A wrinkled relationship ironed

So I met up with person y yesterday... It was.....very "enlightening" as he said.

So I pushed & pushed some more to meet at a place of my choice, halfway between our homes.. And it seemed like it was a battle of "who's going to have their way". I won. Its best to go to a neutral place when discussing serious issues. I dont go there, neither does he. Anyway we met (at bloody long last!) and sat.

I didn't even bother beating round the bush, I told him I'd get to the key points and he wont like it. Said he was prepared. Ok then, I started. I was very curious as to why he stood me up... He was caught up with things. Fine, I told him it upset me and that he ought to be more considerate. Then I started what became a small rant. He never attends or accompanies me to events I invite him to but expects me to go places with him all the time? There he said he's sorry and that he'll work on it (I hope he does). I also told him about the phone call issue. He said sorry.

I told him about using those 3 words all the time (you know them, those I love you phrases), I had to explain this to him, yes I feel strongly for him but not to the extent where I have to use those words. I just had to be honest with him on that one. Its still early in the relationship. Now, there he was shocked. Its like I told him someone died!

What a loud, awkward silence that followed.

Then the topic changed to my weekend trip that I might be going on. And then back to that subject. Oh boy. He loves me, he said it like 3 times. Im curious, how is it he loves me that deeply? I wonder what I did to deserve that from him. Im honoured but im worried. Then he said "whats the point/sense in loving someone who doesn't love you back?"

Shit i really didn't like where this was going... I told him that I had no intentions to leave him, I just didn't want to rush things... My feelings for him haven't changed since I met him. He seemed to calm down but I knew he was upset. Anyone would. Another awkward silence. So he's like he'll try and be a better person.. For some odd reason he thought i compared him to my exes. Well I did, the whole no show thing didn't jazz me..

So that being said we talked about other stuff like his crazy friends etc. Then we left, I had to go see T and fabulous m. I needed official pants to wear on Saturday night (to be explained later) and T offered to help... Do not ask me why I don't have official wear, I just dont.

The miraculous thing is the relationship is still intact. I thought he'd put up a fight or get upset and tell me to leave etc. But he didn't. Thank goodness! Now hopefully things will be better from here...

|lonely girl-ocean lab|

Treading lightly on broken eggshells.

When someone asks you, "how are you?", one would automatically reply "i'm fine thanks" or similar. But really, when you think about it, are you really?

That was me over the weekend, being asked such a question. "No i'm not okay". Small p and i had met up for coffee on saturday. I haven't said much about me since last week. Well, things aren't going very well between person y and i. Since that argument things have been different. I actually look at him in a different way now. Aside standing me up on Friday with a "no hard feelings" text, that came the next day mind you, he's had several issues with me of late. It's only been a month and a week (i am cursed with these one month whatevers which im trying to undo) and already he wants a deeply serious commitment.

I'm not ready for that! I feel things are rushing too quickly, i'm being swallowed up in this. I have strong feelings for him, yes, but it doesn't classify for it to be called "love" (i learned my lesson) nor does it mean that things must move so quickly.  I want to tell him in a very nice way when i see him later this week that things are moving too quickly, he has mood issues and that he needs to meet some of my expectations as well if i'm to be around. Call me cold readers, but i tell you it's a terrible thing when you claim to have a boyfriend and he's never there, or when you say you have issues with him. I have ME to be concerned about. He's never there with me for my activities like going to art galleries and concerts but when he wants to go somewhere he insists on my attendance...that needs to be sorted as well.
I know humans aren't perfect. I'm not perfect either. But for any relationship to work things need to be adressed and worked on from there. I'm sure he has lots to tell me as well (somehow i don't like how that date is going to be; intuition). 

I'm also going to ask for a week's break from each other. Yes i haven't seen him for over two weeks now because of this and that but i seriously need time to think about things, where things are headed and how things are going to work out.. It might seem a little over cautious, but i really want things to work out and for that to happen things need to be taken one step at a time. I like it when things are running smoothly.

Wish me luck...

A letter

Aren't you just tired of what the media has been talking about gays in Kenya? 
I sure am... 
The last piece i saw was a photo of one of those Kenyan newly-weds at home with smiles and he had a nightie on (i think its a nightie...it looks like a Nigerian guy's dress/Kanga/lord knows) and he was smiling! Why would they print personal photos like that? Why would they ridicule him? I also saw a story of the two who said they'd like to be left alone by the media. I dont blame them. First of all the Media went and home-wrecked their homes, printed nasty photos and published absolutely terrible stories about them. Here is a letter i just came up with, It's not much, but i felt i needed to write about it.

Dear biased Kenyan media houses publicizing negative stories about gay people,
First of all it was terribly unethical to air and print such biased stories on those two Kenyan gay men in Britain. Did you, the media ever wonder why they went abroad? They got tired of being oppressed both personally and financially. They went to seek greener pastures and they got it. They got freedom of expression and they found love in each other amongst many other things! Why would you, the media, destroy that for them? Is it because you didn't ave news to sell? Is it the fact you opress fellow gay journalists and make them write such? Is it the journalists themselvess who have a vendetta against gay people? WHAT? I'd really like to know. Very many people do.
Secondly, I used to support your cry for media freedom. I still do, but when you go all savage and behave like rabid geese it's difficult for me to do so. I ask you very nicely, PLEASE LEAVE MISTERS CHARLES NGEGI & DANIEL GICHIA ALONE!!!! They, like any other couple deserve privacy. SO please no more stories about them, you've done enough harm to us, and to them. 
Finally, Y'ALL ARE BLOODY HYPOCRITES!!! "should gay people be accepted in Kenya today?" you have jounalists who're gays as well. You employ them. You write about "being an equal rights employer in your job advertisements. Is criminalizing/demonizing/being negative about gay people being equal? really? No. It's not.
Shape up or shut up. 


p.s it would be nice if you brought back Will and Grace.

