tea bag.. (phew) oh, with the exception of my sister no one knew I smoked... With those gone what on earth will I do when im stressed?

Drink? (Hmmmm) Bitch? (Maybe) Beat someone? (Seems likely) Scream? (umm...) I dont know.. Yet.

My wardrobe has hidden various items. My stash of goodies. Booze and ciggs mainly. Its seen Baileys, smirnoff, richot, viceroy... The odd comfort chocolates (old Jamaica et al), a dog (yes, when city council askaris were looking for unlicensed dogs in the estate and entering homes' compounds we hid a Rhodesian ridgeback the size of a Labrador in there, and got away with it) and....teddy bears. Dont ask. The drinks were for nightcap or stress purposes, but mainly nightcaps. Or when the craving strikes. Hehe.

Its had no booze since the night I downed half a litre of brandy. I need something new... Been craving a martini. Whats better, martini rosso or martini bianco? one shall be bought. And soon! Do not drink and drive btw. You might hit a bump/run over your in-law/ animal and spill your drink. (Seriously!)

yesterday gothic one was treating a bunch of friend to the most hilarious play I've ever watched. The 43rd kenyan tribe. Oh my goodness heartstrings Kenya make fantastic plays... I was in stitches!!! My ribs hurt! Schoolboy m and I were laughing all through... A was in stitches. Thats the first time I'd ever seen him in hysterics... Fellow came as well! So did my neighbor whom I'm calling smart D. Why? he's really intelligent. He and fellow have similar traits. Small p was giggling (hihi). Especially when they made fun of the kamba tribe. Jesus Christ I haven't laughed like that in ages....

Then we met emo outside. With another friend called fabulous S. He has amazing fashion sense. People were hungry so we went to a pub. I sensed people wanted alcohol. (ill try that martini) Not in the Chinese place though. In that pub we all went and made merry... Miss J came! haven't seen him in a while. Football matches were on (apparently I like watching it) straight people looking at us wierdly. (I doubt they've ever seen a bunch of queer youth booing a team. Yes, we watch footy as well. Tards)

then I got high. I will say that it was small p's fault (your getting drunk very soon my dear buddy) he was buying. See, we went phone shopping for him (I want an E63!!! or E71. Wait my Samsung is just as good) earlier and some change remained... The rest... Wow. Fellow gothic and emo scattered. Gothic and emo came back. Where did fellow go? Hmmm. Emo and I were hiiiiiiigh Then he magically got near-sober. And I was drunk. Kingfisher is nice.(what! It is! don't judge me!) So are martinis. (getting a bottle soon) And tuskers. (mmmm) Hehe. Gothic, emo, small p and smart d gave me a push to the bus stop. In the matatu I sat infront next to the driver. I met the most hilarious driver ever. He could clearly see I was drunk. Then he plays me a song. Its a local one called "im not sober". "hii wimbo ni yako". (this song is for you) I was in fits of laughter! Even the guy sitting next to me, if possible more drunk than i, laughed.. God I got home at 10pm. I can remember zig zagging myself across the estate and into bed... (halleluyiah!!!! beeeeeed..)

So Sunday morning. Im hangovered. My sister as well. Hers worse than mine. I nursed her. Im not your average last born btw. (damn right) I think mother dearest knows we drink. The room smelt of booze!

September approaches. I leave August with memories. Its been a most dramatic month...

(Louis Armstrong- what a wonderful world)

An end and a justification

So its done.

In a long inbox to mr man, or D from now on, I explained why we couldn't be together. Told him he deserves someone better than me. Painful. I wrote it with balancing tears...and he understood. "thanks for everything, adios." was what he said. No Mexican telenovela like pleading No emotional come backs just that.

He went and got drunk later (what goes around comes around, remember my blackout on my bed because of him?). How do I know? Status updates via fakebook (ooops! Mean facebook). So, back to that place of singlehood for a VERY LONG TIME, even if people say I ought to go out there and enjoy myself.

Now, what have people thought about all this? Well, my friends are supportive. Or secretly they aren't but whatever, I made the decision on my own in the end. Now to defend myself.(hell yes, librans must argue and justify themselves) I will not handle such comments and mails sitting down.

