This year i met some people that are just amazing! Small p, b, fabulous m, big p, cousin and a number of others, old friends with bonds made stronger... I've had some random moments with them!
Matters pertaining the heart...this year taught me lessons, like how one shouldn't go to a guys place for a first date, how you don't go chasing after someone because they'll date you for convenience... I learned quite abit. Harsh lessons but useful. I'm much wiser now. Will i find love in someone in 2010? I have absolutely no idea! I'm off men for the moment. But hey lemme not say anything...time will tell.
Educationally speaking the year was TOUGH! GHAI! But i'm told thats university for you. I've learned useful topics in the field of management that i'll use later in life. I still have 3 more years of learning... Let 2010 be a more successful year for me educationally speaking! I want A's and B's! And my results come out next week and this semester thats gone by was like so hard! I hope i passed...
Then there's you, my small audience. I didn't think anyone was interested in reading about a young gay guy's life...but shock on me! I get mails of support! And the occasional hate mail which i've known how to handle. I thank you all so much for going through the year with me! I hope we do the same in 2010...
Finally i thank a celestial God for keeping me alive this year. As much as i'm sceptical about religion i know he's out there. Thank you God for 20 years of my life! And for the year. You rock!
As for now, i'm going to end the year in a most, um, random manner. I'm sneaking out of the house to go to A & T's place where a small get together is happening. Ok my brother and the ayah know i'm going. But still, under mother dearests nose? I see my sister do this, so i hope i can as well.... Pray i don't get busted!
To 2010 and beyond!
Apparently there are two versions, one thats about a scientist and a writer and the world ending, and another one being a documentary of sorts. Obviously i watched the more popular one! This film was really captivating! The visual effects were excellent and the screen play was quite good. The story line was rather dramatic, each time something bad happened, you'd think things would get better right? HEEEEEELLL NO!! What! things just kept on getting worse! There was a questionable part though. Hoow in God's name does an Antonov An-124 lift off from a broken runway, and plunges into volcanic depths, and still rotates and flies away? Full of cars mind you? Aaaaaiiiii those producers lied over there. Anyway sceptisms to myself aside, great film. Will the world really endure shifting tectonic plates, reverse polarization of the poles, great tidal waves? Extinct super volcanoes erupting? Random earthquakes? Bentley's that are voice activated? Only time will tell. I pray the mayans were wrong.
He's just not that into you
Sad but true. Some sections of this movie were just abit true for all sexes, gay inluded (even if they didn't mention it). The movie looks into the lives of several people and their social lives. And love lives too. Now i found some sections abit TOO OBVIOUS! Like how the guy advices the lady about guys and then they end up falling in love? really? Good laugh though. This made it on to the Tyra show at one point. I watched it twice because yes, when a guy doesn't call, or you keep chasing after him and he has no interest, then really, he's just not that into you!! I learned it the hard way two years ago. That, ma cheris, is a story for another day.
Okay clearly i'm into epic films about geological earth problems. Nicholas cage is in it! And for once he's not being a cheesy assassin in Bangkok (that city's name...hmmm) or a mafia person (face off?). Here he plays a professor from MIT, who's son finds a paper from a time capsule that the son's school put 50 years ago, which he finds relevant because it has the dates, exact nautical positions and amount of deaths disasters will have. Or had. And then, his friend doesn't believe him much, the son starts to hear whispering, seeing odd men behaving like freaky stalkers.... There were some great scenes like the subway wreck wherre, where you have a first person's view of the train running over people (cool!) and the plane crash on the highway (that was great) that crashes and blows up! The professor meets a woman who has a daughter that can also hear the whisperings, and blah blah blah the try to run, and then they end up together and then the woman dies because of her foolishness... The children were kidnapped by these en, who turned out to be aliens! I saw that coming. Then the children end up going with the aliens. Apparently the people who heard whispering were the "chosen ones" which means the dad didn't go. The children werre taken to another planet along with many other chosen one's to start life anew. And the professor? Oh he got his dusty arse incinerated by the sun's giant solar flare that engulfs like 4 planets-earth included. I recommend this movie!
Transformers 2: revenge of the fallen
This was by far a really cliche movie! The storyline was so predicatble.... i was not surprised. Great visual effects though! Oh, it has a terminator-like woman alien that i thought was a steal! But i liked the battle scenes... and the part of optimus dying early was really cool! Shame about his rebirth but then again he IS the star of the show... anyway its quite good, it's "visually "stimulating".