The media: now with more nastiness...

Views expressed in this post are my own, and do not necessarily express the views of others (or does it?) so don't bring me BS!

I'm a very irrate cuppatea right now...
You might have already heard or seen but for those that have missed out, read this story that was in the nation on Monday:

"Two Kenyan men wed in London

By GITAU wa NJENGA in London and GAKIHA WERU in Nairobi

Two Kenyan men on Saturday became the first gay couple to wed in London. Charles Ngengi, 40 and his bride, Daniel Chege Gichia, 39, became civil partners under the controversial Civil Partnership Act which came into effect in the UK in 2005 allowing couples of the same sex to have legal recognition of their relationship.

The couple tied the knot at a civil partnership ceremony at Islington Town Hall in North London at 11.30 a.m. UK time. According to the Act, a civil partnership is defined as a legal marriage between gay and lesbian couples, and any couples who enter into a civil partnership obtain the new legal status of civil partners, instead of the traditional husband and wife status.
The 30-minute ceremony witnessed by 50 guests was conducted by the registrar of marriages at Islington Council. Both Ngengi and Chege clad in matching cream suits and black shoes, arrived at Islington Council Town Hall shortly before 11 a.m. driven by a close friend in a Volvo car.
After taking the vows witnessed by two close associates, the registrar said: “It gives me great pleasure to officially pronounce you couple civil partners”. The couple kissed passionately amid deafening applause from the congregation gathered to witness the reunion.
As curious guests scrambled to have a glimpse of the newly weds’ the couple took turns to sign registration documents under the supervision of the registrar. Unlike in ordinary civil marriages, no form of religious activity is allowed to occur during the process of registering the civil partnership.
Among the guests at the controversial nuptials included Chege’s former British husband’ David Cleaves, Julius Reuben, a top Tanzanian gay model, a cross-section of the couple’s close associates mainly drawn from diverse gay and lesbian communities in London as well-wishers among Kenyan residents in London.

Conspicuously absent from the closely guarded ceremony were family members of both men. After the ceremony, the couple and their guests drove to nearby Alexandra Palace where they posed for their wedding pictures. A lavish civil partnership reception was planned at Safari Bar in North Finchley in North London.
But despite the fun and the glamour accompanying the unusual wedding’ not everyone is raising a glass to the happy couple. The marriage has raised a storm among Kenyan residents in the UK who have described it as ‘unnatural and socially unacceptable’.
Sources close to the couple told the Nation in London on Saturday that despite widespread condemnations, the couple was ‘happy and very much in love’. “Chege and Ngengi are in love, and they have decided to ‘publicly declare their love’ within the legal framework of this country,” said a source who sought anonymity.
Another Kenyan said: “It time the Kenyan community woke up to reality, some of us are gay; Kenyans have to get over it.” Last weekend, Chege, who is openly gay and well known among Kenyan migrant community in the UK, was spotted wearing an engagement ring at an upmarket London social function accompanied by Ngengi.
On July 30, the couple was photographed together for the first time in public, along with David Cleaves at Invest in Africa Build Africa – Kenyan Housing Expo held at the Holiday Inn, Regent Park in London.
Pictures of the three men dining among guests at a lavish dinner hosted by Realken International Ltd in collaboration with the Ministry of Housing and the Kenya High Commission in London, which was attend by Soita Shitanda, the minister for housing, and Joseph Muchemi, Kenya High Commissioner in the UK, were posted on a popular London Kenyan website, www.misterseed.com.
Ngengi, who arrived in London from Nairobi in mid-June, had a long-distance relationship with Chege. Sources said the couple are familiar faces in many gay spots in Nairobi. Chege, an auxiliary nurse at a North London hospital, arrived in London in the mid 1990s from his rural village of Gaturi in Murang’a district.
After settling in London, he met and befriended Cleaves at a London gay bar before moving to his affluent Crouch End residence on Cardinal Way, which they renamed Gaturi Towers. Chege enjoyed a long-term openly gay relationship with Cleaves,65, a former printer and a married father of two grown-up children.
 In August 2000, the couple made headlines in Kenya after a local daily newspaper published details of their intimate bizarre relationship. Pictures of Chege and Cleaves attending the 2000 Mardi Gras - Gay and Lesbian festival in London stunned Kenyans in a front page story headlined Murang’a boy and his British husband.
The couple separated four years ago but remained close. Mr Chege now lives with his partner in a one-bedroom council flat in Finsbury Park, North London. Born in Gaturi village in Murang’a Mr Chege dropped out of primary school before he could finish Standard Eight due to what he once said were financial difficulties.

Living home with only Sh5, Chege moved to Nairobi in 1989 in search of employment. With the help of a relative, he first secured a job at fruit kiosk in the city centre. In a newspaper interview in 2000, he said he had always been attracted to men and it was while in the city that he was able to find his way into Nairobi’s gay community. He left the country in 1994, first flying to Spain before moving to London where he met Cleaves. The couple visited Kenya on holiday on several times and spent some time at Chege’s home in Murang’a."
For those that missed the story, there it is. To add salt to the wound, A local television network KTN even went to one of their rural homes to "see the residents reactions". My first reaction was amusement... I mean they blow up this story THEN go to people's homes!!! How crude! Now the man probably wont come home. Ever. The media has had his whole rural town gossip, ridicule and even disown him! Did they think what would happen next as a result? It's bad enough the media are medival about the topic but REALLY, TO SHOW THE MAN'S PARENTS THE ARTICLE AND PHOTOS???? REALLY? Grow up, stupid media houses...I realize why the parliament is trying to pass the media bill 2008/2009. They need a leash!!