Some of you, the readers, might think im a total bitch or spoilt brat who doesn't know shit about love or just some incredibly influenced human that graces your planet with his existance. (mass bitching alert) GNM said its "heavy infatuation". Some random person with an incredibly long user name says it was the chase? (W freaking TF!!!) (btw laugh all you want about my 3part series. IDC!!!) some brave soul, whom ill spare, sent me an email. To my personal email inbox, mind you. Calling me a player and asking for a booty call?? FUCK YOU MALICIOUS, SELF ABSORBED, COLOSSAL BASTARD OF A WANKER!!!! (guess he wasn't spared) If I'd tried so hard to get that relationship running and chasing after him, making sacrifices more than once, going great distances to see him, and NOT expecting anything from him in the end, defending him when people spoke ill of him, doing this now infact, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ALL THAT WAS??? d'you really think i'd do that for someone I was "heavily infatuated" with? Really? No no no no no....

I know what infatuation is. I've experienced it before and this definately wasn't it. Infatuation, as defined by the Oxford dictionary (invest in one) is defined as "having a VERY strong pasion for somebody/something that prevents one from thinking about them/it in a sensible and balanced way; a foolish passion."

Was all THAT, foolish passion? I think it wasn't. Someday he'll make someone especially happy! Love passes people by! People mess up in a relationship, and when there is noon viable solution they end it! Gay love isn't that different from heterosexual love. As long as two people feel the same way about each other, things can work!

I have not forgotten the issue about fellow. All this happened at the wrong (or right time)! Im actually thankful I met him because now I have further insight as to what i'd really want in a guy. I did mention he had nothing to do with this (GNM thats specifically for you). People in relationships meet other people that make them want that fascinating person, but they wouldn't leave their current spouse. I know this i've seen it for myself because again, my friends have undergone the same situation. Call me a hypocrite or anything else you want. I have no apologies to anyone BUT d, because I broke his heart. Oh i did apologize to him in that message I sent him.

I did this to protect myself from a greater disaster that could have happened IF it weren't for my friends, who have concern for me.

So what fucking ever. Im not asking for sympathy. Why am I justifying myself when no one asked me to?

Because I can. Before or after you judge me or this post, go look at yourself in a mirror and look at your own lives.

i'm not dating another guy for the longest time ever.

*PS: gay nairobi man I have nothing against you and I know you meant well.

(no music playing)

Slightly less confused and messy

Well, yesterday went well. Mostly.

I went to visit a very close friend, S. he's very wise. I just felt like the whole world was crashing down on me... So off to his place I went. I told him everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! From the day I met Mr man to yesterday.

And guess what? He said the same thing random P said. "stop doing all the work, if he wants you then he'll look for you". sense...
"what if I dont love him any more?" I'd asked... "get out while you still can, for you its not late." true. He said that its still early enough for me to pull out. Whats the point of waiting till later? It will be messy. ( imagine, like a 20 year old marriage gone down) even now it will be messy. Very. I got great advice that made sense and made that stupid, heavy feeling in my chest lighter.

I may sound cold hearted. But really when 6 different people give you the same advice in different wordings then you know something is wrong. I have been the one to initiate the relationship, I have been going to see him, I have been the one making suggestive moves, I've literally been the one communicating all month by sending the messages and calling!!! Yes he calls from time to time but really, I can't be the one reminding him what I feel for him.

Im there for him out of convenience.

And it hurts when everyone has said that. Shame on me for realizing this a 3 freaking am in the morning. I didn't want to admit it but its true. Its painful. Random P said I'm being abused emotionally. No comment (which is a comment on its own).

What now? Will I have to wait for him to avail himself to tell him? Yes, I seem to have a decision on the table isn't it? As much as I like him, much as he has a body to die for, as sweet as he is, I can't anymore.

And no, its not fellows fault. Fellow and I will be "cousins". Queer ones.. He called yesterday and we had a long chat. i'd already known things would never work out. But things have been sorted between us. One issue down, many more to go.

Its a shame my luck with guys is as it is. 2nd relationship that hasnt gone a month. A scary thing is, I already know what im telling mr man. It will hurt him (or not) and me. What I cant believe is that in just a span of one week i've fallen out of love. What if he tries to make things work?

No. Even then, ill appreciate all his efforts but I wouldn't be able to love him like I used to. i'd be lying.

i'm very confused isn't it? After fighting for so long to make it work then it just all comes crashing down. Now the hard part will be telling him. Its going to make several people hate me.

Alot.

P.s. Cupid was shot with his own arrow and died on the spot(rejoice!). I have allabies as to my whereabouts when his death occured... Was it a hitman or enstranged lover? We will never know. (or maybe someone out there does.)