My favourite Cell phone 2009: Nokia E72
This was my favourite device! It has everything! A standard 3.5mm headphone jack, GPS, wifi, optical key, made of metal, HSPDA, excellent screen, stable software, 5 megapixel camera, wonderful keyboard.... its just brilliant! Its a smart phone that runs symbian so multitasking is a breeze...not to mention emails. And T has one! in Bronze! i think it looks better in black. I wish i could have one of these! i wouldn't worry about getting another phone for like 3 years! Sigh... IT LOOKS HOT!!! And it's just really classy!
My favourite Laptop 2009: Acer Aspire one
This laptop has been a huge success globally! msinly because it offers so much at such a small size. And its price! I use the most basic model AOB110 and its quite a performer! It weighs a kilo and its build quality is quite good. The prices are fair too! I really thought of making the timeline series my favourite but those prices.... BUY THIS!!! If your duties are work and internet based why go further?
My favourite Music Player: Ipod Touch 8gb
My favourite digital camera 2009: Sony Cyber-shot HX1
My favourite Albums were:
The fame monster by lady gaga! this album came out recently, late november. I love it! it combines "the fame" with "monster". My favourite songs from it are "Alejandro" and "dance in the dark". Some songs remind me of human league (of "don't you want me baby" fame) and Depeche mode. If you don't have this album, You are surely missing out! It's downright fun! And danceable! And COOL!
The Pet Shop Boys Yes album, this is an amazing album! It's very danceable... and it has nice, upbeat tunes to it and lyrics that make sense! "did you see me coming", "more than a dream" and "all over the world" ruled my playlists! And don't you just love their album cover? Minimalist! This album greets you really nicely... And i JUST CAN'T STOP DANCING TO IT!!!
ATB's future memories. You may see quoted lyrics in some posts from some of his songs. He's a chillout-trance artist. This whole album is just interesting... it's very different fro otherr trance artists. I loved "my saving grace", "my everything", "a new day", "what about us", and "when i miss you". Go download this! i guarantee you won't be disappointed!
Just a band! It's amazing that i know them personally. This album, like their previous one "scratch to reveal" impressed me alot. Original, is te word that describes it! For kenyan music this is just amazing. Its Modern. It reminds me of fashion, especially music thats played during a fashion show runway! It's just very nice. "Extra", "Usinibore", "uko mbele" and "stay" are the tracks i listen to most. BUY IT! Not only are you building the Kenyan music industry, but you're exposing 3 cool guys even more!
Mine certainly was. To an extent...
25th! Christmas morning. Naturally the bathrooms would have traffic, People would be awake early and super cleaning would be done. The house was spotless, meals on the cookers, people all over the place. My help wasn't needed so after freshening up i was in my room just, relaxing. I knew mayhem would come later when al my relatives, who arrive in convoy, would come. And just like that, they all came. Noise. Children! EEEK!!!! Before long the house was noisy, relatives all over the place....
26th. Boxing day. No boxes to put away but LOTS of cleaning up to do. Mind you i had insomnia the previous night. It is very annoying to be drunk, tired and then you can't sleep!!! i woke up at 3am. Hangovered and horny. This is the second time this month i've woken up that way. Its not the drought i've had for four months (yes D was the last person who did me)! I seem to think it could be stress or something. So i listened to music. Maybe lighthouse family and Enya would make me sleep? no? ATB or shakira? Beyonce? still?? I was awake until 5.30am. I even heard the Mosque near home blare prayers twice. At least i slept... Woke up at 9am. Still feeling abit hangovered. The time awake at night seemed to nurse most of it. Anyhoo, I woke up, helped clean up and that was that. I went back into the room, and watched robot chicken and ultimate avengers! I love animations... In the evening, i watched this movie called Knowing. It was fantastic! my mum and small cousin found it abit boring though. I didn't! i liked the whole mystery to it! AND, they show the world ending! I'd recommend that movie to anyone.