What a shame.

To make matters worse they interviewed a gay couple. I think they edited scenes from that interview. OH, it was done by a prominent CNN of the year journalist (yes him, the sexy one) and his swahili counterpart. How ironic considering there've been stories of this guy being bisexual (rumour or true?) I think the media is over reaccting about this. I know negative news sells, but really? Is all this necessary? Imagine, the story of going to the guy's rural home was the first news story last night on KTN, and there are more important stories like how a building collapsed with workers inside it;the way which came next by  Somewhere in these media house are very nasty editors, who decide to make this whole "gays are here" story massive and generally very useless and terribly. WASHINDWE KABISA!!!!

Will the story die down? Will they ever leave us alone? you know, last year was pretty peaceful in terms of media coverage about us... we were at peace, we didn't have to endure this bullshit we're hearing/waching on the news... Its very shameful that in the year 2009 going 2010, some Kenyans have medival attitudes towards LGBT societies...

I even forgot the radio... There is a guy who writes plays, had a stand up comedy show, acts, and even appears on the radio as a different persona either as "jelango" or " mwalimu kingagagasomething" (cant spell or pronounce it) who lashed out such STUPID comments, like how "we should be burned" and how its "unnacceptable" and very many negative things about gays... I was really not moved externally but in my head i wanted to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU INSIPID IMPOTENT FOOL!!!" in the jitney... but stayed calm. I didn't listen to the whole interview (alighted at a stop) but im told it was worse...

What i can't believe is how in a span of two weeks everything turned from silent to noisy...

"i keep hoping that this sorrow will get lost...and swept away.." ----> ATB-swept away

...And the who that did what, when, and over where

What a weekend!!

It easily made up for the sucky one i had during my birthday. Ever been high for two days straight? yeeeeeeah cuppatea was in one such state on friday and saturday... I now know how Andy Capp feels....
Ok it was fabulous m's birthday on friday and he was  hosting a dinner... Before that i had to go to the city to get my ticket for the just a band kenya concert for their latest album launch 82 which was veeeeeery nice! (i shall explain in due time) Anyhoo yes, he was hosting a dinner party! i got there with A & T (A and i seem to be speaking again) and my goodness the minute you walk in BAAAM!!!! drinks! i was high enough on sugar that T gave me in the form of candy! There was a very big 4.5litre of famous grouse (or Infamous grouse) and lord knows what else!! Basically, it was fun! I made new friends! Including one who was sooooooo respsonsible for my getting high... Sigh. Imagine the birthday man blacked out before everyone? THAT, was funny!! (AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!)

So i got high, and was dropped home by A and Spec D. I remember falling onto a car when i was leaving (which explains the bruise i have on my knee i think).. Grief! that drink (grouse) is the devil in liquid form... I had such a shit hangover the next day and i had to go clean up (yes i'm a firm believer of helping to clean up after parties) and when i went....BAAAAM!!! more drinks!!! "its to rid the hangover..." i was told. (really?) i tried to turn it down but those people didnt want to hear! so bottoms up (again after last night woooi...) and cleaning begun! we were supposed to cut the cake in the afternoon....and singer A came! fuuuun! He got high on "infamous grouse" :) and he had a performance at the concert that night...hihi... OH the other guy, whom i'm calling Sir J, (i will explain) came as well... the cake was cut after we cleaned up and all... then more drinking came again, this time in the name of gin! mind you i was being dared. It was drinking or having cream licked off my chest.. yeah ill stick with drinking.

BAAAAAM!!!! got high after a while... I made sausages in that state and my goodness they were good! Why is it when i cook tipsy or high food always comes out better? I looked at the time and im like "eeeeeek the concert starts in 30 minutes!!!" i left fabulous m's home at 6.30pm... Now, one of my fave cars is a landrover (i wont say the model) and his in paritcular is woooooooooow! hence his name. I got home and changed in a record two minutes, because he was outside with spec d in the car waiting. Mind you i had two party cups of gin and no proper meal which meant i was terribly high... even mother dearest noticed (oh oh) but a quick change in and out!! Off to the concert! (i love that car!!!! imma own one one day) I think we dropped spec D somewhere along the way.... Arriving in the concert i got looks of death & knives from very many people... I was in that nice beige leather jacket and tight jeans... (I think it was the car that had people look at me like that & probably not the clothes) And in two minutes we started to enter...

THAT CONCERT ROCKED!!!! I saw many of my friends and the music was amazing!! good enough for me to buy their CD. Small p came! I was so happy! he found me by asking people if "they've seen a high guy that looks tourist-y pulling off white boy dance moves"... He succeeded (In my defence im biracial and i cannot dance to save my own life, so i dance anyway and not give 10 rats arses about anyone's comments) My ears are still ringing because of the loud LOUD speakers! OOOOHHH there were baloons all over! That was fun! and some girl was popping them (shame on you!)... Now i was getting soberr-ish. Small p bought me water after the performance (praise him) and everything seemed to be almost normal...We got a cab and left. Yes There were other friends there but because of recent times and many realizations of who my real friends are i didn't bother with them... So we got a cab and left.