(lifehouse-you and me)

A mess, with value added confusion

This week has been quite odd:
MY BAG TORE!!! :( my seven year old wonderful tough black backpack tore.... Its been with me since grade 7. SHIT! (its like loosing a friend...well, almost) I have may bags yes but that one held a special place in my heart...

A sign.

A smartphone I got last week (Nokia 6630) which i've wanted for the longest time EVER is going back to its owner. I thought we'd swap for good. Shock. That was the best smartphone they ever made in my opinion. Back to having a walkman.

Also, Um, I might have also done something really silly this week. (nooo, really?)
Im not beating around the bush with this post, ill just say it.

Cuppatea likes someone else. (cupid your a dead child, ill get away with pesticide, you just watch..who the fuck gave you that job and you dont even know what your aiming at??? BRAT!)

Yes. There is someone else. Until yesterday they didn't know i how I felt about them. And now things are in a jumble. Well inside me to say the least. Im ashamed because now im a statistic. Im "the typical guy". I can't help it!!! This wasn't meant to happen but the minute this guy started talking my universe shook very violently!! (I swear it was like 10 earthquakes with magintudes of 8.5) why why why WHY!!!!!! SHIT! This is not how my life is supposed to be. Why can't I just feel for Mr man himself?

Je ne comprends pas le situation dans mon vie. (yes I speak creole/French/that language)

This guy is smart (really smart, some things are totally new to me when he speaks), interesting, funny... The shocking thing is, he's not in the frame of reference I look for in a guy, but mr man kinda is. Which really leaves me wondering... Why me? (yes lord, why me?) I wish I had an off switch for feelings. Life would be much easier.

After meeting him things haven't been the same. Even my dog has noticed. I wasn't going to meet him until later. Shocker, I randomly bumped into him yesterday and, well, we kinda hanged out. Emo, random P and some faghag (whom I like because she's so direct with her communications) and i spent the whole afternoon with this fellow. We had gone to meet random P at the restaurant. Fellow was meeting random P. (aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Oh no)

This week, lots of people have noticed i've not been myself, which I not good. He noticed as well. Prior to yesterday I'd try to surpress all my feelings for this fellow but....SHIT happens. At one point I told him it was someone. He kept asing the whole afternoon who this person was? "just someone" i'd reply. (no way I was telling him it was him!) I did tell him that person moved me etc.

I promised i'd text him. I did. He still wanted to know who this person was he'd replied in block capitals. It felt like he shouted through the text.

I told him it was him. Now things are just...wierd. we'll talk things over with him. When, I dont know. I was worried about this which is why I wanted to keep it a grave secret... Complications would arise. (secrets are unearthed even after death)

What about mr man? Well, I still like him (polygamy in the making I tell you) but someone pointed out something: I seem to be doing all the work in the relationship... Why cant he come up instead? Travelling all that way is an issue for me (fare and time)... Yes he calls and texts but he's never there when I need him. Its always "im sorry, I cant come/ make it. Thats been bugging me since my Friday visit last week.

I thought about alot of stuff last night. What if I were asexual? No feelings for love, for anyone but offspring? I just reproduce. Life would be soooo easy! Or not. Mr man and I have barely touched a month being together. But something isn't right. Even before fellow came in something has been off. Friends are saying its intuition telling me something (God please with your next race of humankind give their intuitions voices so that they know what to do)...

What on earth is it? I've looked back and everything seems normal... My neighbours are celebrating 40 years of being married. 40 freaking years. Sure the husband died last year but its still an institution... A strong one. Mine has barely gone a month as an official item. Yes i've known him since June but im counting it from the day we decided we're in. I feel so..... Ashamed. The longest i've ever dated someone was 3 months. Officially.

I can express myself on paper or html and sometimes when it comes to things like this I cant. Music is my voice for such times. Ill make a CD. Not for me though.

By the way, mr man doesn't know this blog exists... Doubt he knows what a blog is. (ok im being mean)

I know he'll read this. Eventually.

A few songs i've been into this week:
Mika- happy ending
Youssou n'dour- qui sait
Alesha dixon- breathe slow (take composure)
Pink- so what

Where life goes from here...lord knows. Yet even after aaaaaaalllll this, im still thankful/grateful for life. i've not screamed, i've not cried. Im just living life.

affairs

The word 'Affair' as described by the Oxford dictionary:

1. a thing to be done or for which one is responsible; a concern; a matter
2. (a) Personal business matters
(b) matters of public interest and importance
3. (a) An event or series of events, esp one connected with a particular person, thing, or place.
(b) an organized social event
(c) a thing descrbed in a specified way
4. LOVE AFFAIR: e.g. she' having an AFFAIR with her boss.