Today, the 27th, Was pretty much a repeat of yesterday... Except it's a Sunday that feels like a Monday, I don't have much to do which probably explains why i'm writing this post. How did you spend your Christmas? I hope you all had a blast! Now i'm thinking of new years resolutions... hmmmm....
|You are my diamond-Tiesto|
It's that time when people make lots of food, buy random gifts, get mysteriously drunk and have silly little arguments about silly things. Last year at home someone argued over who was taking photos. It ended with "you're making me look fat in the photo".. Christmas also brings family together! And lovers. Christmas sex must be a drunken one in most cases. See why they're many September babies? mmmh hmmm..... The gifts! what's a Christmas without gifts? No matter how small they may be the thought still counts...even if its a hug!
It's Not always about santa... It's the Jesus's birthday! So say an extra prayer and thank God he was born, because we wouldn't have this holiday with us right? Gift giving symbolizes how the 3 wise men that followed a moving star (if 3 men followed a moving star todayy they'd be following a sattelite. it looks like a dimly lit star at night that moves)gave gifts to the newly born Jesus. So give a gift! Again that hug still counts!
Do i believe in both of them, santa and Jesus? Well, my dad always told me santa's not real... a later investigation proved that statement to be true when i saw some guy dress up in santa clothes at a mall when he thought no one was looking. But ssshhhh, don't tell the children just yet... Due to religious...erm...yeah, i shan't say a thing concerning Jesus...
So my dear readers and fellow bloggers, i would like to wish y'all a very merry Christmas! Have fun, be blessed and make merry! This is the only time you can get drunk or do silly things and blame it on the occasion! =)
p.s pray this doesn't happen or small children won't be the slightest bit amused...
So T and sir J were planning a dinner, of which i was more than happy to help out with because boredom at home was getting to me... So on Thursday we ran all over the place getting the ingredients. At the butchery, the turkey and lamb chops were got...funny scene; the butcher was holding the bag of meat like it had nothing, and when he gave it to me NATURALLY i thought it would weigh the same... I dropped like a stone....and quickly got up! that was abit embarrassing.. because the whole shop saw that! (I need to get fit!). After that we went to westgate for lunch. Security blocked us because they thought we were hawkers (really? two guys with designer bags, abit of shopping and looking casual is a hawker?) of which we weren't amused.... But the minute T spoke they apologized and let us in. Still wasn't cool though. Anyhoo we went and ate at artcaffe then left after we had lunch. The cab driver home was a lady! Liberation to all women who can work wherever! And the taxi rank guys were quite amused when we didn't want a beat up cab. "would you like an unmarked vehicle?" we were asked, which is how we landed with the lady cabbie. It was a good day, the heat has returned to Nairobi... it didn't help my sunburn i got from the hiking trip...
Friday came and i had to go to A & T's early... I was going to attempt to help out. First thing i notice when i get there is that the turkey and all its kilos had defrosted. my task? make stuffing by cutting one and a half loaves of bread into small inch sized thingies... That being done we moved to fabulous M's house, which is where sir j decided to host the party... Fab m seemed to be moody (im used to it) but he helped out by making some fab pork chops! T was starting to get abit stressed.. I was busy baking those little breadlets... Then S and his boyfriend F came, which was a pleasant surprise. Naturally we couldn't talk much because everyone was all over the place. Luckily the turkey was in the oven and now baking... I'd invited B btw. Yes that one who went to study in the states who sent me the post card who's around for the holidays (yaey) he came over abit later after getting lost. I had to go get him. I'd really missed him! When we got back, we found sir j and his friends there already. It was abit awkward because i'd never seen those two friends before. Anyway i introduced b and catching up needed to be done! We chatted lots! 3 months apart meant lots of stories... As we chatted, fabulous M's roomie came, called P. Big P ill call him because he's way older than me. He was going to make rice. Then b had to leave so i gave him a push. When i got back chatting resumed. Soon it was time for dinner. By then, s and f had to leave... but the turkey looked great! mmmmm.... Servings were being done... Oh another friend, k, came over, I hadn't seen him all year long! He looked hot... in official wear. Now after dinner there was this mood of drinking, and im told spec d was bringing drinks. But before that a gilbeys gin was broken open.. (yuck! gin is soooo.... ) and one toast later, it begun. This dinner was kinda like a gay guys thanksgiving dinner, because we toasted to friendship and to life. a few minutes later, Girl k came! missed her lots! without her a party is never a party... Stories were really flowing! This random drink called Bombay sapphire was brought. This is where things get interesting. All i can remember is seeing 47% on the bottle. After that everything is blank until the next morning....