The cab story is funny. Well today it is, that night it was scary shit, shit! After i dropped small p home, the cabbie and i were going home and we got hit by another car, nothing serious thank goodness just a broken side mirror. That car sped off... So we chased after them!! THAT, was SCARY!!! South C and it's many corners... We caught up with it and made it stop. The couple driving the car were drunk, and they come from a very proud tribe (oh no) who will bring papadrama for you until you conceed defeat. These two wanted to beat us. YES! The stupid bitch and her husband wanted to get violent, ati they know cops as well.. The cabbie told me to go sit in the car, he'll sort it out. He was calling his bosses, and trying to get details of the other car. He didn't succeed. I got out to try readon with them but nothing! Got back in the cab again. The cabbie came to get a notebook and during the process, they sped off!!! imagine! so if anyone sees a WHITE TOYOTA PLATZ KBB 412M HOOT AT THEM AND SHAME THEM!!!! It's people like that who shame this country! Mind you i'm glad it wasn't a serious accident otherwise there would be drama in my life!

I got home at last. I even over paid the cab guy incase he has to fix the mirror himself. He was grateful. OH, i was using the funds for the battery but since i couldnt find it and this was an unmissable concert, it got spent. And i slept.

Now, the next day i had one crap hangover, the worst one this yea if possible. No throwing up. yaey.  I thought about last night and realize the cab incident was my second road accident this year. Thank God i'm still ok,alive and well...

I also realized that person y and i had a fight about me missing his calls on friday. How on earth can i answer a phone at a party and the phone wasn't even with me? it had gone round in giving people directions to the place. It really wasnt my fault. He was hurt. I said sorry. He didn't buy it. I got hurt, and he added salt to the wound by saying my argument that his messages, which were attacking in nature, was baseless. Then he's like "lets put it all behind us". I said ok. Then he went drinking yesterday, and i'm not amused because i thought he was making progress. I blame his friends. And his weakness. Some people just don't know when to stop... He hasn't talked to me since. I care about him! i was being firm with him and he totally dismissed me. Oh well, he'll find me when he wants to. For now i'm abit confused about him. I hope he gets better.

Okay lemme go finish ass-ignments, i didnt touch a single school book this weekend! Lord, i need more weekends like the one that passed.

|more than a dream-Pet Shop Boys|

Climate change: natures serial killer on the loose!


Yes there is a serial killer looking to kill nature. It has killed many ecosystems as we watch! The police can't do anything...but im sure we can!
I was prompted by a dear friend to blog about this... and i thank her because i LOVE nature!

And my dear mother nature is being threatened by global warming, specifically issues like climate change and pollution. HUMAN BEINGS!!!! Gay or straight, pollute the environment in such nasty ways, for example, a common occurence in Asia and Africa is the disposal of......condoms.

I'm not joking!

It's very disturbing to walk around, be it on a street, neighbourhood or even (shocker) a hill i recently hiked on! SERIOUSLY!!! I wish people would stop just throwing them out because those things are not organic. They don't decompose like dead plants and animals do. PLEASE dispose of them properly... I remember seeing a disturbing image of a homeless child blowing a used one like a balloon... the shame.

MACHINERY also pollute. those people who drive vintage cars without unleaded heads in their engines spout more CO2 than a stressed newspaper editor! change those heads, convert to cleaner fuel OR drive something modern! Old is gold yes, but sometimes Old is not best... I know, "they don't build them like they used to" (read the Mercedes Benz W124 series E-class; good car.) but seriously what of the environment? There wont be mucch nature in the next hundred years if your vehicles keep spewing CO2 and Sulphuric gases like that. The same applies for Industries. Industries Move economies, But, the never keep up with times in terms of machinery. The machines and industrial chimneys chug out lord knows how many tonnes of gases yearly, which puts a hole in my pretty atmosphere which makes the suns harmful ultraviolet rays enter planet earth and heat things up. i completely REFUSE to use those funny skin sun lotions that make you yellow in colour!!! Please powerful people of those heavy ndustries, upgrade your machinery to greener, more fuel efficient, less CO2 friendly things? Make machines and electronics that will benefit the environment. Speaking of cars, hats off to those buying electric/hybrid vehicles. As ugly, slow, and expensive to maintain some of them are, they save the planet! I wish we had petrol stations that could fuel cars built/converted for LPG or hydrogen. One day soon.

And then there are those people who cut down trees. I hate that. As much as they can be obstructions at times, at least plant two when you take one down! How would you feel if your legs were cut? thats how a tree feels! it is my belief that plants feel as well, despite not having a brain...THEY DO!!!
STOP CUTTING TREES!!! Some are really old and rare and your making forests vanish rapidly! Where will the animals live? source food? hmmm? They wont have a home. Not having a home is NOT cool!

PLANT TREES!!!! & pretty flowers... Be it in your back yards, graves, neighbours house, forest, top of a building, in Wangari Mathaai's rural area, wherever! When my family decides where to build the family home, i will plant jacaranda trees. And many others! Trees bring rain (supposedly) and they make good shade! Even fruit trees! Those ones give you yummy fruits...the name of trees: stop global warming!
There are organizations like greenbelt movement, green peace, WWF, UNEP etc that help in preventing global warming. I support them 100%, you ought to as well..

There are so many things i could write about...like how vegans produce more CO2 than an average, balanced diet human being. (how? those gases they emit from the behind. AHEM!!) But in general, i'm taking action by posting about global warming on behalf of blog action day and myself, and to all those who love and appreciate nature and who don't wanna see the earth become a red (or due to many soil profiles, multicoloured) like mars...

So in summary, stop polluting, plant trees and be nature friendly! It will save mother nature and planet earth and you'll make nature fans like me globally happy! The future generation depends on nature. Positive action today, Better tomorrow for future generations.

p.s i'm a tree hugger. I might have been a nature activist in my previous life...

p.s again: save planet earth!!!