I didn't capitalize the 4th definition on purpose, the dictionary I referred to spelt it like that.

Well, i've always wondered how people can see two or more significant others at the same time. The effort required, the "inconveniences" (lies) that need to be thought of to prevent (in most cases successfully) the lovers from finding each other out, timings etc. its very fascinating to watch from a third person perspective...

I know some of my friends who've actually had affairs, most of them ending in anger and frustration. It made me think, what if I was in an affair? First what role would I be? The affairer (person that starts/causes the affair to happen) or affairee (the one who agrees to be in the whole shinnanigan)? Yes, thats improper English for the terms but its like the simplest term to use. Or cheater and cheating? You decide.

Is having an affair the same as being polygamous? Are they related? I dont think so. In polygamy both lovers are aware of each other. In an affair they aren't... Hmmmm. I find an affair a thrilling thing... The prospect of being caught, seen, even heard makes it exciting!

But its evil (why am I typing that with a malicious smile?).

Indeed. People get hurt, loose trust, break up, do awful things etc... There is always an innocent one (I think). I've never heard of someone having an affair because their spouse was having one... The mistake people make is overconfidence in that they wont be caught. (yeah right!) they do! As in you dont think its that easy do you? Its never that easy... Do people stay with the affairee after? Woe unto the soul that finds out they've been ditched for someone else.

I mean, it makes someone think they're not pretty/handsome enough or that they are bad etc... Thats just really wrong!

Would I have an affair? If I fell in love with someone else whilst being in a relationship... Hmmmm. It needs thought. Lots. And possibly a cold heart And a damned good series of lies. What would I do if Mr man had an affair? Leave him? Stay? Again, i dont know... How on earth do some people tolerate a guy/lady who's cheating on them? Love does funny things.

Its like a psychological war. Not good for the heart. So if we love someone why is it we still have affairs? And how do people cope with the image of being a cheater/home wrecker/ husband or wife snatcher/ unfaithful? It would kill me! Or not.

Personally I think affairs are had because people like what they cant have. they're having whats not theirs...

Can someone be convinced to have an affair? Can someone make you love them? Can affairs be a secret for life? Are they worth it? Why am i thinking of affairs?

I should write cupid a letter. (dido-life for rent)

A series of 3 posts: 3. healed

You didn't think we stay at that stage forever did you?

Im sorry if you did. But we dont. We heal. And when we are healed we are loving. Or just normal. Life carries on. After freshening up we are better. A few hours or a day or two we are back to normal functions. Those who are daring do it again. yikes...

I don't. I actually think sex is a special act that should be done rarely, because with the right person you manufacture love. Or just unwind. Satisfy Which is why I do it rarely. People ask why... I tell them the above. They laugh. So I tell them low sex drive. They still laugh. I dont care. I have my beliefs & they have theirs (damn right).

Do we look forward to another round? Some do. Some don't. I do....but muuuuuuch later. Why? Cycle? Beliefs? Maneno mingi. But beliefs mainly. After sex we think.

Oh this part is just mean. (and I dont care)

We evaluate. Judge. (I oppose judgment but I cant help it, its human to do so) sex is like an art, performance. So, we think, how well were we done? Those with mega sore bottoms may think it was the best (or worst) performance. Some think hmmmm average. Others think they've experienced faaar better. What did I think?

Obviously it rocked! 8/10. Why not 10? No one is perfect. Or do some people beg to differ? Those with huge egos do.

As bottoms we discuss this sometimes. Share tips. Laugh even! HELL YEAH!!! We laugh at tops for many things. e.g. When a bottom has a bigger /penis/dick/todger/door knob/willy/rod/tree/pipe/shaft etc (the're so many names for a penis) than a top (AAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! priceless!)! Are they envious? Or do they think "freak". I wont know (and dont want to) any time soon.

So life moves on. Which brings me to the end of this series.

Some of you might think i'm deranged (what else is new?), angry (I'm not), explicit (everyone has a peverse side), brash (whatever), or simply scared (im not). I had to speak about this. Based from my personal experience. Why? Because people don't have a clue. I really hope someone out there reads this series I've written. Education. Maybe it will help them. I hope it does

A series of 3 posts: 2. recovery

i'm writting this because i've never seen a similar post written. We must be heard as bottoms! Yes, really.