...Where i woke up with a KILLER headache! aaaaaaiiii! And a wierd thing, i was horny. Interesting... My body was feeling hot... Im looking at the clock, its 6am. Where am i? this wasn't my room...This was T's room. Mind you my head was spinning! then it hit me, I was still high and i was NOT at home... oh boy. I blacked out again. I woke up at 8am, to go to the loo, and i still felt high! there was a yucky taste in my mouth too... What happened? I look into the living room and i see T and Girl K sleeping... I was still staggering! back to bed then... I woke up at 10am and couldn't sleep no more...I was terribly hangovered and i felt like shit! I went to the kitchen to make me some black coffee.... Then i started remembering things, like random chatting, dancing, d.d and intelligent d, S's sister and.....vomit. Bloody hell i actually threw up! *#??!!*** FUCK!! that's the second time in life i've thrown up while pinting! I think i had too much protein in my system because that happens when i eat too much meat!! Oh no... Luckily there wasn't any on me clothes... So black coffee then. No milk, didn't want to throw up again. In the sitting room A and K are awake. They were so amused with me... They said that i got silly drunk because i hadn't mixed my gin (no one was) and that i threw up, threw a tantrum and that they wouldn't let me go home in that state. Apparently this was in the middle of the night before other people started coming, and according to them i missed out on dancing, random make out sessions and coupling. Doesn't sound like much to me... Apparently intelligent d, d.d and some others i don't know came. I was high over the moon, i couldn't and still can't remember anything. How peculiar...
So that day Saturday was spent recuperating from the 2nd worst hangover this year, aching body and a splitting headache. We went to see big P and fabulous M later. We shared many stories... by this time the hangover had lifted...but i was still feeling groggy. A, who missed the party, came in the evening. Apparently there were plans to go out but they were dashed. Meanwhile i had to get my arse home, i knew i was in trouble. On the way i was looking through my text messaging history and apparently i sent a drunk, but clean, text to my brother saying i may not come home that night. Damn right that sms was. My mum wasn't home that evening but luckily everyone else was. I didn't say much, just expecting drama. Drama never came. Emo did though, apparently there were no matatus. So we talked lots... Seems i'm currently not the only one with issues. My mum came at 9 something pm... in a not normal state. I was lucky she didnt say anything, apparently the neighbour invited her over for a bottle, not glass, of wine. It felt soooooo good to be in bed! Sunday would be abit boring i knew.
True to my word it was. My mum was giving me those moods of hers whenever she's cross with anyone. Experience: avoid avoid avoid! at least i said sorry.... Anyway i lounged in my room most of Sunday.
Yesterday, monday, i got to go shopping for office wear for formal occasions. My good friend N, whom ill call doc because she just graduated med school, accompanied me around. She was shopping for duvet covers and pillow cases, as well as shoes. We had gone to gikomba (i will never buy a duvet brand new after the ones i saw) and toi markets. Toi's become expensive ever since Karen people and diplomats found out about the deals there.... By the way clothes for guys are just expensive!!! Its soooo unfair... Then again my taste is quite different. all the stuff i got were slim fitting. I got home feeling very accomplished! Retail therapy is great...
So far that's it. I know Christmas is on Friday, and new years the next Friday. A dedicated post coming right up...
Yesterday was a good day, i was seeing small p and co for the last time this year. Before that i had to go get my ID processed (finally) in the westlands place. Sadly, i had to take my fathers name. EVEN THOUGH I WAS ASKED WHAT NAME I WANTED TO USE. my brother (older obviously) was there and he insisted on taking my dads name. (refer to the ting tings' song called "thats not my name) I tried to object one last time but nothing. Lets just say the rest of the process was, um, random... How? well lets see, they took the photos by hanging a blotted white bed sheet. Two people that were also due to take photos were told to hold it up (really? how shady), i was yelled at by stupid officials when they were calling out my name (they were saying a totally different name! everyone thought so as well until he pointed at me) where i corrected them by saying "that is not my name, my name is written here and the man was pronouncing it wrong which made it sound like a totally different name so dont fault me". I was told priorr to the process to not speak until i'm spoken to. However i just HAD to correct that! I was done. When we were leaving i was in a foul mood, and my brother was just making fun of me.... sadly i have to go to government offices soon again (tax pin, drivers license etc) and I'M NOT looking forward to it.