Missing socks & dirty laundry coupled with student politcs shocker!!!

...I'm not joking! I've had all my pairs of socks get up and walk! They just vanished!

The pair i 'm wearing today, i hadn't seen them in over two weeks! I might have seen them in the laundry. Nope, they weren't there... I fail to understand how all my pairs of socks just got up and went... It's not my brother, he has enough. Nor is it my sisters, they rarely wear them... HMMMM.....
They surfaced this morning. Now on twitter there is an interesting topic/trend called #FAIL, where you rant about something and end it with that hash fololwed with the words fail in block capitals. So i bring that here. Socks magically disappear for two weeks and suddenly appear! #FAIL

On a slightly serious note, my laundry hasn't been done in over two weeks! i ran outta pants today. I'm in jeans that i've recycled twice! (Thank God for Americans, they knew what they were inventing when they had jeans in mind) TWICE! that houseboy/househelp (house technician for modern day, politically correct people, who have threatened me with labour law lectures and section 5 of the constitution of Kenya) has skived worked until prompt action in the name of a threatening note had to be done. In my home we communicate via notes because everyone leaves at various times. Now, cuppatea didn't go to a boarding school where laundry had to be done with friends. But i do know how to do them. I have to every time the "house technician" goes away somewherre i have to do my own. It's a tedious job. Jeans are the most tough of them all to wash! Anyhoo, i expect results of clean laundry when get home today. BY THE WAY, one of my t-sshirts got a hole in the armpit region! eek! How now? Now i have to go t-shirt shopping. I refuse o be seen with clothes that have random holes... Laundry not done for two weeks + clothes tearing. #FAIL

OH, did i mention i had to go to the shops early at the crack of dawn because there was no toothpaste? out of aaaaaaaall the things in the shopping list toothpaste wasn't there, meaning it got overlooked meaning someones last born (me) was sent to the kiosk at 5.58am! It was abit chilly this morning and i hadn't even finished my tea yet! #FAIL

On Saturday i went to the city. It was suprisingly less populated for a Saturday! I thought that despite it being a public holiday, it would have people. Now this was a perfect chance to go shop for a 2nd battery for the smartphone. It was a tedious task! NO ONE had my battery in stock. Phone express even. They told me go to westgate. I went with den den (D.D; thats his new nickname). You'd think i'd find it there, even at the official samsung mobile shop. Nothing! apparently it got phased out. (WHAT!) Samsung i320n's were sold by these people and supplied by these people... WHY don't they have it? I'm doomed. I might have to get someone toget it for me from ebay then i pay them. The cost isn't that much, i think i'm saving just 10 bob on it. Phone battery not stocked anywhere because of rarity. #FAIL

Speaking of public holidays, Moi day went by unnoticed. Hmmmm.... This time 10 years ago, Former President Moi used to give pomp speeches at the Nyayo stadium, attended by Ministers, Secretaries, diplomats and other delegates. Military fly bys, army parades, and the common public at large. It used to be televised live from 11am when the president would walk in. You know, i don't get why everyone was sooooo against his government. MONEY used to be there, circulating in his government, unlike this current, grafty government that has seen more scandals than both former administrations. So it was a quiet ordeal. The only highlight showing the old sir launching a walk or something... What will Kenyatta day be like? I really wouldn't be surprised if these holidays were De-gazetted. No one cared about Moi day #FAIL

I have school meetings with the clubs this week. When i ask something to be done i expect it to be done, because i'm vice-chairman and i have the clubs best interests at heart. Now, when an overly idiotic, insipid and bloody useless chairman is busy chasing women, i'm the one running things. Actually i run the club most of the time. So i oversee activities, but sometimes (or most) fellow officials just laaaaag behind with tasks given. I consider myself a proactive kind of person, moving ahead with things before the situation comes which brings last minute nonsense. So when they behave like cows, i have to do things either myself, or with my supporting officials (treasurer & projects coordinator), so imagine doing work like advertising which is someone else's task? shame. Then the chairman has the nerve to SUMMON me from a distance like a common mule? ATI NINI? Angalia huyo! I told him no, said if he wanted to see me he will walk up to me and not call me like some poor animal. (im sooo dropping that section of the constitution on him soon! I'm HUMAN) It bothers me that a chairman of a club who is never present, who never inputs, who never woks, still holds that position. Sad thing is he's charismatic in nature, especially with women. SO if snap elections were to come he'd win because he'd get people from lord knows where... Which is why i'm eyeing the vacant student council positions. I'm sure i'd turn things around in campus if i were there. Goodness politics is nasty business. Silly chairmen who don work leaves all the work to me #FAIL

I have a Math cat this Thursday. I'm seeing practical situations in which x has to be found, but it's still quite difficult to do. For me at least. Math was never my cup of tea. Even with positive attitudes towards it (like the one im trying to employ now) Doesn't work. Infact it's a miracle i landed in business management. Whoever said it didn't have math, LIED! So im spending my free time (this past hour aside) reading and practising. Good Lord let me pass that cat well! I need to. So that i dont fail the unit. pleeeeease? i'll even go to church if i pass! Imminent math cat on Thursday leaves a stressed human #FAIL

I've gone...

P.S i leave you with a video. Are you stressed, bored, tired of people's yaps, life in general? this song is just for you! Especially for sid kachumbari. It's the ting tings, A favourite duo of mine...
P.S again A BIG thanks to the person that got me Burberry cologne :)

Rumaging through the laundry: HIV/AIDS & media bias

The media is really at it this week.
Barely a day after i came across the BBC article about kenyans stocking up weaponry in preparations for the next elections, a story was put up in a local news paper, the East African standard.