I wont lie. Sex is pleasant. Straight or gay. But with gay people, bottoms in particular, we go a certain next stage of which tops, unless versatile, will NEVER understand!

An angry/emotional/oh my kinda post is next. Read on.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and their donkey who's name we are uncertain of, HELL!!! Oh freaking hell...

After sex, bottoms are in some sort of pain. Of your one reading this and your saying to yourself "it never happens to me", YOUR A BLEEDING LIAR!!!! I'm not new to sex. I undergo this after every round. We all do. Some are used to it. Others aren't.

A burning feeling down there, with a feeling of apartness. I behave normally after sex. No moods, no whining, just me as usual. Why you ask? We don't want to make tops feel bad. (some bottoms do though, saddists. Give a man credit for satisfying you.) yes, sex is nice. Bliss. Wonderful. But I wont lie. Bad physical feelings follow next....

Oh, by the way water rationing will see bottoms participate in sex less because we cant freshen up comfortably, we cant look after ourselves properly. Learnt that today. So what now? You tell me.

So we feel pain, or rather I feel pain after. And I let it ebb away with time....after a good shower and care down there. Robb is a minty ointment that burns but helps sort out the pain after. Tops, GET THAT INTO YOUR HEADS! Stock up on such for bottoms sake! Do you know what we go through after? I doubt it. If you do, good for you. Some don't. If your part of that some, this next paragraph is just for you:

Treat us bottoms with care afterward. don't think we can just up and walk and do things after sex.

No, mr man didn't make me do anything after. He was really gentle. Im writting this for other bottoms who aren't lucky or cant talk about it..

Maybe its just me (the hell I doubt it) but I feel fragile afterward... To the ones who are shagged and bossed around after. Im sorry. I feel your pain. But your brave. The same applies for women. You are strong to do anything after sex. I think im most sensitive/fragile after sex. Im limited in activities. Did I mention the pain that we go through during flatulence/wind or going for a long call after (if your unlucky that is.)
? ( wind/ flatulence means farts. Your a saddists if you dare laugh! DONT!)

We take time to heal. Secretly, im moody after sex. I prefer to be alone after. Why the cold shoulder afterwards? I dont know. Ask a shrink. I know its not guilt. Im satisfied! But why? Lord knows. Some bottoms show this openly, I dont. I try not to.

So my dear tops, thats just abit of why we act the way we do after sex. Understand that please. don't think we're rejecting you. We aren't.

And bear in mind that THIS POST IS NOT CONDEMNING SEX, it just explains (or tries to) a certain stage we bottoms go through.

Recovery takes a day or two. Less for super bottoms. Emotionally it will take a few minutes to hours to heal. For me it takes a few hours.

Hats off to those who shag daily. I dont envy your bums...

A series of 3 posts: 1. body

This is a series of very explicit posts. Beware. Read at your own freaking risk! Seriously.

Do you remember a certain post in the month of March that said I got laid? 5 months later...

Today i went to visit Mr man. I promised him I would visit before going back to school.. And so I went. This time in a matatu with stupid hard seats (my arse!!!) the journey seems so long but its exciting... I love to travel. Sat next to a man/midget/little person who was sooooo interested at looking at me.. Yikes.

I can safely say that I can travel long distances alone but the thing is im usually nervous. Why? Accidents, hijackings etc. I prayed (being gay doesn't mean I don't love/believe in God) last night and asked God to cloak whatever vehicles ill be travelling in with his protection. He did. (thanks!) I texted mr man when I was near the bus stop. I wanted him to meet me. There is no way im walking in that town alone!

Last night I messaged him asking whether he had things necessary for sex to happen. Mostly. he'd ran outta lube. Now, im not ready to go out and buy sex things yet! Yes, laugh out loud but this is a SERIOUS issue terrorising youth. Its a bit embarrassing (even if those random mtv ads say dont be shy) because people will know what your getting up to. And im STILL broke. I shall start a sex shop whn I have capital. Maybe in years to come sex wont be such a.... Nini topic, as locals say. Theres an abstinence campaign for youth going on. Im clearly not part of that. But hey I dont have sex often and I felt ready for him (after last time I definitely was) and so it was decided that today we will "play naughty".

Oh boy. Literally.

