hypocritical hippo!

Don't you just hate shit talkers? Ke$ha has a fun song called backstabber. Listen to it when you have time.

I absolutely loathe it when people you think are friends and all just talk trash behind your back... A while back (like 2 years ago) i came out to an old trusty friend. As in, i've grown up with him, mutual schools and friends etc. So when he confronted me askin if i was queer, he was totally supportive btw, saying its cool etc etc. I'm not exactly the most "straight acting fellow" (infact T uses me as a benchmark for queerness lol) so i couldn't deny it. Plus i was tired of living my life as a lie at the time. Very caged feeling when you're hiding stuff from people you deem close friends...anyway.

So i heard he's been ridiculling me, using me as a base for jokes and stuff. These are traits of a homophobic person. My question is, why do you say it's fine for me to be queer but when i'm not there/around you i'm subject to all modes of slander? It's not me alone, i'm sure some queer guys out there also have it tough... It looks like i was lied to by this fellow.

My point is, if you're heterosexual and you have a queer friend, and you say you're ok with it but in reality you're not, why do you do that, go and shit talk about them? My goodness just shut up if you have issues with your friend being queer! Bloody back stabbers... I've ignored the issue but when next i see them i'll have a firm word with them. I wish they knew what challenges queer people in Kenya go through...

Anyhoo, thats life...you live, you learn.

|if i never see your face again-Maroon 5|

Two beer or not Two beer?

This semester i have Friday classes until midday! However, that doesn't stop me from going to have a good time....

I came to school with a mild hangover on friday! See, thursday was thirsty thursday, my schoolmates have been telling me to go to this pub/restaurant/hangout near my main campus, So i dragged a friend or two and went. My friend is from Mozambique but she's been all over the world so she's pretty easy to relate to...and vice versa. I came out to her. Shocking? No not really... My other friend has known for the longest time (told her 2 years ago) so she had no probs.. Anhyhoo, i got her drunk hehe.. She's so easy to get drunk, 3 black ice's and she's on the floor! I got home usual time, but tipsy...tihihi? I pulled off sobriety again slept spectacularly early...

Friday! class! The lecturer was a no show... So i went to visit my friends' hostel and daaaaaaaayum it's like a luxury flat! We had lunch... Mind you all this is straight company yeah? Two guys were going through my phone and saw photos of superman and i. oops! They either didn't mind or they didn't wanna ask. (they should see the ones from this weekend!)

I went to the ramoma afterward... My favourite art gallery in East Africa! Unfortunately i couldn't meet small p and m that day. They had commitments elsewhere... It was a nice afternoon... Then i had to leave to go meet T and co for coffee which turned into a raaaaaaaandom drinking spree wooot! I don't even know how i got home! 

Saturday morning. I woke up drunk. True story. It took an hour to level off. Oddly enough the hangover was rather minimal... Yeah, what to do that saturday.... I saw two texts from superman,one telling me to sleep nicely, he's out etc and another one saying good morning, come over today....

eh?

I read that text again. He's invited me over to his house? That's interesting, because you see he's from the Kikuyu community, and for a guy to invite someone they deem special to them, that's a big deal... I was dressed and out within that hour... He lives out of Nairobi because of his uni... So off to Thika i went... It took 2 incredibly long hours to get there! lunchtime traffic, a spoilt matatu and another late i got there. I like that town, its randomly clean and it's just so.... easy. I would live there. Anyway this was the first time in two weeks i saw him! Exhilerated? yes. He showed me around before we went to his place.....where i met his roomie. Straight. I'd brought cake! so we caught up.... His roomie left. And had a very, um,interesting look when he was leaving. I thiiink he knows about me. Anyway, i got to spend time with my superman.... His best friend came (woot?) and apparently has been wanting to meet me for the longest time...

"we didn't think you'd come all the way here" he said. Interesting. 

Well, It was a really nice afternoon! After his friend left we got a little...intimate. I think next time i'm going to have lots of fun, he wants me to spend a weekend there. 

Two of his other (queer) friends came... and one of them who's a tad too girly instantly put him in a mood. I don't blame him, that kijana is abiiit overwhelming but quite hilarious! Even when they were walking me back to the bus stop, he was a bit moody. "i'll be back love, don't worry" i said... "text me when you get home ok?" he said...