Specifically it's inside magazine called the "pulse". Two journalists (I will name them to shame them!) Shirley Genga & Matilda Nzioki decided to do an expose. Oh, I got it as a link in an email which had high priority. Which is rare. No one sends me high priority mail.

Yeeeeeees, these two women decided to "investigate". They write about how straight people were invited to gay parties and left "traumatized", how some random writer invited a lesbian artist to watch her "have girl on girl action"... You know sadly this happens, but for queer friends. What lesbian would ask a straight guy that? Especially at his own house? FAKE! And then they write that she "used" him to get his fancy apartment as a venue for her "perversion".

As if thats not bad enough, they put up photos of guys who went to a party in drag, who by the way, are friends of mine! They dress straight during the day but gosh, now they've been exposed. Did these journalists consider what would happen to them after their photo was put up? I doubt it. What if their families and friends didn't know? I feel very sorry for them especially if violent incidents occur to them... Oh, the article had bad punctuation and typos. Did Mr editor go through it before it was published? hmmmm....

Ironic how this article came on the day of the HIV/AIDS forum. We discussed gays as well. It was a success! We had over 30 students get themselves tested for HIV. Myself included. If you look to the right of the blog you'll see an AIDS ribbon. It shows my support for people who have HIV/AIDS.
The test was very fast. Pricked on finger, rapid test slips and a counselor/tester. i'd always imagined various speeches would be given to me and they'd try and scare me about my possible status...nothing of the sort happened because they assume the public knows. They do. City ones at least. In the 10mins I had to wait I wasn't scared of the outcome. Infact I was busy getting fellow students into the auditorium. When I was called I walked in, was shown the slip.. One line. Relief. That means im negative. I was like "okay". No after speeches. though some people aren't as fortunate. They get two lines. HIV/AIDS.
It's out there, and an astonishing number of people are ignorant about it. I was asking fellow students to get tested. Some refused-scared of needles. Some were willing. Some just didn't want to. Over 50% of kenyans don't know their status.

AIDS is real and it kills. Ignorance is not bliss...

p.s. The title of this post was inspired by me. I had no idea what to call it, and it reminds me about my actions this morning---looking for a sweater in the laundry... Life.



Kenya clans 'rearm for 2012 poll'

Residents of the Mathare slum in Nairobi during riots in 2008
Tens of thousands were left homeless after the last election

Rival ethnic groups in Kenya who fought after the 2007 election are rearming in readiness for violence at the 2012 poll, a BBC investigation has found.

It is feared villagers in Rift Valley province are moving from traditional weapons such as spears to machine guns.

Government officials insist they are tackling the influx of illegal arms.

But they have been widely criticised for failing to punish the ringleaders of violence after the 2007 election, in which 1,300 people died.

A power-sharing government was formed in early 2008 to quell the violence.

It has been under international pressure to investigate the killings ever since, but its failure to organise a local tribunal has forced the International Criminal Court to step in to prosecute suspects.

Ethnic arms race

The BBC's Wanyama wa Chebusiri discovered arms dealers selling sophisticated weaponry in the Rift Valley - an area hard-hit by ethnic violence in early 2008.

Compared to guns, the arrows were child's play
Kalenjin man

One arms dealer told our reporter, for the Network Africa programme, supply was high and prices were low at the moment.

"Right now we have AK47 rifles for sale but there are times when we also sell G3s [rifles]," he said.

"In a month we sell more than 100 rifles."

Members of the Kalenjin community and their rivals, the Kikuyu - the country's dominant ethnic group - both said they were arming to protect themselves.

"We bought the guns because we hear the Kikuyu have also bought guns," said a Kalenjin man who declined to be named.

"Before we were using bows and arrows to fight the enemy but changed to guns following the post-election experience because we realised, compared to guns, the arrows were child's play."

A member of the Kikuyu community said he was not willing to "wait until 2012 to be killed".

"We have to arm ourselves. I did not acquire this gun to commit offences," he said.


For weeks after the 2007 election the two communities fought in bloody clashes.

Most Kalenjins had supported Raila Odinga, a member of the western Luo community, for president and were convinced he had been cheated of victory by President Mwai Kibaki, a Kikuyu.

After weeks of bloodshed, the two men formed a power-sharing government with the president keeping his job and Mr Odinga being brought in as prime minister.

But the UN has warned that a similar flare-up could occur after the 2012 vote unless Kenya strengthens its institutions and the perpetrators of the 2007 violence are punished.

Kipkorir Ngetich, of the Eldoret human rights group expressed similar fears and said his research backed the BBC's findings - that the communities are rearming.

"We are appealing to the government to investigate the matter because it is a time-bomb that will soon explode," he said.

Kenya's deputy minister for internal security, Orwa Ojode, said he was aware of the problem and had ordered the police to clamp down on the sales.

"We will definitely apprehend those who are behind the sale of illegal arms," he said.

He blamed the country's porous borders and its proximity to unstable states like Somalia for the influx of guns.


I'm disgusted that someone can write such a story that lacks credible evidence or sources! this story, is going to send ripples across kenya. It will reveal the scars that people have tried to heal after the 2007-2008 post election violence! How does the international community expect us to heal when they lash out such stories?

Someone is responsible for this and action needs to be taken very quickly. i'm very disappointed that a reliable media house that is the BBC can put up such...

Respect and Dignity

Views expressed in this post are my own. It does not reflect the opinion of others (much). So there...