I meet him and we walk to his place...its always great to see him... This time a shirt with swirling patterns and Jean shorts ( AAAAAHAHAHAHA! I love him for his eccentric dressing) greeted me. Smiles. Yeah this will be fun, I left home early to spend the day with him. We get there and watch what? Queer as folk. The American version. Season 5 with all its sex scenes is such a definate turn-onner...thats improper English I know.
Then play time begins. So if I didn't have lube and he didn't have any at all what made things smooth-ish?

Vaseline lotion! Works wonders. What, it does!

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Oh my goodness he just goes and goes and goes! Again, this time didn't find me thinking about clothes and their prices... I was actually in bliss (mostly)! Wow he pumps. And hes got quite a package. And a body. A meaty one with muscles. mmmmm... My goodness it was so exhilarating! Fast. I like it gentle but today OH MY GOD!!!

My voice was hoarse. Yes the sex was that goodd I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbours had a cigarette. What music was playing? Some random raggae one that plays in matatus. Its rather interesting being shagged with "I've got neeeeews for yoooooooouuu!" playing. It left me totally out of breath. "im not that god in bed" he'd said.

Silly guy, you bloody lied/underestimated yourself...

We were done. I stood up and I was dizzy! Out of focus. Panting. Wow. Sex is good once in a while not often. I refreshed myself... Buuuuuuut water rationing prevents proper freshening up. I will shower when I get home but meanwhile down there needed sorting!

Sorted. (yaey)

This is the part I hate/ most bottoms hate.

Pain.

Good sex will have casualties in that down area. Im no exception. Infact im sensitive. But I wont complain. Bottoms never do. The next post will tell you exactly what we feel.

At 4pm after resting and having a coke he escorted me to the bus stop. Where I took a very comfy matatu. I felt sad leaving but ill see him again soon

I went home to cook. No surprises there.

My bum. Argh the pains of being a bottom. Read the next post if you really want to know how we bottoms are post sexual activities.

Love all around

you'd beter have a stiff drink or a good cup of tea/coffee/herbal hoo haas because this is a very long post. Several days squashed/squeezed/compressed into one post!

Last week Thursday i went to visit Mr man...

He lives out of the city in a land where the Savannah is vast and one can see beautiful plains (I cat believe thats just 17kms out of nairobi). As broke as I was I actually decided some quality time with him was better than having little money in the wallet. So I went. And thank God for google maps! Would have gotten lost if it didnt have a certain company listed...

I get there and call to find out where he's at... And then I see him coming..I'd missed him lots! Each time I see him I go weak on the knees. don't know why...we walked to his place. He has his own place. Interesting former railways property that was auctioned years ago which the mum bought and gave him as a place to stay. Traditionally guys are built cubes or homes when they become adults.. Clearly his mum follows that tradition.

The first thing I notice when I stepped in was tidyness (what!)... I've never seen another room other than mine that belongs to a guy that is actually tidy! We sit. Then hes asks if im hungry, I say not really... *stomach makes a noise* then he's like "are you sure?"

After eating we watched a series called 'lie to me'. Its really nice! His arm around me... He has a certain shy trait to him which i find quite sweet. We start getting touchy (ooooh...) did I mention his kisses are sizzling? He said he'll find my tickle-ish (wheres that dictionary for spelling) spots. And he did. I wont tell you though...

We were this close to having sex but time was up and I really had to get back home (crap!!). And I wasn't prepared anyway. Bottoms have to! we're not like tops who just get up and start... I didn't want to go... Laying down, head on his chest, his arms around me, I really didnt wanna go. All this was too nice to just leave behind..

So we walked to the bus stop. Outside we were rather straight. A slight distance apart. Found ourselves close again... At the bus stop we talked and waited.. And during that time he gave me something which took me by surprise!

He gave me a spare key to his house...

Thats really big of him! I was actually speechless. I wanted to give him a loooooong hug but yeah, society bites.

And back home I went I went.

Sleeping that night was tedious. He was stuck in my head! Was listening to R-kelly's 'turn back the hands of time' (an all time favourite of mine, I remember the first day I heard it. I
was 9 years old) and clutching my duvet. Yes, it would have been nice to go back to that moment were we were holding each other.

Friday. I have to run errands for mother dearest and there's no electricity (power rationing is a total bitch!). The city feels odd. It felt like a Tuesday! I wasn't going back home early. So I meet A to get net cafe money (still broke). Emo M calls. he's also in town. He and A never get along. Why dont half my friends get along with each other?