I now know why Thika road is getting expanded, that traffic is incredible! Another hour and a half in that matatu..

I got home, ate and nearly slept when......

Gothic one appeared with his sausage kamatwa'd to try and get me to go out with them... He did this funny impression with the car's door, like it was talking to me... "come on cuppatea, it's an open bar party, you knoooow you wanna get in..." Good thing i was in my pyjamas... I just wanted to sleep!! I'll regret that decision this week... OH, i had assignments to do the next day and i needed a sober head... It felt so good to wake up hangoverless!! yaey!

Arse-ingments i call them, i hope i score marks.. 

Aha, today morning i dressed up. I couldn't find my khakis, so i wore some butt hugging jeans. Yeeeeeeah any fool walking on campus today can see a young queer man walking around. Look but don't touch. The matatu driver and kange (conductor) I've known on this route for over 3 years, I strongly suspect they're queer.. because I was literally dragged into that matatu like royalty, and the looks they both gave me! let's just say i got undressed in two men's minds (oh my)...

And now to (hopefully) have a breezy week. I have a gooood reason to look forward to thursday.... I see a beer tower coming my way. Nooooo i'm not turning into a certified mlevi (drunk), if i don't do this now, when will i ever? :)

|The pin-striped men of morning
Are coming for to dance
Forty-million dollars
The kids don't stand a chance------------>the kids dont stand a chance-Vampire weekend|

A liberal liberal

Yesterday in a management lecture, i was incredibly bored! The lecturer is like a combo of piriton and paracetamol...Somehow i ended up thinking about my childhood and how i used to play around during free periods and stuff. The weather was fab outside, fair weather with sunshine right, and my deskmate had a blank middle page of an exercise book torn out...I took the piece of paper and made a paper plane.

Yes.

I made a paper plane and waited for the lecture to end, so that i could go outside in the sunshine and see how far it could go! 

My classmates were looking at me as if i were a madman...

Lecture ended.

Outside, the wind was blowing gentle, warm currents.... I took the paper plane and threw it high up... i felt soooooooo free inside! Excitement! fun! thrill! i've never seen a campus student do such. It's almost illegal in most institutions to play children's games (wish you saw a lecturer's face whe we were playing hopscotch last semester. priceless!)

That paper plane flew waaaaaaay high up. And finally, it nosed dived.

down down down it went, until it pull itself up and landed softly in the grass...

Now that was fun! 

It's nice to let your inner child out to play. It seems i do so more often than others...

Did i mention the time i was rolling down the grass hill in campus? For another day i suppose....

|We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
On and on and on we are calling out and out again
Never looking down, I'm just in awe of what's in front of me------->walking on a dream-Empire of the sun|

URL CHANGE

Hey people! 

i changed the blogs url from www.colourful-wilf.blogspot.com to www.colourful-cuppatea.blogspot.com.

why the change? security reasons. I'm aware that i've lost reader comments, but this was for security purposes regarding identity. Thanks a bunch for your comments, they've made me wiser, and occasionally laugh out loud! 

I hope y'all keep reading...

yours truly,

cuppatea

i'd like (house remix)

I like this song. It says alot about what's going on in my mind right now.... true story.

lets continue

Lady sitting across me with your Sony Vaio laptop stop staring at me! STOP IT! Its making me uncomfy writing this. Yup, you guessed it, i'm at a mall posting this. I haven't done a desktop post with nice formating and photos in a while. I'd be doing this on campus but their crappy wireless is down! SO voila, i'm having tea at a mall. I make better tea than this. Infact this cup of tea costs slightly more than a pack of tea bags! sigh... Market segentation at its best.

Anyhoo, i've been seeing superman... Actually, i saw him on Sunday. Which is wierd because i've broken a tradition of being in the house on a Sunday. Town was empty! ish. Less cars then. He took me to a skating joint where we saw boys and girlsof all shapes and sizes skate by. We talked lots! I'd really missed him, me being in a wierd place inside and all. That seems to have gone now. (oh thank goodness!) And we seem to be doing fine. I asked him a veeeeeeeery silly question. "Where do you see yourself this time next year?" 

WHOOOOOSH!!!! (skaters zooming by. Yes we were smack in the middle of the ring where there are trees)

"In Uhuru park with you". saidsuperman.