I get home later yesterday evening. Apparently, an empty can of beer (shit) was found (oh boy) so i was "talked to". My mum wanted to know if it were mine or my sisters (it was so mine, from Saturday) and from her mood things would get abit out of hand. "it was part of trash we were cleaning up from mt longonot..." said i. Where that came from i don't know... But Lord knows it worked (i think). Today morning i cleared out my closet for anything remotely damaging. T's ciggs, and the remaining can of booze, because i strongly suspect that people in the house especially my small cousin have been going through my things which explains how that empty can was found (i was going to dispose of itan an appropriate time i.e when no ones around). I'm just abit appaled that in my home there is no privacy or respect of privacy! I'm angry and upset at the same ttime. I know to an extent it was my fault for not throwing that can away sooner but really? to dig in my closet? Nonsense.
Then My family never seems to remember my friend's names. This is getting irritating. Oh and they seem to have a problem with them? I'm looking into this. Something tells me very soon there is going to be a confrontation in this home of mine. I really hope it gets sorted out. Then, i know this is fickle but i have to point it out (in a way). My mum is rewarding everyone in the house except me yet i do hard work just as well as others. They have the same levels of freedom, i dont. They are respected when it comes to privacy, i am not. And quite frankly i've had enough! I'm going to reward myself (somehow). Yes, ill talk to them about it but the question is HOW?
Anything good? Yes. I got some sort of freelance job writing reviews about anything technological. Its going to be on a random website later. No pay though. Just something for fun.. It will keep me busy and improve my writing skills. Maybe i'll be a columnist one day? hmmm...On that note of keeping busy, i confess that i've bee keeping myself busy so as not to think about the issues bugging me in life (read matters pertaining the heart). I just don't know how to address them at this time. But very soon i will... I also got to go to central/uhuru park yesterday. With a newspaper, steak pie, and music, i lounged for two hours. It was very peaceful and the weather was rather nice too. I should do it with company next time.
Despite all this i'm thankful i'm alive and kicking... To you as well, Be thankful, despite all your issues, that you are alive and well. Others never get a chance to see tomorrow... so live life!
I was prepared for the break up (i'm NOT convincing myself) and yes, i'd feel sad and discontent after but i really didn't want it to last long. So how did i cope? I did a number of activities that included attending a concert and climbing a mountain. yup, you read right, a mountain.
So Friday saw me attending this random benefit concert in Lavington called soul for soul. It was a cancer benefit concert and the cancer organization CATSI were launching their website. It was at the Nairobi International School (NIS) and i went with fabulous M. Lately we've been getting along really well! And we share common interests. So i went to his place, then we went for coffee in town, then we went for the concert. At the concert we got there to find them still setting up the stage (they delivered the equipment to the wrong school i was told) and sitting arrangements for non-VIP's would be done manually. Hmmmm. "i pray there's wine." i told Fab M. There was. Oh by the way, gothic, Intelligent D, Singer A, emo, and some random others were there as well. Oh joy. I really wanted the concert to be just us but they kinda included themselves in. The concert started late. Some of the artistes had left because they had other gigs to attend to. We left because we got bored. Some of the performances were great but not to our liking. So Fab M called a cab and off we went, homeward bound.