The words Respect and Dignity as defined by dictionary.com:

1. a particular, detail, or point (usually prec. by in): to differ in some respect.
2. relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7. favor or partiality.
8. Archaic. a consideration.
–verb (used with object)
9. to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.
10. to show regard or consideration for: to respect someone's rights.
11. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.
12. to relate or have reference to.
13. in respect of, in reference to; in regard to; concerning.
14. in respect that, Archaic. because of; since.
15. pay one's respects,
a. to visit in order to welcome, greet, etc.: We paid our respects to the new neighbors.
b. to express one's sympathy, esp. to survivors following a death: We paid our respects to the family.
16. with respect to, referring to; concerning: with respect to your latest request.

–noun, plural -ties.
1. bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.
3. elevated rank, office, station, etc.
4. relative standing; rank.
5. a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.
6. Archaic.
a. person of high rank or title.
b. such persons collectively.

See how those two words go hand-in-hand?

Now, i've noticed that quite a number of gay people in the Kenyan society have ABSOLUTELY no respect for anyone or hold any dignity for themselves!
COME ON!! Just because you're queer doesn't mean you get to treat people like trash or think you're sooooooooo special you deserve special treatment... Angalia nyinyi! (look at you all!).

Recently i was with small p, and there is this character i just don't like, and no, its not because i think he's shady, its how he conducts himself, how he introduced himself to me and just every single aspect about him irritates me...
I told him point blank the other day that he has attitude issues. Unfortunately or fortunately for him, He's gone to USIU. oh oh. I dont have any issues with tha uni but he's going to get alot worse. I'm speaking ill of him but it's the plain truth. This is someone who asked me what i like in bed in the first message he sent me! STUPID INSIPID HUMAN BEING!!! ah ah! how dare he!?! It was last year but i still remember it like it was yesterday. so yes, i always tell small p i can't stand him. He concurs. This fellow has so much attitude, i don't understand how people tolerate him. Why do people feel the need to behave that way? Its an absolute shame.

...And he's not the only one. There is a certain clique of queens i've really tried avoiding for the loooongest time because of the same. They are misbehaving, som of them, when in an internet cafe, will view funny pictures (i mean underwear model men). its....crude. God and i thought i was crude about my being open with certain issues, these people take crude to an all new level. Goodness i know they're out but really? The kenyan society still isn't ready to have that much queer freedom. And i worry for them because of that! i wouldn't want to see or hear any of them being gay bashed because of their behaviour... which is why i stress so much on the issue of dignity. Even straight people don't go to public net cafes to view porn, those cafes have strict policies.

Back to the issue of respect. Friends really are supposed to respect each other. If someone has a view about an issue and feels free to air it, and someone opposes it, they SHOULD NOT make it into a bitch fight! Or severe argument to the extent one walks out...Is it that we're so out there and liberal that we feel free to conduct ourselves like that? i witnessed that recently. Not pointing out names. How do people move up ladders (social and corporate) with those flimsy attitudes? I'm thankful for the way i turned out because i think i command those two traits (dignity and respect) very well. If it weren't for the people i was raised around or socialized with i would be a.....ghai lets not go there...

Various social institutions teach etiquete on how to behave in certain situations. It's like pople forgot that when they left university and high school. Thats one of the reasons people go to school besides being taught various subjects. Why do you think you'd be beaten or get detention for making someone feelbad or for insulting your deskmate or for talking back to your teacher? People have forgotten. The question is, how do we tell them nicely? A very kenyan trait is that we will never tell you something bad about you in your face, unless we're drunk. OR, we beat around the bush until you get the point.

I know people don't change overnight, but i'd really like if people could just take a good look at themselves and treat others with dignity and respect. Hated or loved, Fat or thin, Smart or not smart, whatever the case just handle it with respect and dignity.

Because it goes a very long way in the end.


Would you like cake with that? (continued)

Here is the rest of what would have been one long arse post... Windows mobile is to blame.

Met up two friends K and tall F. Old friends of mine whom I rarely see... Tall F is going for a party that night which emo was hosting... Wanted me to go with him but naaaaah... wasn't up for it and my finances again... Extravagant p came as well. So did school boy M. I gave him a scarf I got for 30bob which was high quality fleece. He was so happy! It made me happy. We chatted and chatted and then some.. It was fun! It started raining. We were under a building and beside it a jacaranda tree.

Thats my favourite tree...

And it blooms in October. The African spring time. Its petals so blue and vivid, it"s dark brownish-black trunk and branches. Absolutely gorgeous! And when the wind blows petals fly with it. The wind. When it rains the petals drop with the rain, but slower.. Its absolutely elegant... It made me smile when I saw rain fall on the tree...

Back to reality, it was late and I had to go home. i'd seriously thought of going out because my brother was willing to help out...but the rain and the tiredness in me. Mind you my mother travelled so it was the best time to go out. But no. I stayed indoors. I slept by 10.30pm. The day ended with a soft drizzle outside pattering on those leaves... Dog sleeping near my legs. I didn't want to be anywhere else...

Sunday, today. I woke up and cut that cake. Gave my brother a piece. Then proceed to play video games on the computer. Then did term papers. 2 of them. In a record 4 hours! Edited and all, awaiting printing. Im pleased. Spent the afternoon relaxing. This game called burnout paradise on the PC, is an exhilarating one! I get to wreck vehicles and speed, without care. Stress relief! Later my friend I comes. Oh joy. I'm not amused with him. To sum it, he's more of a friend to my brother and sister than he is to me. 6 years of being friends with him. We have so many mutual experiences, friends, similarities, but no. he's drifted away. I tried to restore the old bond we had but... Anyway c'est la vie. Friends come and go.