WHOOOOOOSH!!! (i should've tripped one down)

"yaaaaeyy" i said with a smile.

Naturally it would be silly of me to even think that we're going to get this far, with things being unpredictable...but i reeeeeeeeally hope we'll still be together. Its an odd thought imagining my life without him right now. Anyway we're that much stronger now. 

I saw him again yesterday, today he goes back to campus so he has lots to do. And what am i doing? Staring at some brit woman acrossme with a pink lappie with this faaaaaaaaaab camel leather bag! i want one again.

Geek glasses. I'd love a pair. Where the eff can i find some here? Yeah, i'm not the most fashionable character around but they seem like a nonchalant funky thing to have. Wink Wink nudge nudge honk honk, someone pleeeeeeeeeeease find me a pair? 20-20 vision. I dont wear specs. OMG look at me wanting something! Fashion's a terribly cruel mistress...

And now people are raving without me. Boohoo. I hate it when on fakebook you get to see photos of your friends who've gone out, even after you declared boredom with utter freedom! dameeeeeet. I wish emo were around, since he left no one comes to pullme outta bed or find clothes for me to wear (albeit skankilly). I seem not to have a bff at the mo. Alright small p and M are my best friends. They do not do the above. They're like me. I need an opposite. You'd understandmore if you were in my feet.

Finally,Lord let this semester be a good one. Its gonna be a short one, with almost 6 hours of class daily. OH and i'm on a mini diet thing of sorts. This pot belly will GO! i like how im hungry but i didn't order pie... Too much pie makes cuppatea chubby.... 

être bon comme moi.

|you stare politely right on through----->how to save a life-The Fray|

untitled one...

...is the name of a song by my favourite band called Keane. It's also the name of this post because i had no idea what to call it! Righty then. Im in a wierd place right now.... Noooo not physically, emotionally! Despite everything between superman and i being rectified & all, i feel like theres a vacuum inside me that doesn't wanna go away... Not even apple pie or cookies makes it go away. Fine edible stuff is not how to make shit like that vamoos. What will?

Anyhoo, i've been up to my usual randomness again...no i didn't get drunk nor did i go anywhere last weekend, darn, it was SO DULL!!! I even helped T clean up his home. Yes that dull. Infact the word dull sounds exciting, lets go with magnolia instead. My weekend was magnolia. And theeeen, this week i met M and small p. Tuesday small p and i went for a movie. Bruce Willis & Tracy Morgan making a fool of themselves in a cliche, ironic yet funny movie called "cop out" or something. I swear i would bitchslap the script writers that wrote it 3 times, 3 freaking times!!! That is not an A list movie in my books...
Wednesday. Meet small p and M. M's registering for a profession so the better part of the day was spent doing that... We had one heavy lunch at that nice restaurant diplomatic one intro'd me to last year. I was the only one who could finish the entire meal! Once again, i feel so freaking fat compared with small p and M. m had some fab skinny jeans, small p had tight pants and there i was in loose khakis and a sweatshirt. Aaaah bloody shit, who cares... I'm rather small, but I will eat when i'm hungry! Especially on behalf of aaaall those refugees who don't have meals! Ahem. On to java then where there was a SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXAY WAITER! Woot!!! I couldn't help smiling... I was being made fun of by small p and m. If i didn't have a boyfriend or dignity, i'd have asked for his/slipped a number and blah blah blah... But no... I'm good like that.
later that night, my sibling had a poetry event. Saying that will make many know who cuppatea is. Today i'm like whatever screw whatever! I dont care! Bleh! I'm queer, what will you do? So that event was nice... Good performances BUT i was alone. Earlier, small p went home, F who came, and went home as well, and M who had class. Damn. I couldn't even order a proper drink, it would've been sooo wierd! i had a soda instead. My family friend was there with her latest catch, a TDH man. Yawn. She's sooooo pretty and he's totally handsome! Seen it before. NEXT! A good evening nevertheless.
Had a drink with my sister and her friend later. Finally. It was the first time i had a beer in weeks! I've been on liquers/spirits/wines for a while now so that was a splendid change... Her friend is fun! Hmmm. AHA! She drives barefoot! She said she gets the feel of the car more, she feels safer... My study continues. I got home at 2am! Just when you think you'd sleep reeeeeally well! Shock no. I had insomnia. Until 4am.