The next day, Saturday, i was to go hiking! On that same day the kinanda arts festival, where south African band Freshly ground were to perform (yaey) but i'd decided to go for hiking. I love hiking and for 1500 for a standing concert (no seating) i thought it was just TOO expensive! Besides i have both their albums. Its just the same way i always miss Oliver Mtukudzi's concerts...sigh. Anyhoo, Hiking it was. I had slept like at 1am friday night (noisy mum and cousins coupled with insomnia) and i had to wake up at 6am to be in the city at 7am to shop for food so that i could meet the hiking group at 8am. While shopping i picked out lots of liquids including two cans of Bavaria beer for celebrating later (really after climbing a mountain i would deserve one) so after shopping i went and met them. African timers the whoe lot of them. AND they were a Christian Union group! How could i NOT know that? Well during the launch of Picha Mtaani one of the workers was organizing the hike and invited me. So No beer would be drunk till i got home that night. We hired a matatu and off to the rift valley we went! By the way these guys and ladies were hilarious. I have no problems with religious groups. We got there and WOW, it looks stunning! There was another team coming from the small cosmo town of Nakuru so we had to wait for them before we begun the hike. They came. In a noisy fashion. So introductions were made and the hike begun! I made a new friend, a girl. She helped, because the my bag was heavy and there were near vertical wall of stone that needed climbing! My goodness i nearly blacked out after the first steep hill! it was tough... After that other hills got worse. Though as it got higher the more motivated i was to go see the top! But those rocks and inclines! Toughness. After an hour and a half we made it. The views from the top were simply breathtaking and beautiful!!! It was wind but quiet, And one side had a storm, the other side was sunny. I was in awe... So the girl and i rested. Then plans of walking around the top (its an extinct erupted volcano) and i was soooooo excited! We went round. That caldera is HUGE! Down there in the pit was vegetation. You know from a sanding point of view it looked like a short walk but it wasn't. there were hills to climb and the path was narrow. And there was a race. Yes, other hikers from lord knows where came and had a competition of "who can climb, go round and descend first" and my goodness, people certainly have energy! We met a senior Danish couple too... It made me happy to see octogenarians hiking with such gusto! It motivated me. We went round in two and a half hours. At the end of it i was so pleased! I felt complete, triumph and joy at the same time. I did something few get to do in their lifetime! I did wish i had a DSLR camera (i dislike compacts) the photos taken by my phones didn't do justice to those views.
We started the descent at 5pm and were at the foot in a little over half an hour. We saw antelopes as we went down... and giraffes. During descent another storm was forming and we really didn't want to be caught up with it... So quickly we descended, stopping for two minutes to let our knees and thighs recover. Ngong hills is a joke compared with that place! We finally reached down, and we rested while we waited for the others to reach. When everyone arrived, we said a prayer and then proceeded back into the matatus to head home. It started raining right after that prayer which to me was a blessing. in Africa rain after a prayer is a blessing. And away we went! My body was on fire! Luckily the chairs were comfy and the ride smooth.
I got home at around 8pm, ate and slept. I''d shower the next day, i was waaaaaay too tired to stand. even for 5 minutes! Before bed i popped open my beer and drank it. What a great day that was! I promptly slept. And good sleep that was....
....Because the next day, Sunday, my body hurt! Even after a looooong shower nothing! Those hills and rocks and heat saw my thighs, knees, legs, back, arms and hands hurt... and the back of my neck was sunburnt! ouch! I rested that whole day, and even slept through the afternoon... I didn't do much but talk to some friends. Small p is going away with his family soon, m got a job, that yummy guy from the last coffee meet also went...its going to be a wuiet few days until my other friends fly in. What will i do? Well, today i watched 2 marvel cartoon movies; Wonder woman and the avengers. I also watched 007 James Bond-quantum of solace (what a shit ending!). I'd also had Ubuntu Netbook edition installed on the little blue guy. Its much more functional than that shitty linpus OS that shipped with it..
I successfully felt better after such a weekend, i still do. Slowly but surely i move on with life. Christmas is around the corner once again... Lets see what it has in store for me.
Breakups are not easy. They never are (unless you're a cold hearted beast). Person y surfaced yesterday. I had to send tempest and other people in his law campus to look for him. True to my word i was actually being ignored. Why? He said his phones were stolen and that he needed to go focus on life and other things. He didn't bother to find another phone (he can get one so easily) or use someones phone to call me.
So he shut me out. I won't lie, i've been worried about him. For me to have people look for him, that was something. And you know what? He never even bothered to tell me he'd gone. No indication. So not only was i stood up last wednesday, he totally brushed me off! He told me after the arguments we had he.... Yes. Dot dot dot was the answer i got. Those four periods is what he wrote back. Oh he still doesn't have a phone so all this was via email. Which i didn't want to do. I'd wanted to meet him to tell him my thoughts in person. He refused and said he wanted to do via that medium.
So we talked. He said he felt like he's losing me. I told him he lost me a long time ago. Which is true. That last argument about him being complicated was just the last straw. (i mourned by watching sex and the city the movie and eating gargantuan amounts of food) anyway i told him he's just not the same person i met. He's different, in the sense that he just works up on the smallest things, he's not there when i need him....And He's locked me out of his life and i just couldn't be with such a person anymore.