Wiser and older. Thats what I am now...

|Spanish- Elton John|

Would you like cake with that?

I would.... I got a cake from my family! Vanilla & coconut.

Which I didn't get to cut until Sunday. Well, this weekend was a busy one for family. Random for me though. Mother dearest traveled, my sister as on the rave, with her clique.. My other sister doesn't recognize pagan events. Even her own. Damned Jehovah's witness religion... CAN YOU LOT GO REVIEW YOUR POLICIES!!! Primitive nyangaus... Yeeeeah so ill start now. Get a stiff drink for this one...

I took Thursday off. I'd got permission from all my lecturers so I was allowed. Though it felt wierd. And I didn't tell anyone at home... Why did I take thursday off? I was taking person y somewhere that I shan't discuss because its deeply personal and I feel it would infringe his privacy. Even though he doesn't know my blog exists... Ssshhhh! Anyway, it was a good day. Went places... I really really enjoyed it! Got home slightly tipsy. We made a very random cocktail! A minty one... Cooked then slept. Before I slept I prayed. Thanked God for all the things in my life. Thanked him for 20 years of existance, asked for another 20 more... That night I slept...

....And woke up the next day a year older. The first song I listened to was "the way it used to be" by the pet shop boys. I love their new album "yes"! Its really nice. Woke up, saw my sister who wished me a good one, saw my brother's note which he left for me telling me to tell emo to get a new hard drive for his laptop with a one liner happy birthday... My mum left the house early which left me stranded! Shit! I did not have ANYTHING!!! Not even 20bob to load airtime... So I sat and thought.... Then the phone rings. T calls to wish me! My first phone call for the day....well almost. Another friend called me at midnight... Missed that call. Its for that reason I turn off my phones at night! I made a plea for airtime. I got! Yaey. Though the previous night I took an airtime advance from a service provider and OH MY GOD THEY ROB PEOPLE!!! Do NOT ever borrow airtime from that company...because when you top up, they deduct. And you can only call within that network. They even have a service charge. Very smart marketing there by the way. For Desperate callers...

Anyway, got calls... T came! So did emo and fabulous M. Whom apparently is going through some bitchy phase who'd clashed with emo.. A cat fight nearly broke out in my room! Oh, they picked my outfit to wear for the day. That was rather funny! So emo was determined to take me out for the day. Who spends a birthday at home? >>speed to town>>

In town we met up with diplomatic s and M. Lunch at that nice restaurant I love so much... And I finished! I felt wierd though not paying. I get this from dads tribe. It was reeeeeeally uncomfy when everyone was wondering who'd pay my bill... At that restaurant we met diplomatic's friends. Funny couple... Anyway, that same day there was an album launch by just a band. Of course I wanted to go, they are good friends of mine and I participated in a video of theirs... But money money money mooooooney..... Where would I get? A would help. Or not. he's been acting funny for a whole month now, even on chat he's off. My text message was blatantly ignored. Or maybe he was busy? No it was definately ignored because he texted me that morning. I would pay him back, I wrote in that text. Promised even. He would have got it back today. But yes, I was ignored. Small p tried to help but he had issues with his mobile banking system. Really, it wasn't lots, i'd just needed cab fare. Its expensive from westlands to where I live.

I was supposed to lend me some but to no avail. Seriously it was 8pm, the gig was starting at 10, and no one could help. Emo said he'd pay for me... I was soooo happy....until the time to go came. Apparently they were getting a ride. And the car was full. "just go" I said. I gave up looking. Spec D said life's like that. He was there... So I went home. Upset. I wont lie. I was upset. Even boo (should I call him that instead of person y?) tried to make me feel better through sms. It helped abit... So i Got home. Texted my mum saying she's the best mum ever. She really is! Then before i slept, i talked to God again. Thanked him. Again. You know the funny thing is, life never stops teaching you lessons. So much for real friends eh? The most kimbelembele, proud or just wierd friends are probably the ones who care most. How long you've known them doesn't matter i realize. In August I met b. Whose in the states in uni now but he's such a good friend.. A i've know for slightly over 3 years. Wow. So fuck it. I've learned not to depend on others. Shit will most certainly occur. "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." Murphy's law.

My mum came from a dinner. She woke me up to wish me a happy birthday. Then we chatted... She wondered why I was home and she gave me permission to go out. Said I didn't have money. "you should have told me." I did. She forgot. she's not young and she has her stresses too.. Its also her birthday, because she gave birth to me! Wish your mothers happy birthday when your birthdays come round... They pushed you out with pain... They deserve credit too...

Saturday.... Was a nice day. Still broke but got like 3 pounds to do transport around the city.. Woke up early to take a friend shopping in gikomba. I really like her! she's outgoing and she, like me, takes her time shopping! So from 8am to 2pm we were in the market. Explored, looked... Some parts I hadn't seen before. When you have time you see things or places that have been there but never caught your eye... I got 4 scarves. 3 for me and one for school boy M. Its his birthday this week...and he deserves something for all his effort he's been putting into reading... OH one of my scarves is a united colours of benetton one. Lucky me! I gave my bag of that label to my classmate who cant get a bag soon after hers tore. Shes from up country and it seemed a nice thing to do. I dont like seeing my friends suffer.. Anyway. we went back into the city and had lunch at that restaurant... It was real nice. In the afternoon after she left, I went back to the meeting spot to send some texts, i'd thought of going home early snce I didn't have anything to do in the city. I would go and work on term papers. Shock on me...

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