Today i got up late, had to go to campus to enquire about some stuff, results included, they won't be out till next week. Im so worried about that. Also i went to meet a friend i've been chatting with on twitter. He's as cool and funny as he is in text! Yes. I had to get more cookies today. That cookie jar was sooo empty. It previously held coffee. True story.
in the mean time, i have school next week. I've been ill most if not all my holiday... Oh well, im rested. Ish. I'm ready to face another semester of gruelling tertiary education that will supposedly make me a future manager. Joy.
And now i need to find my energies. I wrote this little piece a while back, i'm not Buddhist but it helps me...its not the best but its a chant of sorts. Like a prayer.

My energies are scattered,
and my aura is hazy,
my judgment is clouded,
i cannot comprehend.
oh great Buddha,
please help me find my energies,
my center,
my focus, my balance,
my direction.
Inner Peace.
Guide me in this journey called life.

later y'all...

|in the eye of the storm, you'll see a lonely dove, the experience of survival is the key, to the gravity of love (o fortuna velut luna)------>gravity of love-Enigma|

fixing stuff

Happy month of May! Ish. Its midnight. Yes i'm posting this now because i sooooo can't sleep!
So i met superman Thursday... Why later than sooner? Actually i don't know... He (superman) was told of what happened that monday morning by a certain diplomatic one, and he kinda got real depressed after..
Which is why i suppose it took the both of us to meet after 4 days. I was so relieved to see him! Even that hug he gave me just said it all, this guy was relieved to see me....yet inside me i still felt amiss.. I didn't wanna jump into conclusions just yet. He had to explain his side of the story.
We sat down somewhere and talked for two hours non stop. Once again the whole world could see these two guys talking are clearly an item. I dont give 10 rats arses about that. Ok, his side of the story.
"i look bad i know". He says.
"yeeeeeah my mates aren't amused.."
and so the he went on to say how he was so drunk, he can only remember our make out session and random dancing. After that he has no recollection of what happened. Poor guy. His face even said it all! Ofcourse, i told him about spec d's characteristics when he's high... Superman wasn't amused. He was looking crestfallen.
"i know people do stupid things when they're drunk, and yeah it hurts others like hell, but in the end what happened, happened. There's nothing more i can do about this but put it behind me." i said.

Silence.

"i hurt you and i'm sorry cuppatea. You mean everything to me and that night... I'm truly sorry. Please forgive me." he said. The look on his face made me wanna cry and just hug him! Seriously you people i wish i could've shown you how he looked. He definately wasn't lying to me. So i'm like "okay... If you're thats what happened then i can move on with life and forget about all this. You're forgiven."

fine.

just like that, everything was alright. He still looked abit down.. "whats up superman, everythings fine now innit?" i ask. "yeah i know that now...i just still feel bad over all this." he says. I knew i couldnt force issues, i guess he was just in a mood. All i could do was say "well, just know you mean the world to me regardless...".

he walked me to my bus stop. There was a silent understanding between the two of us. Occasionally talking about random stuff. It had just rained and the sun was coming out. "i'll call you later ok?" he said. That hug goodbye was a strong one! One with meaning. "i'll catch you later superman..." and off i went...

Another way i know he tells the truth about his remorse, tuesday i was catching a movie at the cinema with small p and m, who were tryna make me feel better, F came. He live near superman. So i'd asked him to go check up on him and see how superman's doing yeah, and knowing F, he'll gather info quietly. He didnt even have to ask superman what happened. Superman told him what happened and how he doesnt wanna loose me, he wants to make things right as rain again. You lot Still not convinced? No? Damn. I'm not stupid. Nor am i a fool. i know exactly what i'm doing and if i get hurt again, i'll have no one else but myself to blame. The pain will be bad, heck, who knows what it'll be like, but if indeed i have friends, they'll help me get through it. In relationships trust is important. Its hard to build but easy to loose. I'm not about to loose someone whom i've known so well just like that. I doubt he'll wanna loose me. From what i'm told by others, based on what he says, he really likes me...

Trust me.

|leaving reason far behind, nothing here is cruel or kind, let us be the sirens of the sea. I cannot, resist, your call...----->sirens of the sea -Above & Beyond presents Oceanlab|