''i'm leaving you not for someone else, but for my heart. I'm scarred, hurt and tired. I'm sorry but i can't be with you anymore''. Those are the words i told him. You know he wasn't emotional which means he'd been expecting this because he was like ''thanks for giving me the best weeks in my life, your special, don't change...'' Etc its like he wanted me to leave him. You might think i'm being dramatic, sadly no. That was the tone i got from those messages. So it ended mutually. He's going to be keeping in touch. Which i really wonder if he will?
I'm abit sad, but thats life for you. My way forward with life is random. I'm going to a club thats been there for the longest time. The kenya branch is quite vibrant, if not abit hazardous. Its a club where anyone is welcome. People mingle with each other and can decide to stay there or move on when they think its time.
Its called the singles club! Time i signed for my tenure there. I think i'll take the VIP room. I shan't be bothered there.
|i could be your consolation, if you be my saving grace----->ATB-my saving grace|
I love watching the clouds go by. It makes me feel relaxed. Everyone in my home is asleep so im alone. I can't sleep. Television is boring. Books are dull tonight. So i'm outside with my lover that is nature. Do you ever take time to appreciate the world you live in? I do. This is my way of marvelling at such wonderful scenes that are there all the time but people rarely notice.
The clouds have gone momentarily and I can see the sky now. Its black with stars. I see Mars shining a dull red-silver. I see Orion, I see the big dipper, and I can see the north star. Now the clouds are back... And they're being blown by that wind so quickly... So elegant. I find peace and great pleasure watching the clouds and stars. When im down or troubled its my form of therapy on a day like today, I feel abit down. Its the reason I can't sleep.
Enough for now. I should clear my mind and marvel at this beauty...
|au diable nos adieux-zazie|
On thursday i woke up at my normal hour (5.30), my alarms were still on. Made tea for the siblings then went back to bed. I spent that day relaxing and tidying my room. Very peaceful. Ok except the noisy new tanzanian ayah and my eldest sister chatting loudly like old indian women (i'm to endure a month of this? Hell no!) generally peaceful day.
Then on friday i went to the concrete jungle that's nairobi cbd. Why? I wanted to meet small p and m we catch up! It was nearly a month since last i saw them! (how i survived i don't know!) i inboxed small p asking him not to tell tempest. I DO NOT WANT DRAMA!! Not after that last incident. We've appointed savanna to be our new tea/coffee joint. I've always liked that place, even before it got known. I invited cousin as well. He's back from southern africa so it was a great idea to catch up with him. Before that though i had to wait for people to arrive and in that period i met emo and fabulous s. And our tall lady friend. Small talk, card shopping and walking all over was slightly fun. I met my sister and her new man (who is cute! Ok no thou shall not lust after another womans man!) then i had to go meet small p. Needless to say we had fun! M had gone for various graduation parties and was stuffed. Oh, small p has this guy friend of his (queer) who's really nice! In all aspects (except bed, yet to find out LOL!) AND he grew bigger since last i saw him! Hmmm... So coffee was had, with hilarious conversations that were fun! That's how i enjoy company! And i didn't get sugar high on coffee. Yaey me! Again, earlier that day i went to the post office and recieved a postcard from b. Remember him from august? The new friend i made whom i found totally amazing? He's in the states. I was very touched! When i left the post office i was smiling from ear to ear! :) THANKS! (he'll read this i know)
Now, saturday was just amusing. I woke up to find the family awake, and i sat down to have tea. By now y'all should know i live in a 'conservative' family. Anyway somewhere along the conversation the topic of my hair being long (it is!) came up. I dared to say i was going to shave it after i go process my national id. I'd leave the middle unshaven, i'd said. ''what?'' my mum asked. ''yeah, i never do anything fun with my hair and its the holidays and i think its nice!" i said. She must have thought 'devil child' because the reaction was sooooo, um, panicky and strict! "NO, don't! You won't dare you do that you'll see.... Etc etc etc''. She rambled and lectured me... And my mood dwindled. OH BY THE WAY i was broke. My dad (again) withheld my monthly allowance because i wanted to go to some random town for my friends grad party. So no chance of cash. I had to dig into my savings (i haven't decided what i'm saving for) to get fare. Which i've totally replaced!