Met up with emo. He needed help with an assignment. Photography. A photo story of anything. Lucky him. We walk round the city and land ourselves in a internet cafe. In the next cafe there is a ugandan guy (queer) I have known on facebook for ages but never met him. Hes rather short in person. He wants to go look for contacts. That would be emo's assignment.

Then mr man calls. he's in town and wants to meet (yaey!)

Emo asks me if he can meet mr man. I'm sceptical because i'd hate for people to judge. Infact emo does that. Lord how will I get outta this one? Anyway I say fine. At the opticians when everyone is busy mr man texts and says hes nearby. I go meet him quick telling emo ill be back soon...

So a few minutes later in very colourful shorts (OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!) mr man appears. he's like the only guy EVER i've seen who can wear brightly coloured shorts on a grey and gloomy day! Special... He made my day! When everyone else looked drab he was quite colourful... He came with a friend. Who left two minutes afterward. Interesting. Apparently he told his friend about us and he wanted to see what I looked like...

Mr man was looking for a new cell phone. Up and down town we went... Until we got one from a shop which his friend recommended (a very questionable one, I think a black market one OMG!) from WHICH he got his phone... P called (yaey!). I haven't seen him in ages... We will meet him as soon as we would be done with mr mans errands..

He (P) had a look of surprise when he saw mr man behind me. Apparently they know each other. Mr man says the afternoon is for me (aaaw!) so of to the Chinese pub! I still cant believe our fave restaurant/pub is owned by chinese! How cool is that! We get there and chat. Im thinking this is nice... Best friend and boyfrend and I having fun...

Afterward mr man has to leave...needed to get home early. And its 4pm which means.... HAPPY HOUR!!! Im a fan. Happy hour makes you go home not drunk, not tipsy, but cheerful! I have a new favourite drink. Sierra amber is its name. We are joined by another friend F. Hmmm F. Because I cant think of a term that fits him for now.

An hour later and two beers later i'm efinately happy! :) mr man cant get a vehicle home so we go meet him again! Fun! Then we walk to the bus stop. And he goes... Sigh. Then I go to my bus stop and go home. Cooking again.

Saturday. I was meant to go hiking but it was cancelled because of bad weather, until sunday. What do we do at home? Im never home on a saturday. I laze around... Go visit my neighbours, come back home, fly my planes in flight simulator... Saturday at home is wierd...

Sunday morning! Hiking day! Its gloomy but I dont mind. I leave home at 8.30 so that im in tow by 9. Thats the time we were meant to meet... People came at 10. Off we go to the ngong hills again! This time we will strt from a place called corner baridi (cold corner) and climb all the way from one end to another..coming out at ngong town.

We were 11! Good number. we're dropped past corner baridi near ole polos and right infront of us was....

A hill.

A near vertical one hehe... Climbing in a zig zag manner is rather fun. There were many hikers... And the views were fantastic! amazing... Some hills were quite challenging! If your not fit they take your breath away-literally. It soon became sunny! Yaey! I love it that you can see miles away... At one point you could even see mt kenya's silhouette. I would know this because im good in geography. It has a distinct shape.

My next investment should be a camera, a good one. How ill get it I have no idea. We finshed the hike at 5. Got to ngong town at 5.20 where we had fries! Those yummy fries... My body wasn't in pain! Im very pleased! We went in a very comfy bus this time. At one point a friend entered (found out who it was this morning) and we had a mouthed conversation because the bus was silent and he was standing. i'd never actually met him, he's a facebook friend. A very successful one at that.

So I got home at 8pm. Waiting for me was prawn curry with rice! My dad called and we had a chat. Finally my allowance is here. I may seem to have a plastic life but trust me its not. Im aware of other human issues. Besides im a teen not a working class fellow...

Bed! A great invention man made...

His love...

Saturday night and day in general was incredible...i'm quite surprised..

Well the last week of July was the most broke week ever! How I was going to the party I had no idea. Saturday morning came...I got permition to go sleep over at A & T's place.. Which is slightly true, I sleep there after we party! I left home and went over, bummed abit then went to check out some new mall which by the way was soooo freaking boring! Met up with gothic M though...

We went back to A's where we bummed some more. He's getting ever increasingly mean...i.e he's always teasing me about one thing or the next and it hurts. I try to get past it but.... Anyway i'll sort that out soon. We went to meet up with schoolboy M and very diplomatic S, S was taking us to a restaurant where he claimed it had the best food for great value! And he said we wouldn't finish...