Anyhoo s calls me after a long time! He wants me to visit. Great idea! I went. A and T came. That day matatus where nowhere to be seen, so a cab did the job. We all went for pizza later (i'm going to be dimensionally challenged sizewise by the time the new semester starts) and a few drinks later we went back to s's home. I slept over. It was fun! Ish. No electricity because of a district wide blackout. But fun still.
I had to go home early the next day because i was going for training. On a sunday. For volunteer work i was doing for my friend's organizations launch the next day. Ushering would be my job. I enjoy working with people (i think so. As long as i'm not convincing them to buy anything i'm good). That evening my mum came back with my bratty small cousin who'll be here until after christmas. Oh my goodness!!! I don't like small hyper bratty kids! They make me stressed easily and i have to be firm with them and play with them and.... I will attempt to survive through this! Yes i can!
Somehow the next day, after getting to the city early, being split into squads, i ended up supervising the other ushers even if one was assigned to do that (they weren't doing that) and handing out questionares and talking to people about national reconciliation and how they got affected by the post election violence two years ago. It's interesting what people's views were. I learned lots. The organization is called picha mtaani and they were showcasing photos taken by a reknowned kenyan photographer Boniface Mwangi during that yucky period. I went home after we were dismissed, with two chicken pies and a coke! Downed in minutes mind you. I was HUNGRY! will these hunger pangs go away? I'm dewormed! Or is it something else? Hmmmm...
|yeke yeke-mory kante|
Exams have been tough! I have finished my semester exams so finally i can now rest and retrieve whats left of my social life. I know you have questions as to where person y is? I haven't seen him since the date that never finished. I've been happier not thinking about him! Cold i know, but its the truth. I needed to focus on my exams. In that period of not mentioning him, another fight broke out (you're not suprised, neither am i nor my friends), this time concerning him. I've been unavailable lately, people like small p haven't seen me in almost a month. So when i turned my phone off to write an exam he tried to reach me. Albeit frantically. Because one of his texts were like 'i'm giving up on us'. Funny thing, i wasn't moved. It didn't bother me. I told him i was writing an exam. 'oh'. It was the bloody math exam and it gave me grief like you won't believe then more stress is brought from him. 'i have vybe i wanna tell you' he said. So do i mister, so do i... When i wanna talk to him he's never there then when i'm unavailable for just abit i get a cacophony of messages and missed calls? Really? I told him it could have waited instead of texting frantically even after telling him my exams commenced on wednesday. I told him he's complicated and he has issues. Ok that came out honestly. I couldn't hide it from him anymore. Silence. A very long silence. 'are you ignoring me again?' i asked. 'i needed time to absorb that one'.
Here we go again...he went on to say 'how do you say i have issues? Now i know what you think of me' etc etc. Wow, someone didn't like criticism... I was tempted to say 'but you do', all i said is 'alright, i'm sorry.' i really didn't want things to escalate again. When i told him that, i felt a relief in me. Its very wierd, that feeling that you get when you know something is over/accomplished/passed. I knew at that time that there's nothing left between us.
So yesterday we were meant to meet. All his phones were off and as you'd know it, we didnt meet. So true to the ting-tings song 'we walk', i walked. I walked all the way from karen to my home. When i got home i just slept. I wasn't upset. Just tired. The day i was going to tell him i'm leaving him is the one day he'll unavail himself. I have no idea if something's happened to him or if he was ignoring me... I won't be suprised if he was ignoring me. I've seen him do this to some friends of his when he's avoiding them. So now what? I don't know...ill wait until he turns up.
|you sent me flying-Amy Winehouse|
I support Jimmy Gathu with those "epuka ukimwi" ads. they're funny but they speak the truth. The rate of cheating on each other, having affairs is still high in Kenya. Men bring AIDS home to their wives from mistresses, wives from their boytoys, even we gay people! Its in today's nation newspaper. But I know its true, I've seen it happen. Gay guys have girlfriends to "cover up" their true sexuality. Those mamaz have AIDS and they wont tell anyone. So those men take it where? To the boyfriends! What can they do now? Yes sex is pleasurable but really, going bareback with a guy you trust still isn't a good idea! The same applies for everyone! Young girls, with your baba wazee sugar daddies who give you money, and you young guys my age joking with women your mothers age, Use protection! It will save you and your partner(s)! Stop being ignorant...
Wake up y'all, HIV/AIDS is there and true and will get to you if you play around unsafely. You people are surely joking with life...