He was so right...english fish and chips with delicious sauce is the best thing i've had in a while! And we met a very interesting friend of his...a maasai with cut glass english... We left tere to go to the usual restaurant where we always meet up with people... We would meet P, his man, another friend M, whose not yet designated a special name (yet)...spent the whole afternoon there...

I had previously spoken with D that week, he said i meet at the party...so i had to go with all my brokeness! If i didn't go things would have...... Yeah so i went... Gothic's boyfriend came! Miss J we call him. Thanks to him i have a new random drink that i like AND i got to the party tipsy! Its a mint flavoured drink...hehe... Before that there was a hiccup! D wrote on facebook that he's not coming...

I was so freaking devastated i nearly went home.

I called him to find out why, and hes wasnt picking up...then he did. He said it was a trick (a nasty one!) and that he was on his way. I wasn't too sure... Then miss j came and we went and got smashed at a supermarket with that minty drink...

We get there, A and his guy lingering behind (those two had been so "couple" like that afternoon) miss j and i walking on ahead.. So there was a blackout at the club but it was sorted out...let the party begin!!!

I stepped out when our darling friend k took me to another club nearby to see a friend who's in the country for abit...that was fun! Had to go back though, D called me, he was there waiting...we went back. He wasn't outside so I went inside because finally the dj was spinning some music... He calls again! He's outside... I ran out..literally. I remember feeling anxious... I'd been expecting the worst to happen..

Looking hot with an Arafat, blue jeans and bronze (or was it silver?) jacket and a tight white shirt was D (daaaaaaayum he's hot!). Funny thing is, I was also wearing a white shirt/blouse/whatever, tight blue jeans and my cartoon tie. We matched. I didn't tell him what I was going to wear... Seems it was coincidence or great minds think alike..

Away from the noise, I asked him if we could talk seriously..he agreed and we sat on a pavement stone... After what seemed forever I could finally talk to him face to face. And we talked. I explained how I'd been feeling, asked him whats going on etc. Bear in mind I was expecting the letting go speech from him...all this I spoke and he kept smiling (that smile makes everything better i think).

SHOCK ON ME!!!

He said sorry. As in he looked sooo sincere when he said that (he meant it) He admited hes not a great communicator. He was giving me space because of exams (I turned pink, i know this because my ears feel hot when I do that) and that he felt I needed the space...I told him regardless of the situation I like being talked to... Then he asked what I expected from him. I told him anything, I had no specific expectations. And at that point I realized his arm was around my waist. Told him im not good at personal expressions of love, I never experienced that much with my ex boyfriends... I also said i was sorry for thinking ill of the whole issue. He smiled again. "so we're good? we're seeing each other right?" I asked.

"Yes..." he replied. We smiled. In all this conversation my surroundings seemed quiet. Then I told him the story of the ring I wear. He laughed! I felt abit embarrassed...but he said its alright. we'd been outside for an hour and a half talking... We went back inside, and found A and K looking for me. They said they were worried about me... I told them I was having a chat with D. I'm referring to him as mr man from now, thats my designated code for boyfriend.

The party got interesting...especially when the bouncers were throwing out peoples for busting them making out or doing funny things like weed. The amount of bribes they got! I think they went home wealthy. I was told by a lesbian that its just like any other club and we're expected to be responsible... I acually agree with her. G and some other people were doing weed, I was utterly disappointed in them. I know in small amounts its not bad but i've actually seen shit happen to people in my high school years...and I dont want my friends to go down that road. Its a bad and harrowing one...

At around 3am we wanted to go home... Mr man can really dance! (I cant keep up) we had our last dance then told him I had to go. He tugged me to the bathroom and kissed me... He kisses in a very interesting way LOL! Its sizzling... Im used to slow, air sucking kisses... That one just rocked!

Spec D, A, miss jay, a lesbian friend of ours whom im caling les G, and I hopped into a cab and went home. That cab smelt like fumes! We get there and crash...spec D and I were sharing a bed. He smoke before sleep...hihi..we chatted abit. It was 4.15am. Quite early considering we get home at 6am... The last songs I listened to were Gwen Stefani's '4 in the morning' and the killers's 'read my mind'.

Sunday we chilled watching movies... Diplomatic one came over with a gay series called the downlow chronicles, which I think mimics nairobian men. Very interesting.

Im here writing this upside down on my smartphone listening to royksopp's album called junior, on a very grey Monday.

And i'm not single any more...